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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sexism in the workplace - shall i just get a man to do it?

36 replies

Joiningthegang · 30/05/2013 17:11

I am in a reasonably senior public sector job, there have been a number of political moves in public health, police and local authority etc. One particularly key political leader, whose agenda overlaps significantly with mine - has shown himself to be unbelievably sexist.

He does not listen to women, thinks they are all there to do admin and ignores valid points they raise - usually being dismissive or ignoring. However, when a male (who works for me) makes the same point he listens and responds.
I have been doing the job long enough to know this is not about me but my gender, and have seen other women treated in a similar way.

I have a meeting coming up with this individual and need to ensure a good outcome for the residents whom I work for, to ensure they continue to receive a valuable service.

Do I lead the presentation of this information to him myself - as I would normally - and risk him not listening or understanding - or shall I ask a couple of men to lead this knowing they will get a better response.

To do it myself risks valuable services to vulnerable people.

To get the men to do it seems very very wrong.

This "man" is elected and has no-one for whom he is accountable so can't go down that route.

so - AIBU to get the men to do the job?

OP posts:
namechangeofshame · 30/05/2013 17:15

HonestlydI'd do it yourself, when he rejects it book a "review" meeting where the same ideas are presented in a slightly different format by the men in your team. Which I assume he may then agree to.

Then I'd use the meeting notes and comparison to leak to local press and stuff the fucker for reelection.

But that's just me. .......

Picturepuncture · 30/05/2013 17:19

I agree with namechange - I would find a way to prove his attitude and then make it public knowledge- if his electorate are really the only people he is responsible too. But what about his party leader?

BeCool · 30/05/2013 17:20

You won't be alone in experience this and seeing this person this way.
Take him on, push his buttons, reveal him - whoever doesnt eventually instigate this, will find lots of people ready to come out in support.

Yes you have a duty to vulnerable people, but don't you also have a duty to yourself?

Tee2072 · 30/05/2013 17:20

I agree with namechange as well. Don't let him get away with it. Get proof. Show the world.

BeCool · 30/05/2013 17:20

sorry - whoever DOES eventually instigate this .....

CreatureRetorts · 30/05/2013 17:27

Who is it? the mayor of London?

manicinsomniac · 30/05/2013 17:28

tough one but, if it's really important that your idea is passed, then I'm afraid I'd suck it up and get the men to do it. I'd rather something important happened for vulnerable people than that a workplace issue was solved.

But that doesn't mean I don't think his sexism is important and unacceptable, I do. Just not as important from the sound of your thread.

Joiningthegang · 30/05/2013 17:30

One of the issues is he is perceived to have quite a lot of power so people are tip toeing around him - I would be happy to show him for what he is - but it risks important services - and there are very few other females within the particular field.

He was known to say to the head of a sexual assault service and a refuge "everything was OK before these womens libbers started up"

He is revolting - but isn't my responsibility to those we are working for rather than my personal pride?

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 30/05/2013 17:33

I don't think it has anything to do with personal pride and everything to do with the fact that the voters have a right to know what this guy is really like!

No one should be so powerful as to be unaccountable to the people. Or why do we have elections?

Chippedandstained · 30/05/2013 17:35

Twenty years ago I'd have done it myself and played hell with him and his views. With the benefit of mellowing, I think you have to pick your battles to win the war and therefore just get a (tall white posh) man to do it. Then fuck him over when the opportunity presents itself again.

Chippedandstained · 30/05/2013 17:37

I do t think you'll change the electorate. One if the quotes from the ombama/Hillary Clinton political battle was that Obama got in Because there are a lot more sexists than racists. Just sayin'.

whosiwhatsit · 30/05/2013 17:37

Get the men to do the presentation. It's awful and horrible and you shouldn't have to, but at the moment most vulnerable people simply can't afford to lose any more services. After this is all done take some time to think about how you can address the sexism issue with this man. But this isn't the hill you should die on.

Wishiwasanheiress · 30/05/2013 17:38

Thoroughly agree with Name. Get proof, show media, watch him wither!

CreatureRetorts · 30/05/2013 17:40

As long as you're sure that by letting the big clever men do the work, that your aim is secured?

Joiningthegang · 30/05/2013 17:44

The area I live in is so tory (with a new ukip contingent) that highlighting this in the media would give him some great support :( and not be in any way great for my career.

whosiwhatsit - I agree entirely, it just isn't sitting right with me. I am thinking that challenging him would be cutting off my nose to spite my face.

maybe I need a clever long term strategy - or get everything I can via the men in my team.

OP posts:
dayshiftdoris · 30/05/2013 17:46

Just get a man to do it...

Doesn't sound like you'd be able to live with yourself if you weren't successful and really how possible is it to bring him down on this one thing...

If you know then you can bet your bottom dollar others do too and they will be playing him in similar ways... Anything built on such flimsy foundations is guaranteed to come crashing down

Joiningthegang · 30/05/2013 17:46

creature - they are much more likely to get the right outcome than I will - and we were always all preparing this together so only the gender of the lead presenter will be different

OP posts:
ParsingFancy · 30/05/2013 17:47

Difficult one.

What's the chance namechange's idea would actually work? If not a lot, I'd agree with those saying pick your battles.

Can you use this to lay groundwork for a future battle, btw? Eg, have a meeting with your team, and minute them agreeing that Person X is a sexist twat and you as a dept are working round this by doing ABC?

fromparistoberlin · 30/05/2013 17:48

kind of agree with manic

BUT this is not the end of it, fuck him over, professionally if you can

grrrrr

Joiningthegang · 30/05/2013 17:50

pasing - yes that is my plan, to work around him - and team are all aware of this - just feels fundamentally wrong to have to do it.

For me it's the outcome that matters ..... but the principle is playing on my mind quite significantly

OP posts:
Boomba · 30/05/2013 17:52

Fucking hell
Just wanted to say good luck

ParsingFancy · 30/05/2013 17:53

Sorry, what I meant was, get it in minutes of something. So it becomes a recorded issue that your dept's work is being hampered by this guy's unprofessional behaviour, and you're all having to work round it.

Won't buy you much at the moment, but nice to have in your pocket should you find a chance to use it later.

Joiningthegang · 30/05/2013 17:54

Thanks Boomba! I am shocked that I am in this position - just for not having a willy - how mental is that?

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 30/05/2013 17:58

I think the comment up thread is so true about Obama vs Hilary Clinton. There are a lot of sexist people in the world and there are a lot of sexist voters. If you go down the exposure route it could end up being a lose/lose - loss of service, no dent in his rep, re-election for him.

It completely, utterly sticks in my craw, but I would go with a man to do the presentation. Then I would devote a significant percentage of my time to working out how to shaft him.

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this shit OP. But I presume you're in the job to do good for your service users so I think that has to take priority. In the short term.

Start a diary, paper trail if you haven't already btw. It will come in useful at some point.

WafflyVersatile · 30/05/2013 17:59

Get a man to do it and find a better time to show him up that doesn't risk services.

Arsehole. Him, not you.

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