To think that no, foster kids shouldn't have to feel grateful

[LoopyLooplaHoop]

Can't (don't want to) link on here, but someone I know posted a blog entry on a get rich quick type blog website, stating fostering as a good way of earning money. The person who wrote it was, as was I, in foster care as a child.

One of the (many) sweeping statements in the article was that foster children should automatically feel grateful to the foster families.

Now, I get that this person feels grateful. Fine. And I do too, to some if the better carers. But I really don't think it should be an expectation. Many foster homes/families aren't nice at all. In fact, the one the person is waxing lyrical about in the article was pretty bad, with food locked away and a difficult regime for foster kids but lovely life for their own.

AIBU to think gratitude is earned in this situation?

YANBU that is just horrible.

I think with all parenting situations, be it foster care, adoption, or biological family, gratitude is earnt by making an effort.

Yanbu.
My first foster family was awful, treated me like I was a piece of dirt on their shoe, their own kids were quite spoilt and their kids would rub this in my face. The whole time was horribly traumatic. I am not grateful to them at all, yes they opened their home to me but they treated me shockingly.
My second and final foster carer was amazing, I consider her to be my mum, she took me in, treated me as if I was her own and looked after me properly and I will always be grateful to her.

Children in foster care may never feel grateful- some may be so emotionally damaged that they are unable to, no matter what the quality of care.

IME, the best foster carers do not expect gratitude at all.

Yanbu. I too was fostered in some cases was treated very poorly compared to their natural dcs, i was grateful to have a roof over my head and be away from abusive alchie father, but that's about it.

YANBU. Of course they should not be 'grateful' - the idea that they should is disgusting.

What tethersend said.

I tend, because of my work (I'm a journalist) only to come across really fantastic foster carers. If anything, they're grateful to the kids they foster for giving them the opportunity to do something they value so much.

I agree mrs mango. I think of you choose any of these paths then it is your choice as an adult and your choice as to how to make the experience for the child.

My foster Mum was the greatest woman I have ever known, second only to my actual mum. She and her family all treated me as their own from day one. Even now, her daughters treat me as a sister, their kids call me Aunty, I'm invited (and am expected to show up) at all family events.

I told her once, about 2 years ago, that I was grateful for her taking me in. She told me it was the most insulting thing I had ever said to her.

She said that her children were never grateful she had given birth to them, so why should I think any differently?

But I am grateful. I know how some foster homes are, I know how lucky I was to have been placed with her.

I obviously will just never tell her that again!

What a horrible attitude. Foster children need to be treated as one of the family, no more and no less. Foster parents are supposed to care for foster children as one of their own and I can't believe people do it for the money.

I don't think foster children need be grateful, but I bet a lot are when they are placed in good foster homes. I imagine that good care can mean the world of difference to a child who is experiencing difficulties in their life.

YANBU, anyone who thinks foster children should automatically owe everything to their foster parents shouldn't be allowed to foster IMO. It makes it not about offering the child a stable home, but about feeling you've done a good deed yourself. Lots of foster children are quite happy where they are before being taken into care and don't want change, even if the situation they are in is less than ideal. Why should they be grateful for being uprooted, even if it's 'for the best'?

I have special guardianship to my DD. I would NEVER expect her to be grateful anymore than I would my own child, if anything, I should be the one feeling grateful because without her I would never get the chance to experience motherhood.