... to feel bad 'cos I just teased my husband about his belly?

[FurryDogMother]

I was away for most of May, and when I got home it was obvious that DH had been on the beer a lot more than usual (evening boredom when there's only him in the house) - he has put on a considerable amount of weight, and now has a large beer belly. I still think he's gorgeous (in my eyes), but I'm worried about his health - he'll be 50 next year, and doesn't do much exercise. I've been trying to think how to mention it to him tactfully - as someone who struggles with her own weight (I'm winning that battle), I know how upsetting it can be if someone else points it out.

He was heading out to the pub this afternoon (it is Friday, after all) so I just said 'don't have too many pints, that belly's getting bigger' - he grinned, and patted it, and I told him I'd seen a T-shirt that said 'Belly Sponsored by Guinness' - he laughed and said he had to have it - but I'm now worried that I've made him feel bad. I'm trying to tell myself that it was for his own good, but I would be (and have been in the past) devastated if anyone had said something like that to me.

Is there ever a tactful way of telling a loved one they need to lose weight? I really am worried about him :(

I am in a similar situation with DH, he is 46 and has put on quite a lot of weight jsut on his belly in the last couple of years, I worry as it seems to be a common age for otherwise well men to have heart attacks. He doesn't drink really, it is just eating too much and lack of exercise.

I have tried to say that we both need to be good etc and he agrees but doesn't really stick to anything. He lost half a stone but could still do with losing at least another 1.5 stone to be a healthy weight. I said I could tell he had lost weight on his tummy but I wasn't very tactful about the way I said it and he said how would I feel if he said that to me - I felt awful, I was bulimic so I would not have taken it well for sure!

There isn't a tactful way at all but it doesn't sound as if he took your comments badly. Maybe you can subtly change what you are cooking for him and make him smaller portions so he naturally loses weight? I am really interested in other peoples ideas about this also.

Not sure if I can help with the tactful way but I am in your position myself. I am working on my weight issues however my husband doesn't seem to get that in order to lose weight he needs to eat less crisps and lager. My youngest son solved my dilemma last week by asking his Daddy why he has boobies Daddy is now on his diet.

Surely the tactful way is how you would like him to say it to you.

You know I love you more than anything in the world, and I am only mentioning this because of that reason, but I have noticed you are putting on weight and I would like to do all I can to help you maintain a healthy weight, for the sake of your health.

If my husband said that instead of wobbling my tummy when we get into bed and saying Whey Hey I might lose some !!

I told my DH recently that he'd put on a bit of weight, he has started watching it a bit and wasn't at all offended when I said something. Maybe he's just very thick skinned!

I did tell him after paying him compliments though, and we were cuddled up at the time, so maybe that helped.

It sounds like you made your point with your DH, and now you need to go down the route of suggesting lots of walks or active things at the weekends, and suggesting healthy stuff you can both eat.

Oh meanie!! Not really! My dh is same, coming up to 50 and put on the belly like his dad did.

I did the weekly shop today for a change and brought a lot more fruit than he does and a lot less choc.

We will go for a long walk tomorrow.

However personally I would rather die at 70 having enjoyed wine and nice food than linger in some old folks home till 90 senile and incontinent having spent years denying myself wine and treats.

I agree thebody but I also don't want DH having a heart attack at 50 because he is unhealthily overweight particular as its belly/chest weight which is associated with various health problems.

You say you're winning a battle with your own weight, why not tell him how good whatever you're doing/eating makes you feel and try and make him join in? It doesn't sound like he took your comment to heart, I don't think you've hurt him.

He is a bit resilient to 'hurt' :) I've been low carbing for the past 10 and a half months, and he's been eating what I eat - BUT his Guinness every night habit, plus his bacon sarnie habit and his cheese on toast habit (things he goes and makes for himself) are not helping. He's recently developed bit of a jam doughnut habit too, sadly. I can't control thee things when I'm not here, and I'm away a lot at the moment (roughly 2 weeks a month, sometimes more). Not that I can control what a grown man chosoes to put in his face - but I need to get him thinking about his weight in terms of health, but without making him feel bad about himself - it's a fine line to tread, isn't it? Am glad to hear I'm not alone in these worries/concerns/frustrations.

thebody I am so with you on that - though am currently watching (which is why I'm not here much) my 85 yr old Dad having a whale of a time trying to drink himself to death - there is a third option!

Only say to him what you woulnt mind him saying to you about your figure...

It depends, for some couples honesty about weight issues is no problem, other more sensitive types would rather it went unspoken. The important thing is don't say anything to him that you'd find unacceptable for him to say to you.

I would hate dh to get fat. He is 54 and his family have a history of heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes. He wighs 12 stone and is about 5 feet 11.

We are both doing the two day diet to lose about half a stone and feel better ...and have done it over 6 weeks, combined with exercise.

Nothing wrong with speaking honestly and out of concern.