Ok so, the short version of the back story is that my husband & I have had an awful relationship with his parents since the birth of our LO almost 2 years ago. In this time there's been periods of total estrangements but mostly just infrequent contact. I've only just become familiar with the term 'toxic inlaws' but I'm pretty sure it would apply in this situation.
We've tried a million times to sort things out mostly with no joy, occasionally it seems we've made a breakthrough then things get worse again.
At some points in the last few years its made me ill, on the evening of one particularly bad run in I suffered a miscarriage, on one week when I knew they were coming I lost half a stone in 4 days, last time we were visiting them we had to stop the car on the way for me to be sick etc etc.
I'd say it varies between me and my stand as to who is most annoyed with them, on balance I think my husband has more of a problem with them that I do. He's suggested many times that we 'cut them off completely' and I've always said no we should keep trying for the sake of our baby as I'm a massive believer in the importance of grandparents to a child.
This is now a totally invalid argument as we have such infrequent contact with them that she doesn't have a clue who they are and they show no interest in her whatsoever. And I'm now of the thinking that I actually don't think they deserve to know her and I don't think she'd gain anything positive from a relationship with them.
We had been averaging seeing them every 3-4 weeks but last time was so stressful for all three of us (baby included) that we decided to have a longer break this time and we now haven't seen them for 6 weeks and no plans in place for a visit for at lest a few weeks yet.
My dilemma is this. The last 6 weeks have been bliss. My husband agrees. Previously when we haven't seen them for longer times I've felt guilty and obliged to sort a visit out (mu husband has never shared this opion and ive always had to twist his arm to persuade him to see them) but this time I don't feel that. I just feel such relief not to have a visit hanging over us.
I'm thinking about approaching the subject with my husband (we don't talk about it much as he is so angry at them that he just says 'lets not ruin our day by talking about them') and suggesting maybe he was right all those times he said to 'cut them out'. Is that unfair of me to suggest it to him? Should I wait till he brings it up (he won't!)? Or just bite my tongue and keep enduring the hell of contact?
I had always thought that it had to be entirely his call with no input at all from me so that later on down the line he wouldn't resent me? But now I'm thinking that its not like he disagrees and I'm saying not to see them while he still wants to, I genuinely think he'd prefer not to see them too but is just burying his head in the sand?