I know I'm being unreasonable - help me stop it!

[Prozacbear]

DP's ex has asked him to look after their DCs tonight. I imagine DP was only asked mid-afternoon and he has just told me via phone, so not knowing til now isn't his fault at all.

I am irrationally irritated. DCs live a while away so DP says he doesn't know if he'll be back tonight, as his ex may stay out at a friend's. That's pretty par for the course - she looks after their DCs during the week so DP flexes when she wants to go out, as he should.

I'm just ... I deliberately didn't make plans so I could have a nice evening with DP. Now I have nothing to do, will have to see if the girls are around, pissed off that I haven't seen DP properly all week (we live together but it's half an hour in the morning and then we both get back at 8pm and slump) He will be out with his DCs all tomorrow, and night, while ex goes out so the next time I'll see him will be Sunday.

I'm just sad and feel a bit lonely, and it's coming out in irritation and rudeness towards DP. Which he doesn't deserve. Tell me how to be less of a moo... I've just read that back and it's a pity party. Jesus I'm not that limp a piece of spaghetti I promise!

why cant he bring the children back to yours for the weekend? That way you can all have a nice time together and then when the children are in bed you two can have some "you time"

Yes, what Sirzy said. Why can't the children come to you?

ooh good idea sirzy is that possible opp, its ok to feel pissed off, try to get out with the girls though and not dwell or the pity party will take over and you will end up being horrid to him when you do get him back.

What Sirzy said

We live in a two-bed unfortunately; he has 3 DCs all of whom are at an age where they need their own space or else sparks fly. Their home is much better set up to accommodate that, so I do understand that aspect of him going there.

I really don't want to be horrible to him when he gets back. I realise I can be like that when I feel rejected.

3 kids can sleep over for a night without needing space surely?

Even if you stick 1 on the couch or make up a bed on the lounge floor

how old are they? could you not rig up a 'tent' in the living room for a 'sleepover' style evening with dvd's and popcorn etc. (obviously not if they are 15)

Cant you go over there with him?

Stepaway - they're 15! Well, around that. They're mini-adults, I'd feel bad that they are forced to be in sleeping bags because I don't want to spend an evening alone.

There are lots of things I could be doing. I'm not going to go out with the girls; it would end in drunkenness and everyone deciding that we're LTBs in unison, ridiculous. I have a writing project I keep meaning to start properly and never seem to have the time - here it is!

JumpingJack - really no. Ex would not like the idea of me in 'her' house. I suppose what this has made me realise is that actually his life with his kids and I are quite separate and should perhaps be integrated a bit more. Hmm.

Do you ever do things with him and the DC?
If not, whose decison is that? How long have you been togther? His DC sound old enough anyway to be introduced to you and for you to spend time together, its not like litttle ones where you might not want them to get close if you thought it was not a long term new partner.

Be nice, so that coming back to you, for some together time is good for DP, don't sulk (!) but do have a chat. His ex is being unreasonable if it really is such short notice, presumably he would have had to cancel if you had planned to go out tonight? I can see why the DC need to come first, but he needs to tell his ex to be fairer about dumping on him like this, and he needs to owe YOU a treat too.

ah well, in that case do some of your project, put on clean sheets, light a smelly candle, and have a bubble bath with face pack and relax... do your nails smother yourself in the xmas body lotion, take a good book to bed and ENJOY

how long have you been together? do you have a relationship with DSC have you met ex? if its been a while together then maybe its time to integrate a little, step by gentle step.