To wonder if I will need to completely stop all my pastimes when our dd is born.

[ukfirestorm]

My partner is overdue now with our first, and
I have always been dead busy, played a lot of sport, run a book club, blah blah blah.
I am really excited/terrified about the arrival, and imagine (in probably quite a naive way) spending most of our time in the future with the three of us doing stuff, but the longer overdue she is the more I wonder if there will be any chances to keep up any of the stuff I do currently..Tres selfish to wonder I expect, just never been a homebody, cant abide tv, and wonder how I will cope and be effective as a parent being indoors all the time I am not at work.
I had assumed my partner would need some time for stuff on her own but she thinks currently she wont want that.
This situation is worsened as my colleagues (mostly women, not being sexist only one other man where I work) keep telling me how "you will never have a social life again" and "forget your old life, thats over, learn to love the voice and eastenders" (two quotes from today!) AIBU?

lottie

I think there is something in what you say about people using the baby to justify what they want to do anyway

And also about agreeing.

But life is different for a woman one maternity leave than for a man who could, if he wanted just carry on as before, straight after the birth, if he so desired.

on maternity leave

Dont be silly of course you can both have a social life. I worried about that when I had my first but you can still go to the things you want to go to, just as long as its not every night. I definitely will not be in watching the voice and eastenders now or any time in the future.

Oh, people love going all 'woe is me' when it comes to telling people who are expecting children what their lives will be like. I do not understand it as it's basically like telling someone they have made a huge mistake, but apparently people can't bear the idea that someone won't realise how tired they are or how much work it is having a baby. All I can tell you is that it's not that bad unless you have unexpected complications (PND etc - I would never tell anyone that that's not bad) and if you make a bit of an effort. We have always taken our son out with us, so have carried on going to gigs where possible, evenings out, entertaining at our house and other social stuff. If it's important to you then you'll find time for it, maybe not as much, but enough to balance your obligations with your own interests.

DoJo

Oh I wouldn't say anything unless asked on MN

I carried on as before after DD1, I bfing her, so she came everywhere, but we still went to the pub, out for dinner etc. I went on as before for about 6m before just collapsing and having to admit defeat, I needed to give in and stay home and accept that life was different now.
After DD2 we took time to just stay in and be.

I took up more! Baby slept a lot on me so took up crochet to pass the time, did a lot of reading.

I'm much more appreciative of my spare time now so if DH has DS I'll spend time doing things I enjoy.

We weren't really socialites before DS came along but we still managed to get out and have fun!

Depends on the baby, mine was a nightmare for the first year and I practically threw him at DH as he came through the door in the evening. If he'd then buggered off out, I'd have had a breakdown.

DD (4 months) is much easier and so I've been happier for DH to have some evenings out, although juggling bedtime with two is not something I want to do too often.

I can't go out because I'm ebf and can't leave her. That also means we can't go out as a couple. We are also stuck for babysitters so it is a rare occasion we got out by ourselves even when it was just the one child.

You won't be able to be out every night and every weekend while you have small children, but there's no reason why your life has to stop. You might have to prioritise the activities you want to do the most in the early days, but you can still do stuff.

Anyone that tells you otherwise is a ball breaker.

Of course they don't need to stop but they may need to adapt for the simple reason that one of you always has to be with the DC and, if you get them into a regular bedtime routine and want them to stick to it, then that means that your or your DP will have to be in the house of an evening so only of you can go out which can mean a bit more diary co-ordination. We had a classic when DC1 was about 6mths old and, as I was going out, DP said "I think I'll go for a run" and I just looked at him and said "what about DD" at which point this look of horror appeared on his face. Even now, if it comes up in conversation, he thinks he could have been gone for several minutes - if not the entire run - before he remembered that he'd left DD asleep upstairs! Also, its not just your DC but your friends who also have DC. We're good friends with people who live down the road and occasionally the men will go to the pub to watch the football but I can't pop over & see my friend as I have DC in bed and she can't come over & see me as her DC are in bed. Its not all doom & gloom. All day sporting events (whether watching or playing) have become more of a rarity for DP but loads of our friends have similar age DC so, for example, when DP goes to play golf, I tend to meet up with the wife/girlfriend and the children for a playdate. Also, whilst its tricky to go out as a couple as we have to arrange (& pay) for a babysitter, we have a spare room so invite couples over for dinner & to stay and they bring their DC and they all get squeezed into our DCs room.
The good news is, its a gradual introduction as, for the first few months, DC are pretty portable so will be able to go to book club meet ups, to restaurants etc although sport may be a bit of a challenge and this gives you a chance to adapt.
And remember its whatever works for you & your DP. Amongst my friends, one DH goes rowing every Sat & Sun morning from 7am - 10am and another DH gets a lie in until a similar time on those mornings. That wouldn't work for me as I like a lie in myself one weekend morning but, on the morning I'm "on duty", I couldn't care what DP was doing.

The busiest time comes when children are aged 7-13 and want to do every single activity, every single night. That is when you will find it hard to fit in as much stuff. Once a baby is fairly settled (cot by 6pm-ish) there is no reason why you and your OH can't take it in turns to go out. Or get a sitter and do things together.