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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have sent DS friend home after DS got head smacked on the wall

21 replies

chazbomb · 30/05/2013 19:44

So DS friend (his grandma lives next door) came to call to ask DS to play. They were playing upstairs. I hear DS crying go up and DS1 and DS2 say friend has hit DS1 head against the wall. I send friend home as DS was very upset. Said I think it best you go home as DS is upset and said a was a bit disappointed with what had happened.
An hour later next door neighbour (friend grandma) comes over to say he is really upset and that I'm out of order for sending him home as he's really upset. I don't really know if he did hurt DS on purpose but it was play that had gone wrong and I sent him home as DS really wasn't up for playing with him anymore. AIBU??

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 30/05/2013 19:46

YANBU. I would have done the same.

Can't he spend time with his Grandma when he's at her house?

LemonPeculiarJones · 30/05/2013 19:47

YANBU.

The grandma sounds weird.

youarewinning · 30/05/2013 19:48

YANBU. It was next door knocking on the off chance - easy to send home if things aren't working.

seeker · 30/05/2013 19:48

How old?

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 30/05/2013 19:49

How old are they? If they are 12, then clearly YANBU, if they are 6 then I'd have investigated a bit further before flying off on one.

Sirzy · 30/05/2013 19:49

I don't really know if he did hurt DS on purpose but it was play that had gone wrong and I sent him home as DS really wasn't up for playing with him anymore. AIBU??

I think you should just sending him home was unreasonable as that made it seem like you were punishing when you admit you don't know what happened.

Original poster

chazbomb · 30/05/2013 19:52

Grandma said she would never have said what you said or sent my DS home if that had happened at her house. She said it was an accident and that I was wrong to blame him. I did say I would never have wanted to upset him!

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 30/05/2013 19:53

Tell Grandma to entertain her Grandson in future and not to let him knock, she sounds bonkers.

fluckered · 30/05/2013 19:54

i think you were being unreasonable. why didnt you find out if it was an accident first?

NoelHeadbands · 30/05/2013 19:55

Calling time on it was the sensible thing to do, but I wouldn't have said what you did, no.

Accidents happen, kids scrap, more often than not its six of one half dozen of the other so I'd have just said tea was ready or we had something to do, I think.

Original poster

chazbomb · 30/05/2013 19:56

They are 6. Perhaps I should have investigated more 1st but with DS with a big egg on the side of his head my priority was to comfort him!

OP posts:

C999875 · 30/05/2013 19:56

I wouldn't say you're being unreasonable you're a mum. However like you say it may have been accidental and boys do play rough.
My friends D.D stayed in mine and pushed my daughter down the stairs (only a few stairs) I just comforted my daughter and I also gave my friends D.D a hug as well as she looked like she was going to burst out crying my God if that was D.D it would kill me. I never even told my friend I just explained the importance of playing nice and carefully. I never even mentioned the incident to my friend.

I know not every mum has this view and nor am I forcing this view on anyone but I have always seen it as kids being kids especially when they're little. I have never got into a fall out with my friends over kids fighting as 5 minutes later the kids were playing together like nothing had happened. xxx

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 30/05/2013 19:57

I did the same when a friend of ds1 lamped ds2 over the head, so YANBU.

PattieOfurniture · 30/05/2013 19:58

I would've given warnings first. If you can't play nicely together, friend will have to go home, type of thing.

Sirzy · 30/05/2013 19:58

surely you could have comforted him with the little boy still there though and then all talked about what had happened?

I think sending an upset 6 year old home alone even if just next door is unreasonable.

Maryz · 30/05/2013 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 30/05/2013 20:00

Did you give him time to explain or apologise?

I think you were a little hasty to be honest. You don't know the full story and as they were upstairs you had no idea how any of them were behaving.

HandMini · 30/05/2013 20:05

C999875 - you sound really nice about the whole incident (which must have been hard if your DD was hurt) and I agree with your approach. Very few small children really understand the consequences of their actions, so they don't mean harm when they push and shove. Not saying they shouldn't be told no, but they can't always be held accountable for the outcome.

Original poster

chazbomb · 30/05/2013 20:07

I had given them a warning to calm down as were playing a little rough. I asked friend what happened he said he was trying to put a pair of handcuffs on DS1! (Not ours, he brought them over, unbeknown to me) and as he was doing it Ds1 bumped his head on the wall, DS1 said he did on purpose so I just said well I thinks it best you go home, not in a horrible way, when I let him out I said never mind we will see you again soon.

OP posts:

NoelHeadbands · 30/05/2013 20:09

Aw I know, but at six being told you were disappointed and that probably feels like a huge deal. I know any of mine would've been mortified. As would I

VivaLeBeaver · 30/05/2013 20:20

I wouldn't have sent a 6yo home over something like that. Stuff happens and unless he's a really psycho little shit I think it was just one of those things. I'd have comforted DS and then talked to them both about not been too rough, etc. sounds like he was really upset and worried about been sent home.

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