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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hide from MIL in my room until I get better?

62 replies

SomeoneSaveMe · 26/05/2013 23:17

My MIL is lovely. She's so kind, thinks the world of me and I love her to bits.

I became quite unwell in the last month of my pregnancy due to a pre-existing condition getting dramatically worse. I wasn't coping at all. 3 weeks ago my son arrived and I knew there was no way I could cope with a new baby and a house which had already disintegrated into chaos (my husband works away during the week).

So MIL packed her bags, got on the train and came to stay. Since she's been here she's done everything for me. The laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, shopping, endless cups of tea, baby-minding so I can sleep. Practically she is an absolute treasure and there is no way I can thank her enough or manage without her at the moment. But ...

She doesn't stop talking. Ever. Incessant wittering from the minute I open my bedroom door until I go to bed at night. She even stands outside the bathroom door so she can talk to me. Much as I love her, I may have to kill her.

I need:

MIL: Would you like a cup of tea?
Me: Yes please.
The end.

Not:
MIL: Would you like a cup of tea?
Me: Yes please.
MIL: I'll pop the kettle on then. I bought some teabags earlier as we don't want to run out. I was going to go to Tesco but my friend Maud doesn't like Tesco and would rather go to Waitrose. She used to be a air stewardess you know so she really knows her tea and she says Waitrose ones are the best. Although she admits Asda ones are cheaper. We have the Asda ones at church. They're quite nice too and Maud is right they are a bit cheaper than the Tesco ones, but the box is a bit bigger and they go further. The vicar doesn't drink tea though. Did I tell you? He likes coffee but only instant. He went to India once, it supposed to be very nice there. Maud's son went there once too. Would you like a biscuit with your tea? I bought some nice ones while I was out but I'm not sure if you'll like them. The biscuits are Waitrose are better. My friend Maud always gets hers from there ...
Me: ARRRGH!

I'm being an ungrateful cow aren't I. :(

OP posts:

Itsallabout · 27/05/2013 04:56

You poor thing, the constant chattering on is exhausting some-times.

Enjoy having the help though and your mil does seem lovely.

I had my doesn't stop for breath mil stay for 2 months to help out when I was ill. I tuned out and just nodded ever so often. One day I had enough and took my-self off to bed, head under the duvet and silence ahhhh. Ha, Mil couldn't help her-self she tiptoed into my room and got into bed with me and continued talking.

Death seemed like a great alternative at the moment.

My Dd, a few days later said ' oh goodness Gran, can you please stop talking, my ears are hurting.

claraschu · 27/05/2013 05:57

Has anyone read "Emma"? You guys are describing Miss Bates, one of the funniest characters in literature.

TheFallenNinja · 27/05/2013 06:19

Get a shovel and plenty of lime :-)

SnookyPooky · 27/05/2013 07:16

My lovely Mum is a witterer. There are no silences, ever. She repeats herself a lot too. It's scary that while we are talking on Skype I can take off the headphones, go to the loo, have a few puffs on a cig and come back without her even noticing. It's a constant monologue. It is not unusual for us to be on Skype for up to three hours. When we are finished my DH will ask what my Mum had to say, I can't remember even half of it as I zone out.
I know the ins and outs of the lives of people I have never met and she will say blah blah.....I told you didn't I? I will say yes but she will tell me the whole tale again.

ifyouletmefinish · 27/05/2013 07:22

This is my MIL and the exact same scenario! I sometimes go sit on the toilet just to be alone. I purchased a cross stitch packet so at least I ad something to do with my hands while she talked. I can highly recommend it. And when everyone gets crappy, poorly sewn bookmarks at christmas that will be why.

seeker · 27/05/2013 07:28

Oh, claraschu - and that awful moment when somebody suggests the game of saying three dull things, and Mrs Bates jokes against herself that she is bound to win, and Emma says that the problem is that she will be "limited as to number- only three"

Just makes me cringe to think about it......!

hermioneweasley · 27/05/2013 07:32

Agree with Joymachine - see it as training for having a toddler!

karatekimmi · 27/05/2013 07:57

Superglue on the amazing waitrose biscuits? Surely better than murder!!!

Nicolaeus · 27/05/2013 08:15

My mums a talker too, and repeats herself many many times.

Fortunately she's lovely and also we can all tell her to stop talking and she doesn't get offended (although DH doesn't dare say that so I have to rescue him every so often).

I don't have any real tips. Maybe say you have a headache and ask her to stop talking a bit? This usually works with my mum although I do have to tell her several times before she actually stops talking

elfycat · 27/05/2013 08:15

My MIL is a witterer. I wondered why FIL doesn't get his hearing checked but I think I might have an idea now.

Last night DH (working away) and I were chatting about nonsense on the phone he'd called late and I was in bed half asleep and he said I was turning into his mother, wittering and talking about things that are nothing of interest to him. This was after he'd told be all about a bored board game he's playing with a colleague I've never met, including their form on previous occasions

I told him that if he does that comparison ever again he'll find the locks changed and his belongings waiting for him. I might as well. A couple of days at his mother's would do him a world of good.

SueDoku · 27/05/2013 08:20

Your MIL sounds lovely - but I do know what you mean about the talking. A few years ago I went to my aunt's funeral - I hadn't seen my cousin (with whom I have always got on really well) for several years, so after the wake we went back to her house to catch up....we sat chatting for ages, and suddenly realised that all her family (DMIL, DH and 2DSs) were watching us - her DS1 turned to her DH and said in an awed voice, 'It's genetic isn't it?' and we realised that none of them had been able to get a word in for nearly an hour......

ithaka · 27/05/2013 08:21

At least Mrs Bates is kind, as is this MIL.

My MIL never stops talking, loudly, and is also a self serving, small minded, petty, mean judgmental, selfish bitch. I really have to work hard to ignore out her loud unpleasantness.

Fortunately, we hardly see her as she finds having the children around too much for her (despite doing absolutely nothing).

Incessant talkers weary me, in any case. Never mind Jane Austen, I'm with Ronan Keating: 'you say it best, when you say nothing at all.'

mrsdrew · 27/05/2013 08:39

Oh dear Lord..I went to a festival a few years ago with a friend like this. Four days of relentless talking - mostly about how amazing he is and how wonderful his life is. On the last night I deliberately ' got lost' and turned my phone off for two hours so I could have some peace!. Also have a friend who's 3 yr old DS is like this and doesn't stop from the minute he wakes up to till bedtime. She just has to ignore a lot of it whereas I only have to put up with it for a couple of hours so will engage with it. Last time he came over he said 'Mrsdrew, what's this?' and pointed to every single DVD I have (about 100) in turn even though the answer 'It's a DVD' was also exactly the same..... Friend reports spending a lot of time feigning sleep but he still carries on apparently.

Merrin · 27/05/2013 08:57

Treat her to a morning of pampering to give yourself time to recover :) She sounds lovely!

maddening · 27/05/2013 09:52

Do you have any films that the two of you like - can you stick on a dvd so she has to watch the film?

Oldraver · 27/05/2013 10:49

I know I shouldn't be laughing but my DS is like this..he chatters from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed. He can talk all the way through programmes, dinner etc.

We've just been having a bacon sandwich and he was wittering all the way through expecting a response from me

flanbase · 27/05/2013 10:51

you need an ipod

AllYoursBabooshka · 27/05/2013 11:55

YABU! :o

I love a nattering person, I'm naturally very quiet so people like your lovely MIL take the pressure off.

Trust me the alternative is much worse. My ILs are masters of toe curlingly awkward silences where they sit and stare at people waiting for them to talk.

When you don't fill every single silence they end their visit with "Oooh Babooshka, you were very quiet today"

ARGH!

seeker · 27/05/2013 11:57

My family of origin are all natterers. My brother gave my dp a small polished wooden wedge one Christmas. It had "The Acme Patented Word Inserter" written on it!!

reelingintheyears · 27/05/2013 12:02

Brilliant thread.

reelingintheyears · 27/05/2013 12:03

DS2 talks incessantly too,a whole load of boring very interesting stuff about nothing.
He's 18,it never gets better.

randgirl · 27/05/2013 12:07

I dont really have any advise (except agreeing that its good tranining for when you have a toddler), but i had a good laugh at your post

Chottie · 27/05/2013 12:13

Your MiL sounds a real treasure.

I am a talker, so this post has given me food for thought congratulations on your new arrival.

K8Middleton · 27/05/2013 12:17

I have a tendency to whitter when nervous

Having met a lot of whitterers over the years I have realise that often I am the only person they have spoken to all day, or longer, so I try to be generous and make allowances.

With mil, who sounds lovely although annoying, could you try putting the radio on? That sometimes works with a whitterer.

mmmmsleep · 27/05/2013 12:30

feel for you op..my aunty is like that and yes I just hid in my room with baby.

I wish there was a fb similar like button...the incessant toddler chat post gets a like from me..
sorry op but there is more to come when baby gets older including screaming fits when you dare to think it acceptable that you have a wee ;)

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