to be peeved about dm forthcoming visit

[Meery]

I know i am but need a vent. Have just found out Dm has booked flights to the UK in a couple of weeks and will be in the UK for a week. She is staying with dsiis but as dsiis is busy over the weekend of Dm stay Dm wants to come to us then.

I know etiquette dictates that i should say that wed love her to come and will drop our plans to suit, but im peeved that I've been presented with a fait accompli on this. I want to say no it doesnt suit and if she wants to visit she should confirm we are around before booking flights.

Dh believes she should come as the dc do not see their gm that much. He does not have the issues with her i have.

Are you busy then?

Not with anything that can't be rearranged.

My DPILs did this to us last year (we don't live in the UK right now). Sadly for them, by not checking with us first, they turned up at the hottest time of year and to be honest, didn't have the best time. They haven't done it again.

I'd be annoyed at the assumption, but it depends on your relationship with your DM. Would you like to see her? If so, change your plans. If not, don't but perhaps catch up for lunches etc if it fits around you.

It's your mother who you don't see very much.

Unless there is some mega back story yabu. She didn't just announce she was staying with you, she is staying with your sister.

It's one weekend. Your dc don't get to see her that often

What are your issues with her? On the surface YABU but I appreciate there may be more to it.

As it stands, you are sounding quite cold and I'd like to think that wasn't the case.

Well imo if she wanted to see you that weekend she should have checked first.

Also she is having a week with your sister but only seeing you at the weekend when your sister isn't there?

Depending on what you have planned I might not cancel tbh.

So she's coming to visit your sister, and asked if you're free for one weekend, doesn't sound at all like you've been put upon and are quite free to say no.

Your DH and kids want to see her, so yes YABU to be moaning.

If you don't want to see her, just go away yourself, but don't make out she's evil by asking to visit you for a couple of days while she's visiting your sister.

Thanks all. I agree i feel cold towards her as this is the easiest way of dealing with her narc tendencies but i do try to maintain a civil relationship for the sake of the children. We have not fallen out and appear to get on fine.

I do try to play happy families but i do find it hard when she chooses to visit dsis and my dc get a visit as an afterthought and a short one at that. That is why im peeved.

Dm does have form for these flying visits. When she was over last year i insisted she come to us for the weekend. It went badly. She took to her bed and refused to budge until time to scuttle away.

Meery What do you actually want - First you were annoyed that she wanted to visit, now you're annoyed that your DC only get a short visit.

It sounds clear you don't get on - it's not surprising she doesn't want to put you out in that situation?

What i want

1. To be involved in the decision as to when to visit
2. To not feel as though my dc are 2nd class gc