Friends who make arrangements then let you down.

[Morebiscuitsplease]

Having been contacted by my friend yesterday to confirm arrangement to meet with dc she now blows us out. Not the first time...my dd2 really gets in well with her youngest but am tired of making arrangements then being left in the lurch. We could see other people... I know there are times when we need to duck out but this happens far too much. Not sure how to deal with this.....

Agree the point is it's always the same people who do this and they are very annoying. I had a friend like this, remember posting abt her on MN years ago, even more hurtful as she was one of my oldest friends going back to uni days, she kept flaking and cancelling, though always thrilled to see me when it did happen.

I stopped contacting her. I made no more arrangements with her. She moved away and we've now pretty much lost all contact with her, occasionally something is arranged via mutual friends and she always blows us out. It is her problem not mine. When you have young children you have enough to deal with without being treated like someone's plaything.

Don't tell your son until she's on her way, that manages one problem at least.

Could you have a chat with her? "I've noticed you've had to cancel a lot lately, is everything ok?"

She may have some issues like other posters have suggested, or she may just be rude. But at least you've given her the chance to open up.

If there are no problems and its just a lack of organisation then stop making arrangements with her.

For those who cancel due to anxiety, etc., please make a point of telling people that this is the reason. If someone was to tell me when arranging something that they suffered from anxiety or MH issues and may therefore be liable to cancel at short notice, I'd be much more accommodating than I would to the person who just doesn't respect my time.

I think it's extremely rude to cancel at the last minute for no good reason. You could lay your cards on the table with this friend and tell her how upset your kids get, and you are fed up with her constant cancelling; but that might end the friendship altogether.

I would be inclined to arrange stuff to suit yourself and your family, then it won't matter if she doesn't come. Don't rely on friends like these for lifts to places, don't do any special food unless the excess can be frozen or used up easily. When you make an arrangement out of the home, say "we'll be there at 2pm," and tell your kids that they might be coming but you can't promise, or don't say anything so that it is a nice surprise if they do join you. But mostly socialise with the friends you can rely on and she can turn up or not, but none of your family will have missed out or wasted your time and effort.

She may be skint, do your meets involve spending money? Could you only make arrangements that are free, walk in the woods, park trip, see if that means she can make more meets.

Only tell your child about arrangements, when they are actually going ahead.

If she has judged her children to be tired and grumpy, maybe she doesn't want them to do themselves an injustice in company.

I tend to decide what we are doing, (I can't plan ahead as my job does not allow that), then let anyone who may be interested where we are heading and when, and say if they want to join us, to do so, I rarely can commit to anything in advance, so friends do the same to me, that way no one is bothered either way.