To fill this lovely clean room with junk?

[spg1983]

DH and I have a 13wk old dd. He also has a DS from a previous marriage. Basically we live in a 3-bed house, with us and dd in one room, DSS in his own room, and the spare room (soon to be DD's room).

DD is still in her Moses basket in our room as the spare room is so full of DH's junk and clutter, we need to empty it before any of DD's stuff can go in there. DSS' room is immaculate and decorated/furnished exactly how he wants it (I got fed up of DH not bothering with it so I did it myself). Dd meanwhile cannot go in her room :(

I could go through the boxes of stuff but firstly I'd not know what to throw out as it's not mine and secondly there's a lot of stuff from his first marriage that frankly I don't want to go through. DH is a teacher and as this is exam season, I've not hassled him about cleaning the stuff out but all along I've said "will you promise to spend a day in half term clearing your stuff out?" And he said yes, of course.

Half-term is nearly over and he's done nothing, despite me asking every day. To be fair he's had a little less time than we planned because DSS has been with is for longer than expected (his mum has done her usual trick of "oh can you keep him for another day...and another") and although it's lovely to have him for longer, DH is a total Disney dad, oh no we don't do housework when you're here, we just have fun fun fun!!

DSS is going home on Sunday and I just know DH's response is going to be "no tidying today, I need to get ready for school tomorrow", AIBU to just take all the stuff out of DD's room and dump it on DH's side of our lovely tidy bedroom that DH spent ages tidying (when he'd said he'd do DD's room before ours?) I type this whilst watching dd bash her arms against the side of her basket for about the 50th time since I put her in there tonight :(

By the way, in case you ask why her room wasn't done ages ago...we were convinced we were having a boy, in which case DSS wanted to share a room with the new baby. When she arrived and we realised she was a girl, DSS still wanted to share but changed his mind about a month ago, hence the need to convert the spare room...

Give him 'til X date to get it done then clear the shit out. If it gets binned, so be it.

I am ruthless when it comes to cleaning though.

Not unreasonable but I'd advise a slightly different approach. If you can carry it, put it in a big mound between the sofa and the television, say. Much more effective. Then occupy yourself sorting out DD's room.

Good idea Cozie

Are you keeping your daughter in with you for 6 months? If so can you set a deadline for a few weeks before this to sort the room together?

It's more important your step son has his room sorted though. A baby won't know if the nursery is perfect or not.

Agree with cozie. If you can't shift the whole lot just take a couple of boxes down each night so it's not as daunting. Nothing gets to go back in a box and returned to the room. Either chuck it or find a place for it.

Does such a small baby need a room to herself?

I would say not necessarily, which might suggest, in a very gentle way, that you're making something out of nothing in particular.

If that's the case, the problem really is that your DH isn't doing what he's told what he's said he'll do.

By the Disney Dad comment, are you saying you think he's using his DS being there to get out of doing anything remotely houseworky?

Could he genuinely want to spend time with his DS?

Haha cozie I might try that!

trenchcoat DSS' room is sorted, in fact it's lovely! The only reason I mentioned it is because I decorated and furnished his room because I got fed up of waiting for DH to do it!

And agent if dd doesn't get that room then where else should she go? DSS doesn't want her in with him, she could stay with us but is that really the best option when we have a room she could have, rather than having all 3 of us in one room and another room that no-one ever goes in, filled with boxes which haven't been opened in the last 5 years?? Just seems like a waste of a room...

And yes, I think you're right with how I'm feeling about the Disney dad thing, and I do appreciate that DH wants to make DSS' life with him special but...he is with us 50% of the time so I probably would understand it if it were the odd day here and there - if you have such a small time together then of course you don't want to spend it doing housework. But I also think it's not right for DSS to grow up thinking that every day should be jam-packed with fun stuff and it's ok not to do things like housework, food shopping, gardening etc. Not sure if that makes sense when written down!!

The other thing is that DSS loves anything remotely junky - I think he'd love going through some of the stuff, especially DH's things from when he was a boy...

But she is only 13 weeks. Surely your dh has got nearly another 3 months to clear the room?

Firstly OP when you put your DD into her own room is your decision.

If you wish to keep DD in with you a little longer then a crib could be a good option. DD2 was in her crib until 8mths.

However if you want to put her into her own room I would do as cosy suggested and leave it all in the lounge until he dealt with it. Storage can be cheaper than you would expect too if it a short term option to give your dh time to sort through it all.

LST, if it's anything like my dhs "it's just a day to clear the room", it'll take 3 months, plus if the dd has out grown the Moses basket and there's no room for a cot in their bedroom then she'll need moving out sooner. Plus it might need decorating, or be nice to be able to store baby stuff in the babys room...

Op, announce that's what they are doing today, or offer the alternative, you take dss out for the day so your dh can crack on with it. If you just let it drift, you know it'll be getting to the end of the summer holidays and youll have the same issue.

But he'll likely not do it right to the wire, LST - and even then there could be harrumphing. It's best to just do it now.

spg1983

If there's 'boyhood stuff' then you're going to get a lot of resistance. Have you got (or can you get from somewhere) something like an old blanket chest that can be DH's Special Box and can still be used somewhere as a surface for putting things on ?

I've lived with a hoarder so I know your problems.

13 weeks old... dad a teacher... dss staying longer than planned...

This is all sounding very familiar.

A deadline will not work, you will be lucky if he even mentions it, best you can hope for is he leaves it until the last minute.

Baby can stay with you for now but finish the room and store all clothing nappies and baby STUFF in there plus use the room for daytime naps whilst you are using our own room.

Do you have a garage? If so empty the room completely and keep the rest of the house tidy, try and get DH to address one box at a time, in front of the telly. I doubt he will be interested.

Concentrate your efforts on the new room, if funds allow gets decorator in to finish the room and enjoy your home.

confusion I hadn't thought of a crib, thanks, the problem is that dd has outgrown her Moses basket and the cot won't fit in our room. I can probably get a cheap one second-hand.

always no, no garage, which is why all the stuff ended up in the spare room in the first place.

And atruth what do you mean? I don't think I've posted before about DSS staying longer than expected? I honestly have no problem with him being with us for longer than planned, the point I was trying to make us that it's a situation we often find ourselves in though...! Even if it did frustrate me (which it doesn't), I know I'd be in for a flaming if I vented on here so I save it for my RL friends who know the full situation and will be overly polite when telling me if IABU!! ;)

Get him to do it today then, DSS can help, or you can take DSS out. Get it started today, because at best, he's going to get half of it sorted, sort a pile for the tip (will you take it?), then need to go through the rest.

Bear in mind I've been on at DH to sort out his junk from our spare room (which became DS's room so that DS's room can become new baby room) for a year, he's pretty much done now, there's 2 large "bags for life" type ones left of things and a pile of paper on our dining table, beause I took over and dealt with as much as I could, this is all that's left I couldn't do. I ended up taking 6 boxes of books to the Oxfam book shop, there's been 4 trips to the tip, several recycling bags filled with shreading and lots and lots of stuff in the loft which I know DH will never look at again, but at least it's out of the way. I'm booked in for a C section on Tuesday, that's DH's deadline, I know full well he'll probably dealwith the final pile of paper (which has been moving around hte house, not shrinking for 5 months) probably around the time this DC is 1. The two left over bags, I've just shoved in the bottom of his wardrobe, I expect they will never be dealt with.

There was another post a few days ago from a mum who had an exH who was a teacher with a new baby with his new DP. She had a headache and wanted her exH to "step up". A lot of us though it was a reversey percy. That day there was another post that was suspect. Do people get bored during half term and do creative writing? ( not you OP).

Apologies if it is not done to mention other posts.

[Smile]

Haha no way mummy!!

I can see why that sounds suspect - we got a call to say DSS mum was ill and she got all huffy with DH because he wouldn't drop everything (he'd gone to work that day with some colleagues) and go get DSS. It was really horrible actually, we normally all get on really well but for some reason she got really angry with DH. In the end DH got stuck at work so I ended up going to get DSS but I was late getting there cos dd decided that 1 minute before walking out the door she was hungry!! So I was expecting a horrible atmosphere when I got there but she was really quiet and pretty much pushed DSS out the door and waved through the letter box. I just assumed she was feeling really really ill and wanted to get back to bed ASAP.

Goodness, that sounds like a really similar situation - is the post still about? Do you know the title? Thinking about it, she is ttc with her bloke, and knew I'd had problems when ttc so was asking me how I got over them...I said what I'd done and that I'd got the ideas from the mn pregnancy/conception pages and forums...you don't think she's posted in AIBU??!! Aaaaarghh!!!

Please someone tell me what the thread was called or linky to it, pleeeease!!

Get him to do it today, then you can plan how to decorate the room.

Ooh, I didn't see the other thread. Does sound most interesting.

IME , if you have the baby sleeping in the crib in your room at night, it's useful to put the baby into the cot in their own room for daytime sleeps, so that they are already used to sleeping there when they move out of the parents' room. So I would say yes, you do need the room now.

I would happily move the stuff to his side of the bed.

Thanks inertia I hadn't thought of needing it for daytime naps either, that's a good habit to try and get dd into I think. Dd sleeps amazingly well and has done for a while, barring the odd night for teething/colds etc, which is great and we really appreciate it, but I think firstly it's meaning that DH has no motivation to try and change things from how they are, and I'm also worried that she's getting closer and closer to waking herself up by constantly hitting the sides/top/bottom of her basket :(

spg apols reported myself regret writing about previous post. Cant find it perhaps poster also regretted it and does not want disharmony.

No problem mummy 'twas not likely to be the same person anyway, panic over!! :)

The other thread has been deleted. It does sound similar though so you may want to ask for this one to go poof or name change so that exw doesn't find you.