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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to put MIL off

18 replies

phantomhairpuller · 30/05/2013 18:16

I had EMCS 3 weeks ago with DS2, am genuinely feeling absolutely fine now and even drove today but people will not stop fussing!!

MIL asked if I would like her to come and stay at any point to help out with DS1 (2). I said no in the nicest possible way but some how she didnt hear me or didnt want to and is apparently planning on coming up Sunday evening, staying the night and then spending all day Monday here with me and the boys. I really am not looking forward to this one bit!

I get on really well with her but she's so full on!! She's very opinionated and isn't afraid to make her feelings known! I'm basically going to spend the entire time she is here doing everything 'by the book' to avoid a lecture about my parenting skills!

I can't tell her I don't want her to come up as I don't want to stop her seeing her grandchildren but I'm really dreading Monday now!

AIBU?

OP posts:

MisselthwaiteManor · 30/05/2013 18:18

It's up to you who you have staying at your house! She can't just invite herself especially overnight, can't DH tell her no? Could she have DS over to her house for the day?

Longfufu · 30/05/2013 18:19

YABU driving 3 weeks after having a CS, surely you won't be insured.

YANBU re MIL tell her no thank you.

Iggi101 · 30/05/2013 18:34

How long would you be happy with her staying for?
And stop driving unless you've cleared it with insurers/GP.

FryOneFatManic · 30/05/2013 18:39

You'll be okay to drive as long as the doc has cleared it. Insurers generally only need to be informed, there's no set limit as to how long you need to wait before being able to drive.

If you are not able to put your foot down and stop her coming, then don't feel you need to do things by the book. My MIL kept querying why I did things differently to her (in a nice way) and I just kept saying "this is what the latest guidelines say and it suits me and baby". Do what makes you and baby happy and comfortable.

Earnshaw · 30/05/2013 18:43

I drove 3 weeks post-section, but I phoned my insurers, who said it was OK by them if my doctor didn't object, so phoned gp who said it was fine if I felt well and could brake firmly without discomfort.

Speak to your insurers to cover yourself OP.

I found my MiL a bit full-on when the DC was little, but a night and a day doesn't seem too bad.

manticlimactic · 30/05/2013 18:46

Does the OP mention driving? I've read it 4 times. I must have hada really long day at work!

GoodbyePorkPie · 30/05/2013 18:48

A night and a day doesn't seem too bad. I'm sure your active 2 year old will keep her busy anyway!

FGS don't do everything by HER book, it's your baby. Be assertive - polite yet firm, and do as you would do when she wasn't there. What did you do when DS1 was born?

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 30/05/2013 18:50

YABU to want to put her off and not to do anything about it.

When you say "apparently planning" - how do you know she is coming? Has she not said anything to you? If so that's very rude. Phone her and say you've heard a rumour that she is coming, and you're just calling to let her know that it isn't convenient for her to come then.

How far away does she live? Does she need to stay over? Where is your dh? Could you arrange a time for her to visit when he will be around the whole time, to take the pressure off you?

And as for doing things by the book - well, the fact that she is opinionated and not afraid to let her feelings be known is great, because it means you can act like that too and not feel guilty or rude. You can say "I disagree" and "You're being very critical, were you a perfect parent?" and "No, this is how I do things" and "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" or "Gosh you're looking very wrinkly today" . Give as good as you get.

AdoraBell · 30/05/2013 18:50

Manti Yes, it's struck through.

OP, get DH to have a word with MIL, tell her she's perfectly welcome to visit the grandchildren but you parent your way so don't interfere, ta very much.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/05/2013 18:55

"She's very opinionated and isn't afraid to make her feelings known! I'm basically going to spend the entire time she is here doing everything 'by the book' to avoid a lecture about my parenting skills!"
No, you're not. Grow a spine, woman ! She starts to lecture, you respond with a variation of 'did you mean to be so rude'. Be opinionated back!

manticlimactic · 30/05/2013 19:04

Thanks adora . It obviously was a looong day. I can see it now

Original poster

phantomhairpuller · 30/05/2013 19:57

She lives 40mins away from us and her partner needs the car early Monday morning, hence the suggestion that she stays over. She hasn't cleared it with me, it's all been passed via DH who thinks its all hilarious (he knows exactly what she's like!) he'll leave for work about 7.30 Monday morning.

I really like her and we genuinely get on well, I just find her much easier to deal with in short sharp bursts

The driving thing has been cleared by GP and insurance company are aware. Thanks for the concern tho

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 30/05/2013 19:59

It's one day, let her come and see her grandchildren.

mumofweeboys · 30/05/2013 20:47

Just had my parents stay. It was bliss. They got up with my older two (5.30am yawn) and let me stay in bed until baby woke me at 8am. Would your mil let u go back to bed etc while she minds yiur 2 year old

Original poster

phantomhairpuller · 30/05/2013 20:57

Yes she probably would let me go back to bed but I'd feel guilty then (I know, I know!)

Have just spoken to her, she's really looking forward to coming up and spending time with us. Now I feel like a right cow!

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 30/05/2013 21:45

It's only a day and a bit! Let her look after your 2 year old, and give him a totally spoilt day!

Iggi101 · 30/05/2013 23:06

Why cross out that you drove today if not to convey that you "shouldn't" really have been doing it?
Doesn't sound like you're getting out of this visit!

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 31/05/2013 00:01

Take to your bed "in agony" or "worn out" and thank her so profusely she thinks she is your Saviour and Guardian Angel all in one and spend the day napping and lolling and lazing about and soaking in a nice bath pausing only to feed the baby.
Win-win all round.

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