To sort of miss these things that used to be on the telly

[fragola]

Mutants. Mutants were everywhere. They were generally the result of nuclear war and normally wanted to kill and or eat everyone who wasn't a mutant. If you were a small child in the seventies, it was impossible to imagine a future without mutants.

Ladies in little shorty nighties. If you were a middle aged busdriver, milkman, postman or window cleaner, you couldn't go anywhere or do anything without being beseiged by ladies in little shortie nighties. I don't think that i was sure of the significance of ladies in little shortie nighties back then, but i thought they looked pretty and i sort of miss them.

Quicksand. Most films that weren't set in britain seemed to involve quicksand, generally as a means to dispatch the bad guys. The world would now be overrun by baddies if it wasn't for quicksand.

Avalanches. If you shouted anywhere near a mountain, a big load of snow would fall on you. I considered this to be a valuable lesson learnt when i was six.

Vicars. Vicars were also everywhere. People had vicars around to their houses for tea so often you could be forgiven for thinking that at least 50% of all men worked as vicars (the rest were middle aged bus drivers, milkmen, post men and window cleaners).

So if anyone on mumsnet works on the telly could you see if you can do anthing about bringing back quicksand, avalanches, mutants, ladies in little shortie nighties and vicars please?

Thank you.

I'd forgotten about the men in bowler hats, but it's so nice to hear about them. Where are they now? What did they do with their hats?!

I saw a man in a bowler hat on the tube the other day. My commute doesn't normally take me via 1952.

I raise your ladies in shorty nighties to blond ladies in shorty nighties with green eyeshadow and lipgloss

bionic people with blond highlights

upper class people who smoked who were tortured by their emotions

working class people who smoked who spent a lot of time in smoky pubs

aspiring middle class house wives who ironed shirts and vacuumed while their husbands had affairs

aliens who impregnated teenage girls and had green babies

Blimey Corny, I'd forgotten about the horny aliens. I think I'd blocked it out because it really scared me.

The horny aliens are imprinted onto my memory.
When the clearly sluttyteenage girl gave birth to the green baby,I was squashed onto the couch with my older sister and her slimy boyfriend.

Now I've remembered triffids (although I think they might have been in the eighties) they were really, really scary.

American men in shirts that were unbuttoned just one button too far, to show off their manly chest hair. The shirts were always red shiny, silky stuff and a little bit too tight. Even if that shirt were part of a police uniform or some such, it might not be red but it would be tight and shiny.

I loved the horny alien/slutty teen/green baby programme. I was far too young to be allowed to watch it but if you sneaked down our stairs very quietly you could sit about half way down and watch the tv through the banister. It's the reason I spent my childhood wishing my name was Julie.

American husband and wife detective teams with flicky hair and cigars and big jewellery. You couldn't move for falling over an American flicky haired set of married detectives at one point.

I didn't watch the 80's triffids - only the Eddie Izzard ones.
The 80's nuclear war films were super scary. Threads was

Fragola I was haunted by the triffids for years, then I rewatched. Bad tempered rhubarb is all they are.

What about ads that warned people called Darren of the perils of playing frisbee near pylons?

I've just remembered tales of the unexpected...did you used to sing along to the theme tune and do the dance with the nekkid lady?!

In the women in shortie nighties era, you also had offices with no computers or even typewriters in sight, where the boss would be sat at a massive desk with nothing on it, except a big dial telephone, maybe a set of those two big pointy pens in a holder thing, and perhaps a notepad. The boss also probably wore a big pocket watch.

What did the big boss do at his big empty table?

There is literally nobody to be inappropriate in front of now that vicars are so goddamn human.

Also, I was reading Wilkie Collins' The Moonstone' for the first time on holiday and somebody died in quicksand and I was like, OMG QUICKSAND I MISSED YOU!

YANBU.

Squoosh, I don't know if it's the wine, but I just can't stop laughing about bad tempered rhubarb, I'm literally crying.

Oh the poor ugly maid with the limp died in the quicksand, her with the lust for whatshisname who 'stole' the Moonstone.

the boss was always much older than the shorty nighty woman and not a looker, but strangely irresistible to women

I'm thinking of that little guy from hill street blues who used to stalk that woman with the dark long hair who was always in the bath

charlies angels (the series not the film) was a masterclass in flicky hair

I really miss credits that wobbled because the person operating the handle couldn't quite keep up a smooth rotation.

I also miss the credits formula that was:

• repetitive live-action shot
• overlaid with wobbly text
• slightly sinister fairground-type music in the background.

Thinking of "Tales of the Unexpected" and some other programme that featured a close-up of a jewelled trinket box rotating on a velvet cushion.

I don't remember the maid in the quicksand AT ALL
I remember Mark Lester and a horse in the quicksand though

...ROYAL JELLY...

Tales of the unexpected - brilliant. That eerie, eerie theme music.

I liked the one with the tree stump that won the affections of Joan Collin's husband

I also miss ending a programme with key members of the cast having a good old hoot at a crap joke together - freeze frame, saxophone-laden theme music... wobbly credits