to ask for help

[sofedupofshouting]

I am so fed up, dc at home all primary age but above reception. They do nothing without a host of nagging. they argue all the time supposedly all family say its normal but it isnt it is all the bloody time and its always he said she said crap thats impossible to sort out as they constantly lie about who did what. They moan constantly about whats for tea, what we are doing. when things dont go their way or they are told to stop telling tales and do something else they argue back constantly with a horrible tone of voice and literally speak to me or dp like we are shit. mixture of dc and dsc but totally together parenting from all houses clamping down on this but nothing seems to work. if i nag i get treated like a battleaxe if i didnt nag they would all be filthy with no teeth brushed and still be in pjs at 3pm.

I have had a difficult time lately and know that im not at my best but they are so wearing from the minute we get up till bedtime :(

Don't feed the whingeing, the arguing, the moaning. Response to moan about dinner: calmly 'This is what we're having, if you don't like it you can leave it/have fruit and (plain) bread.' Response to petty argument: calmly 'Well, if you can't agree to play nicely with X toy/gadget, I'd better take it away, hadn't I?' Response to rude tone/disrespect: calmly (but robustly) 'Is it acceptable to speak to me like that?' or 'If you speak to me like that again you'll go to your room for X minutes/lose X minutes of screen time' etc., and follow through. Their complaints about your 'nagging' = water, duck's back. Don't rise to it as long as they are doing as they're told.
Honestly, this is what they're like at this age, particularly with each other to feed off.

Are you getting out and about with them? Sounds like half term restlessness. Let off steam in the park etc.?

getting out and about to the park/walking nothing costly as v short of money at the minute. it is just so wearing. woke up at 7.30 today to them pulling a toy between them arguing about who had it first. they are not young children they are top end of primary. Everything they do ends in us taking it away or one of them having to come away at the minute. when i say i will not be spoken to this way i get huffed at and it continues in the same vain of yeah but he was doing this and you wont listen to me. I sound pathetic i really do but it is all day. i take away electrical priveleges for bad behaviour but it seems to have no effect whatsoever.

I think you just have to keep on with what you're doing - as calmly as possible so the general atmosphere doesn't crank up further iyswim. It will sink in eventually. If they're the top end of primary, hormones might be beginning to be in the mix, which never helps.

Make sure they get a good charge around in the fresh air per day. (Could you go geocaching or something?) Offer them a treat (e.g. watching a DVD) when you get in, and if the squabbling starts up say 'oh well, seeing as you won't agree we can't watch'. Swiftly and calmly. You will get some 'WTF?' looks and then more arguing and whingeing, but stick to your guns.

And not pathetic at all. There are parents up and down the country feeling pretty much like you do now, I suspect. :)

I hope so, i see people out shopping or whereever with their kids and it doesnt seem half as strained. they dont have to say the same thing a million times. Ive been trying really hard to give them more freedom littlest (yr 2 ) has just gone out to play on the front and was told not to go off our front. find bike by front door shout him loads he doesnt respond tear round the estate and cant find him about to panic and hes 2 houses down playing just ignoring me because he "didnt hear" which translates as i didnt want to come out. I generally feel like i suck at sorting things out lately hoping with a few new boundaries we will sort it out. thanks for your nice message to really hit home with me