Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I let DD (9) and friend go to the shop alone

51 replies

Mrschocolate · 30/05/2013 18:54

DD (9 tomorrow) has a friend round for a sleepover who is 10 in September.
They wanted to go to the shop to get sweets before BGT and I said yes gave them money and let them go.
The shop is about 3 minutes away if that and there is one road to cross however there are traffic lights right outside the shop. Her friend had a mobile which has our home number on it.
Also I can see the route to the shop from my bedroom window DD knows this so she wouldn't be tempted to mess around though I don't think she would anyway because her and her friend are both very sensible.
They went and came back within 10 minutes and they were quite happy.

SIL called as they came through the door and I told her where they had been and she went mad saying that they could of died and I was irresponsible. So AIBU? Does anyone have DCs of a similar age and would they let them go to the shop etc

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrschocolate · 30/05/2013 19:22

I was mostly worried because SIL was so angry about it. Her DCs are older than mine and she said she wouldn't be letting them do things like that for another year or so.

OP posts:

MadameDefarge · 30/05/2013 19:23

None of SILs business. Its your decision for your child.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 30/05/2013 19:25

Could have died of what exactly? YANBU.

Original poster

Mrschocolate · 30/05/2013 19:26

hellhasnofury Being run-over, kidnapped that sort of thing

OP posts:

Cherriesarelovely · 30/05/2013 19:28

No, I mean I think yanbu op. I think it is safe to assume that if the other little girl does this regularly herself then it is ok to send them. I know exactly what you mean though. My friend (that I mentioned earlier) is very emphatic that her Dd is not allowed to walk home from school alone till high school despite the fact that she is allowed to walk to school alone. I don't really understand that logic but I never question it as it is up to her and her DP. I think we need to allow our Dcs a bit of independence when safe to do so.

BlueSkySunnyDay · 30/05/2013 19:33

I think if you live in a village it should be OK. It wasn't far and it wasn't for long - i'd let mine do it and i'm very protective.

If you lived in the centre of a busy town my answer would have been different.

ilovesooty · 30/05/2013 19:33

Your SIL's children will really struggle when she takes their cotton wool jackets off.

I walked a mile and a half to school and back on my own when I was 8. Some people these days seem ridiculously over protective.

exoticfruits · 30/05/2013 19:34

Her DCs are older than mine and she said she wouldn't be letting them do things like that for another year or so.

I can't see why she got angry and I can't see why it worries you. There is no need to get involved in an argument-merely say, vaguely and calmly, 'we are all different' and change the subject. There is no need to justify and explain.

NatashaBee · 30/05/2013 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trashcanjunkie · 30/05/2013 19:41

er bluesky I live in the centre of a busy city.... all roads are dangerous if not crossed properly, and bad things can happen in rural areas just as easily!

NomDeClavier · 30/05/2013 19:41

YANBU if the other mother lets her DD do it alone regularly. There are 2 of them, it's 3 mins away, you'd be able to see them if necessary and at that age most of us were doing far more alone than just going to the shop.

usualsuspect · 30/05/2013 19:49

YANBU, even in a busy town this is a totally normal thing to let a 9 year old do.

chickensaladagain · 30/05/2013 19:51

It's perfectly fine to let them go to the shop if they are happy to go

My dd1 is going to high school in September and I do worry about some of her class mates who currently aren't allowed off their own street never mind the 15 minute walk to the high school

You have to gently introduce them to independence rather than just dump it on them when they start yr 7

Original poster

Mrschocolate · 30/05/2013 19:55

Thanks
I just worried as I thought I might be doing something silly.

OP posts:

greenfolder · 30/05/2013 19:59

my dds went to the local shop- no roads to cross and about 6.5. at 9 they were walking to school alone. at 13 happily negotiating public transport in major cities.

LayMizzRarb · 30/05/2013 19:59

I find it quite strange that people think cities are riskier 'you don't know who they will bump into' . Sadly the majority of chid abductions take place in more rural areas (April Jones, Sarah Payne, the Girls from Soham etc) . Care has to be taken everywhere.

PicardyThird · 30/05/2013 20:06

YANBU. They're 9!
My 8yo dc1 goes to his piano lesson alone - we live just across from the building where the music school is and there is a 'road' to cross, but it's more of a driveway/access to parking. We used to live two doors down from a baker's shop and would send the children (then 7 and 5 - obv wouldn't have sent the 5yo alone) to get rolls. And I was visiting a friend recently, we were coming back from a trip out and we let her 10yo and my 8yo get off the bus a stop earlier (short distance) and meet us at home. They were thrilled.

It's these small, controlled doses of independence that give them confidence and awarensss later on.

Nokidshere · 30/05/2013 20:19

Yanbu but I agree that i would not have let the other child go,without first asking her parents, even though they have told you she does its always best to,ask.

trinity0097 · 30/05/2013 20:24

I was allowed to go to the shops alone, having to cross two roads, when I was about 7 or 8. It was about a 10min walk.

A 9 year old is more than capable of doing this alone, never mind with a friend with a mobile phone!!!

Boomba · 30/05/2013 20:31

ive been letting mine since age 6

i do find it odd that people think its ok in a village/rural, but would be more cautious in town

I grew up in a village and have lived rurally for the first 30 years of my life. For the last 10 years and since I have had kids I have lived inner city. IME there are far more weirdos in the countryside and far fewer people around to be looking out for the kids

Boomba · 30/05/2013 20:32

oh LayMisz I hadnt seen your post. Totally agree

youarewinning · 30/05/2013 20:38

YANBU.

My DS is 8.9yo, friends DD's are 7.11 and 9.6 yo. We have started letting them go to the shop alone this half term and to the park a little further away and then followed them down 10 minutes later - a 'we'll catch you up' type trip. Her DD1 has a mobile.

Yesterday they went for 45 minutes with group of them aged 8-12yo. You'd have thought they'd won the lottery.

Itsaboatjack · 30/05/2013 20:51

YANBU. My dd is 8 and has been going to the shop on her own for about a year.

Genuine question though, why do people think its more dangerous in a town or city than a village?

Fairyegg · 30/05/2013 21:21

My 5, now 6 year old goes to the local shop alone (it's about 15 metres away and I can see it from my window) Yanbu, however I wouldn't let a friend go with him unless I knew 100% their parents were ok with it.

HollyBerryBush · 30/05/2013 21:24

she went mad saying that they could of died and I was irresponsible.

died of what?

Flip

1 2 3