To call my sister's boyfriend out on using the word whore

[HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform]

DSis and her boyfriend adopted a kitten they found a couple of days back and have today found out it belongs to their neighbour (you think they might have checked before taking it to the vet and getting it fixed). The neighbour has been around to collect said kitten.

DSis's boyfriend is now ranting and raving all over Facebook about the "bitch whore" or "whore" next door taking away their kitten. As far as I understand it he doesn't like her because she doesn't like death metal, but I fail to see how that makes it acceptable to call her a whore.

WIBU to call him out on using such sexist, derogatory terms to describe someone. I doubt he'd do the same about a man (is there even an equivalent?). I'm not sure I can face getting into an Internet fight with him though - but surely it would be unreasonable to not educate him that this kind of language isn't tolerated.

Why on earth is your sister with him?

He sounds like an utter bellend!
He calls someone a bitch whore for wanting their own pet back??

I personally wouldn't bother trying to reason with him about it. It won't go in.

yanbu. The only time I use the word 'whore' is when I really, really mean it, about someone who in my opinion is exchanging sex or the promise of sex for money or material gain, without emotional attachment.

If you're up for calling him out, good for you, but I'd worry it might alienate your sister and if he's as much of a wanker as he sounds, she might need your support in not too long.

Why bother

I expect he will be too busy to see it anyway, going on EDL demo's or summat

LRD my sister is quite the wanker too (she and I have never got on and her behaviour is, at best, appalling) but I see your point.

I didn't know people still said bitch/whore/slag to describe women beyond the age of 19!

Well, if you've not a lot to lose from your sister I would call him out then promptly hide or defriend, he sounds like a drain on your energy TBH.

Oh my god, why is your sister dating such a yob? How old are they?

I hate seeing women putting up with men like this. It just feeds them.

The behaviour over the cat is really annoying, as well.

I had my cat "go missing" to find out that a "crazy cat woman" who lives near by, had rounded her up (her and other cats,which she does routinely) and put her in for neutering, she then kept her in to recover. My cay was obviously well looked after and already "done", before she got her hands on her.

The shelters are full of cats and kittens, unless a cat looks very underfed, then leave it alone.

It depends on how childish you view FB rows.

Exactly, Saski.

I see it a lot with people at university (am a mature student) where the young men bang on about bitches this, and slags that, and the young women laugh and hang on their every word. It leaves me feeling quite ill.

I've told him he undermines his argument by using such derogatory, sexist language. I expect he won't respond. I also sent her a text asking if he does it to her as her excuse for him was "he's ranting" - will wait and see what her response is.

Ugh. By the time these very same women are 30, if they're with such a man, they become objects of pity. I cannot understand the attraction. So charmless.

ignore, delete, otherwise he will be calling you it on facebook and there will be massive fall out and nothing will change anyway.

Don't enter into any communication on Facebook. If you see him in RL, I would mention it.

You can't control what language someone else wants to use. If you don't want to hear it from him, don't see him. If you don't want to see his rants on Facebook, delete him.

I don't like the word either, but it is not your job to tell people what words they can and can't use according to what you feel is acceptable.

Clouds, are you serious? Do you think anyone should be able to use any words they want (in public, which FB is) regardless of whether those words offend?

No idea why you'd want this twat on your Facebook friend list?

He's entitled to use what language he wants on his own account

Just delete/block him if you don't want to read it but if you think he's going to stop typing it because you told him off, you're deluded.

I agree Worra.

No, I don't think it's ok to offend people in public, but Facebook is only kind of public. You are 'speaking' to people who choose to listen to you. They made that choice when they added or accepted you.

People can and do put all kinds of things on FB that they probably wouldn't shout about on a busy high street to people they don't know. It's the nature of Facebook. People can post whatever shite they want, I don't think you can tell people that they can't post things that are legal if you have made an active decision to read it.

Obviously he's entitled to use what language he wants. But she's entitled to call him on it. Pretending that she isn't is ridiculous - that's just as much telling someone what to say as she would be telling him what to say.

It's not like a facebook comment is equivalent to a legal gag-order, is it?

So we can't challenge people for using offensive language? Should we ignore racism etc because we can't change it? What an odd, defeatist attitude.

He has apologised and removed his comment. His friends have waded in and told me there were no sexist or derogatory terms used. Imbeciles.

I have him on my friends list because he is my sister's boyfriend. I wouldn't spend any time with him if he weren't in a relationship with her and it isn't worth taking him off as I'd get sniped at. I have now hidden his updates.

Hotel, sorry, must be quite grim with your sister dating such a knob. Have you tried to make her see sense?

Report him to twitter/facebook for offensive hate "propaganda" ?

No point engaging with him.

I assume your sister and him are two of a kind, as otherwise they would not be a couple, so no point bringing it up with her. After all, it was two of them cat-napping the kitten.

I think focusing on the word whore in this situation is trivial and a red herring,

the fact he thinks he has the right to keep someone else s pet then blasts them all over the internet is a much bigger issue he sounds absolutely mental.