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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

should I tell parents?

21 replies

thegreylady · 01/06/2013 18:19

This afternoon my neighbour with whom I am very friendly, asked if she could borrow the car seat I have for my dgs as she wanted to take her dgc to town. I agreed and showed her where the harness was stored in the back of the seat. (I have been using it for an older child). I asked if she needed my booster seat too as she has two dgc but she said no.
I looked out of the window to see her husband putting the 1 year old in the seat without the harness in the front passenger seat-just secured by car seat belt. His wife was in the back seat with the three year old-no booster and no seat belt.
I rushed outside but they drove off before I got to the end of the drive.
They all arrived back some time later and left the seat on my doorstep. They have all gone out again on foot with dgc in a buggy.
Would you tell the children's parents? I get on really well with my neighbours and she helps us out a lot. I don't want to fall out with them. I can just refuse to lend the seat again. I can also talk to my neighbour about the legalities and dangers. Wwyd?

OP posts:

LeFlaneur · 01/06/2013 18:36

Tricky. Maybe mention that you happened to notice that the children weren't properly secured and did she know that she could face a large fine if caught by the police? This might deter her.

whatsleep · 01/06/2013 18:38

Yes, tell them, or tell the parents, which ever you find less embarrassing. They are putting two very young lives at risk. But then again why didn't the parents provide the grandparents with car seats, maybe they don't bother either.

iamadoozermum · 01/06/2013 18:41

I'd have a chat with the neighbours first, as you're already friendly with them then I'm sure you could do it in an easy-going way "by the way I noticed ...". My guess is that they wouldn't have had to use these things with their own children and only have a vague knowledge of the law and if no one tells them, they'd be none the wiser and do it again. If they don't respond well or do it again, you can say something to the parents.

flanbase · 01/06/2013 18:47

If you want to lend it you could show them how to install it

quesadilla · 01/06/2013 19:01

I'd tell the grandparents first. A lot of people who don't have young kids don't have the faintest idea about stuff like this (such as my dad, despite having had four kids and two grand-kids.) Just warn them they could be pulled over by the police, rather than implying they are deliberately putting their grand kids lives at risk.

Original poster

thegreylady · 01/06/2013 20:25

I have spoken to my neighbour.She was very embarrassed but told me that the 1yr old 'wont go in the back'!
The 3 yr old 'won't use a booster seat'!
The rear seat belts in their car don't work.
It was 'just up the road'....it is 8 miles!
I said I wasn't happy about lending the seat in those circumstances to which she replied,"I understand I'll have him on my knee"!!!!!
I asked if the dc's parents were ok with that and she said the father [their son] was as he sometimes drives with the baby on his knee as the lo won't go in the back of the car.I am gobsmacked to be honest.

OP posts:

ShadowStorm · 01/06/2013 20:31

The DC's father sometimes drives with the baby on his knee?

That's insane. And if it's true, telling the parents that the grandparents didn't have the kids in proper car seats won't make any difference.

Did you tell them that it's illegal for children to not be in a proper car seat / booster seat? Not sure what the penalties are, but it's likely to be a fine at least.

phantomnamechanger · 01/06/2013 20:36

drives with baby on his knee?!

xylem8 · 01/06/2013 20:42

i'd stay out of it. In this county at least the police have foundthere is some legal loophole whereby it can't be enforced

1969Sarah · 01/06/2013 20:48

Doesn't a car fail an MOT if seatbelts don't work?

DontmindifIdo · 01/06/2013 20:50

I wouldn't offer the seat again, but if you do see them driving off with the DGC like that, call the police, they are endangering the DCs lives, this isn't about sticking to silly rules, this is really not safe.

whatsleep · 01/06/2013 20:52

It's shocking how many cars you see where the children aren't strapped in but the adults in the front have their belts securely fastened.

Original poster

thegreylady · 01/06/2013 20:52

I have decided to keep out of it unless I get the chance to bring the conversation round to car safety with the children's mother.

OP posts:

ChewingOnLifesGristle · 01/06/2013 20:56

I'd mention it to your neighbour in very concerned tones and even offer to show them next time how to put it in properly. If it was a genuine mistake on their part then ok. But yes, I would tell the parents if they did it after that.

My inlaws did use car seats but I could tell they thought I was making a big faff out of it and they didn't take it anywhere nearly as seriously as dh and I did. They never really got the hang of strapping the car seat into the car properly. The day dd came home and said they'd been somewhere in the car and she'd sat on grandma's lap I blew my top. Mil's logic? 'We only took the quiet route and drove carefully'. Some people just don't get it.

tourdefrance · 01/06/2013 20:58

I would say a car seat held in by seat belt is still safer than no seat belt at all. I used to regularly take a taxi with dc1 when about 2 1/2 and carry him on my lap with seatbelt on top until I read it was safer for a child to have their own seat.

Original poster

thegreylady · 01/06/2013 21:11

I agree tour but this was a 1 year old in the front of the car held in the stage2 seat with its 5 point harness removed and only the car seat belt round him.

OP posts:

YourHandInMyHand · 01/06/2013 21:16

Are the parents of these kids separated? Can't imagine knowing DS's dad did this and still let him drive him anywhere which makes me wonder if the mum knows her 1 year old is being driven around like this.

If you saw a person obviously drunk get into their car you could call the police couldn't you, is it the same if you saw children being driven around dangerously I wonder?

Original poster

thegreylady · 01/06/2013 23:52

Parents live together. Mum works days and dad evenings, my neighbours do emergency childcare. I have never seen the father do this but it is what neighbour said in defence. Truthfully I have only seen the dad arrive with dc in buggy and it is a fair walk from their house to ours.
I think it is ignorance on my neighbours part but I will try to let the mum know if I can. I don't know her at all well and she gets on very well with her in laws. I don't want to cause a problem. I won't be lending my car seat again unless they let me fit the harness and put the seat in the back for them. I can't see it working rear-facing and I don't have my old one anymore.

OP posts:

Boomba · 02/06/2013 01:00

i have friends in london, that take taxis a lot. there is no requirement to use child seats in a taxi is there?

i dont believe the dad drives with a child on his knee.

if they 'wont go' into car seats/the back of the car, then its highly likely the mum doesnt make them do it either isnt it

i think you've said your piece, and there is nothing else you can do unless you are going to report them to the police

snooter · 02/06/2013 09:30

Child "won't" go in the back, child "won't" use a booster seat.
FFS - who are the adults here?
My car "wouldn't go" unless my toddler son was strapped in. These are tiny tots, not great hulking teenagers.

Original poster

thegreylady · 02/06/2013 16:39

Yes snooter my point exactly-a ONE year old Won't???
had another chat with neighbour this morning and told her how I felt and that if an accident had happened I would have felt responsible.She told me that they had 'swapped over as soon as lo fell asleep' so she held him in the back and they put the three year old in the car seat in front!!
my mind is beyond boggling at the stupidity.She also said her dil would be furious if she knew so she knows it was wrong.
I told her I would'nt lend the car seat again unless they let me fit it properly in the car.
We left it at that and I hope she won't let her irresponsible dh take the dc in the car again.

OP posts:

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