to make a scene on the train

[photographerlady]

I didn't but AIBU to just throw my hands up and really just make a scene next time. I commute over an hour to London on the train. In my third trimester of pregnancy I applied for upgrade for Mums to Be on southwest trains. Have the pass now to sit in first class if the train is full.

The past month I've sat in first class. I am slower now and especially after work when huffing my way to catch the train after quitting time I get on with only 5 minutes to spare. About five coaches down its first class (ten coach train) and its rammed so I get on and sit in FC as those first five coaches have no seats.

Today the ticket checker came to our carriage when we was moving she checked my pass and said that there were seats on this train I have to leave first class. I was more shocked but then she preceded to tell me that she could revoke my pass and I have to move now. So at 33 weeks I walked down two carriages on the moving train til I found a seat.

Now I am working til 35/36 weeks but after thinking about today AIBU to just say "No" next time that I am not moving and take it from there. I mean they can remove me from the train or say I am causing a scene but tbh I feel as though its not worth the strain and cramps in my stomach to hustle down the platform or weave through carriages to make sure all seats are taken before I go back to the pretty empty first class section.

[GreyWhites]

YANBU. The train guard was being a twat. If you've done your best to find a seat on a service which is invariably packed and which has long intervals between stops then FFS what sort of arse would begrudge a pregnant woman a comfortable seat and make her walk back down the train mid journey to find a seat in second class halfway through the journey?. Even if you were a blatant piss-taker then as a heavily pregnant woman you've only got at best two months of piss taking to capitalise on. Any reasonable person would give you the benefit of the doubt.

Oh and ignore all those posters who are giving it "well at 38 weeks I scaled Mount Kilimanjaro daily whilst working full time running ICI". Every pregnancy is different and people should be treated in accordance with their individual needs, not the outer limits of human endurance.

[RaspberryRuffle]

Pregnancy doesn't mean you can expect to sit in first class without paying the first class price unless the train is full. YABU to sit there without checking and more unreasonable not to move when asked. You were chancing your arm OP, some days you'll get away with it, but if not and there is a seat available in second class you should sit there. And not make life difficult for someone who is just doing their job (and who may need customer service training but that is besides the point here).

[OrangeFootedScrubfowl]

Never mind the train, if you get stomach cramps from a brief walk through a couple of carriages, have you mentioned it to your midwife? I really believe you should think about starting your maternity leave a bit earlier if possible.
I'm not being snarky, I'm serious.

[BonaDea]

Ywnbu.

Ignore others on the thread. Perhaps they don't catch trains out of London at rush hour. Of course if the train is half empty (ha ha ha) you shouldn't be on 1st but the idea that you push and shove your way through all the carriages first is a joke.

That's a lot of awkward distance to cover esp at the end of a long day. Conductor a twat.

[BoffinMum]

I commute first class, and really I don't think anyone in there would give a stuff if a pg woman sat for free in there, even for a bit of extra leg space or whatever. The end of pg is bloody uncomfortable and we should be nice to people, not compete to see who can act the least pg with all this female machismo 'it's not an illness' nonsense. Feminism gawn mad, if you ask me. FFS.

FWIW on my train line I think you just get a free upgrade, I don't think it has to be on the basis that Standard class has to be full.

[ohforfoxsake]

I do wonder if any of those saying YABU have commuted on SW Trains at peak times. You wouldn't be allowed to transport cattle in the same way. And its not cheap.

[diddl]

I think that YWBU tbh.

Wonder what her side would be?

Did it look as of you were about to make a fuss, OP & that's why she went on to say that she could revoke your ticket?

If you want a guaranteed seat in FC, pay for it.

Personally I think it's great that you have a pass to sit in FC if SC is full.

[Queazy]

I agree with the comments about lack of empathy on this thread, and what seems an obsession with 'the rules'. Yes, the woman had no 'right' to be there, but a simple warning of that would have been fine. I think op was more upset at being asked to walk the carriages looking for a seat. I have a friend who's adamant that pregnant women don't need to be treated differently...she drives 10min to work in an air conditioned car. Give op a break - commuting in rush hour is a bloody nightmare, and sometimes we don't all react in a way we're particularly proud of. We're all human.

I don't understand judging or telling off a poster on mn. If I can't empathise or offer a rational response, I just move on.

[ithaka]

I think YWBU, but I do empathise with how you feel. However, 1st class does cost more, so if you really have to sit there, you will need to pay for it. Otherwise, you will have to accept that it is only available to you if there are no other seats.

As for the 'needing an escort, duty of care' nonsense - I despair. As the OP is still working, I think we can assume she is still capable of getting about by herself as an independent adult.

I know 'pregnancy isn't an illness' annoys some people, but by the same token, when I was pregnant I didn't want to be infantalised and treated as if I had somehow become incapable of functioning as an adult - it cuts both ways.

[Flojobunny]

YABU. I take it this is your first pregnancy? You are 33 weeks, if you were 40+ and baby had decided to move round, maybe but you aren't disabled and when/if you have DC2 you will realise that you can survive pregnancy on the go all day and sometimes half the night.

[ShadeofViolet]

I commute twice a week and use FC. Its normally empty so that I am the only person in there.

I suppose if the price of a First Class ticket is much more than SC, they want to make sure you are not abusing their kindness, but it does seem a bit mean.

[neunundneunzigluftballons]

I am struggling to see how this ticket operates on a busy train I mean surely there are seats coming available all the time as the train moves along. If you happen to have a quick snooze are you also breaking T and Cs the second seats come free. I would suggest that the spirit of the ticket is that you make a really genuine effort to find a seat elsewhere which probably means starting at the other end of the train and if you have done that I would strongly argue the point with her if there was a repeat performance. I think she was unreasonable with her over reaction too.

[diddl]

Maybe OP was clocked heading straight for FC??

[MrsFruitcake]

YWNBU.

But what I find more interesting is that nobody in the other carriages would give up their seat for an obviously pregnant woman. That's sad...nobody gives a stuff these days whereas only ten years ago, people would offer to move/stand so a pregnant lady could sit.

I know that on pretty much every bus or train journey I did when pregnant with DD (now almost ten), at least one person would give up their seat.

[YellowDinosaur]

I would always give up my seat for a pregnant woman, assuming I wasn't ill or something else at the time. However if I was on a train where I knew pregnant women were allowed to sit in first class if standard was full I wouldn't. Because actually, when I've paid for my ticket, and she had a seat available in first class but I didn't, I wouldn't see at all why I should stand.

Op ya probably nbu but it depends a bit on how you approached this. I think you'd have had much more chance if you'd been polite but firm rather than going off on a rant.

[ShellyBoobs]

YABU.

If you want to sit in FC when SC isn't full, buy a fucking FC ticket.

Easy.

[Blizzardofbuzzards]

I hope all you lucky people who've had neat bumps and easy pregnancies find their mean comments on this thread come back to haunt them if they're not so lucky next time.

[janey68]

You sound like the sort Of person who gives pregnancy is a bad name. It's not an illness or a disability. If you are well enough to commute for an hour each way and do a full days work in between, you are well enough to find your own seat. The pass is for when the train is full. When it isn't full, you don't need to use your pass. You clearly just would prefer to sit in first class without buying a ticket for it

[jollyhappy]

Poor you OP. It us rubbish commuting when pregnant. Next time do some shut-eye.

Making you walk down through a moving a train is mad.

And some really unhelpful comments - loved the "give up work if it is too difficult" comment!

I remember when I was pregnant once I had to run to try get on a carriage as everyone had pushed me out of the way.

A staff member came to help or so I thought - no he actually said to me don't run you'll hurt the baby and you should just wait for the next train.

Some commuters can be awful and others can be indifferent.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

[MechanicalTheatre]

God almighty. No wonder massive corporations get off with ripping us all off when there are people so desperate to follow the rules at all costs.

First class is ALWAYS empty on trains, even when the rest of us plebs are squashed in like sardines. Frankly, I would be more than happy if everyone just want "fuck ye" and sat in first class regardless.

[BonaDea]

Janey - perhaps a more reasonable and sympathetic way to look at it would be to say: as she's had to do a full days work and endure an hour's commute each way, she should be allowed to take the seat in 1st without first making her way up and down the entire platform on the off chance there's a seat.

No, pregnancy is not an illness but it does involve massive physical changes, depletes energy levels and affects sleep. Let the poor woman sit in first ffs

[Onesleeptillwembley]

YABU and very entitled.

[diddl]

Actually I won't be giving up my seat for pregnant women now-if everyone stays out-they can all be in FC!