Alcoholic husband

[Fluffpuff]

My husband recently left me and my three children. We have arranged he sees them every other weekend but I'm concerned about their safety as he is an alcohol. He drinks three quarters of a litre if gin mixed with Campari every evening. I'm concerned he is over they it to drive when he collects them on a morning and also when he has them overnight about his ability to look after them adequately if there was an emergency. The children are 14, 10 and 8 and one has special needs. I'm unsure how to proceed as he won't address the problem believing he has no problem. I know if I bring it up it wi cause a lot if upset as I tried on numerous occasions before he left. He is a controlling character and I would appreciate anty advice on this matter.

[Fluffpuff]

Sorry just realised made a few spelling errors, doing this on phone so a bit tricky

[Mollydoggerson]

I would just refuse him access, get police involved if necessary.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Fluffpuff

You might be better asking for this to be moved to Relationships.

If you thought he might be over the limit in the morning them I would report him to the police and let them breathalyse him but I know things aren't always that simple.

[neolara]

Do the kids have mobiles? Can you ask them to phone you if they are worried or if it looks like their dad is drunk? If he turned up driving and drunk, I'd be tempted to call the police. And obviously refuse to hand them over.

[Fluffpuff]

The older one does but he drinks very discreetly and never seems drunk

[Fluffpuff]

The older one does but he drinks very discreetly and never seems drunk. Also if he had a drink driving conviction it could affect his job

[Amandaclarke]

Call the police and refuse to hand them over irrespective of the "upset" it might cause.

3/4 litre of gin is what 24 units plus the Campari units - say 30-35 units a day... Which means he is never sober enough to drive full stop.

[Fluffpuff]

I agree, I have tried bringing the subject up but he's already saying to the older child I'm trying to stop him seeing her and the siblings. It's so hard but he's such a controlling character. I am going to get a breath test kit and ask him to use it before he drives the kids, if he doesn't do it I won't let him drive them.

[AnyFucker]

I wouldn't let my kids go for sole overnight care with someone who is pissed,, whether he is their father or not

[Corkyandviolet]

I suspect the reason he is controlling is because he knows he has a problem, and that his behaviour is wrong. I was in a relationship with a heavy drinker, it's bloody awful. You MUST stand your ground regarding your children. As belgianbun said, what's to stop him turning up sober and then hitting the booze once he's got them? Accusing you of stopping access, that sounds exactly the type of remark an alcoholic would make (what remarks did I used to receive? That I sleep around, that I don't care about my parents, that I'm a user......) You need to come to a different arrangement, one where he comes round and spends his time with them at your place, then goes home. Do you have a family member or someone nearby who could be there to back you up if need be? Try calling the Al Anon helpline on 0207 403 0888. I imagine they would be able to point you in the right direction as to how to go about this. Good luck.

[Snorbs]

What do your children know about their father's alcoholism?