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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off that he put their new shoes in the oven?

26 replies

trashcanjunkie · 23/05/2013 21:22

I think decent shoes for kids feet are important. My dts are hypermobile and have high insteps, so need good quality shoes, which I always end up buying. In the past my ex has bought one pair of crappy second hand ill fitting shoes for our dts, but his younger son always has fitted clarkes which are brand new. When I have bought new shoes he seems to end up taking them to really muddy places on the first day they get them. I've gritted my teeth about this as I choose my battles. Exp lost his job six months ago. He was sacked for 'not doing his job properly' (he couldn't believe it and was ranting about how unfair it all was) He now pays no maintenance. Last time I asked for help with shoes he said that 'there's no point buying shoes for kids - they just grow out of them.' obviously that's fucking ridiculous, but I avoid arguing with him, so bit the bullet (again) and bought two pairs of all terrain running shoes, which work for school, playing out and running club. The shoes can be washed in the machine at low temp if they get too clarty. Last weekend the boys and I did a charity run and got filthy. Exp picked them up and took them straight from the run to his house. When they returned home they told me how "clever Daddy put out shoes in the oven to dry all the mud off!" I have since noticed one of the toes of one shoe has opened up, where the glue has perished. They are pretty new, and pretty fucked now. My trainers went in the cool wash and are good as new. AIBU to think he's fucking sabotaging the bastard shoes? Aaaaaargh

OP posts:

IneedAsockamnesty · 23/05/2013 21:25

Phone him and say that due to him damaging brad new shoes he cannot pick them up unless he brings footwear for them as you will no longer be sending them in expensive shoes he refuses to contribute towards then ruins by cooking them.

Yanbu.

Patchouli · 23/05/2013 21:31

What's he like?!
It just wouldn't occur to most people to think they have to say; "oh, btw, don't put the kids shoes in the oven"
I wonder where he got that top tip from.

Try a really good glue or a cobblers.

Cakeisyummy · 23/05/2013 21:35

Yanbu!!!

What a fu*king twat. Tell him to buy them shoes and they can put them on when he picks them up!

I feel for you!

McNewPants2013 · 23/05/2013 22:07

What an idiot, who would think of doing that.

I would tell him that when he picks them up come with shoes for them to go to his house.

Original poster

trashcanjunkie · 23/05/2013 22:57

Phew, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks he's a prize nob head

The thing about getting him to buy shoes is that he buys second had shoes from ebay that are too large and not supportive. He is really difficult to deal with, and can be aggressive towards me, so I feel really loathe to confront him. He wants to be a good father, but falls very short of the mark sometimes....

OP posts:

TigerSwallowTail · 23/05/2013 23:46

I don't really know what to say to that to be honest

He put their shoes in the oven...?

BlackeyedSusan · 23/05/2013 23:48

oh i would be so tempted to take him to small claims court.

or get a snotty letter written about how he is not capable off prroviding for the children's medical needs...

the children have a dad who would do something equally daft. he does pay though.

mummymeister · 23/05/2013 23:59

I am desparately trying to think what would make me look at dirty/wet shoes and think "oh I know Ill just put them in the oven" bet he is the sort who puts pot noodles in the microwave. Honestly what a pain for you. take them to a cobblers and see if they can fix them up for you. the old fashioned ones have all sorts of tricks of the trade ime.

HibiscusIsland · 24/05/2013 00:03

ha ha. Yes, why didn't you think to remind him not to cook the new shoes? How exasperating!!

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/05/2013 09:37

So can't he just buy them a pair of plimsoles I'm guessing he does not have them for huge lengths of time.

LaurieFairyCake · 24/05/2013 09:46

I suggest YOU send them in plimsolls every time.

Any other way of trying to 'make' him do anything will fail because he is a total cunt so for the sake of YOUR peace/quiet/blood pressure send them in plimsolls.

NishiNoUsagi · 24/05/2013 10:11

In the oven ?? How would that even occur to anyone? He sounds horrible OP

Not sure I can give any advice about how to stop him being useless, but regarding the shoes - I'm hypermobile and I also have problems with my feet, so I really get what you mean about needing supportive shoes. I was referred by my GP to a physiotherapist, who then referred me to a podiatrist (on the NHS) who designed some insoles for me. Would that be a possibility for your kids? You could them pop the insoles inside a cheap pair of plimsolls or trainers and it wouldn't matter if the shoes got trashed.

If you could go to your GP and ask for a podiatry referral they may be able to help you. I found my GP very sympathetic, and the appointments and insoles were all free of charge.

WhiteBirdBlueSky · 24/05/2013 10:18

Putting shoes in the oven is the sort of thing I would do.

If the glue has come undone then take them back.

You say he is trying to be a good dad. Hold onto that thought.

Making him buy shoes for the children so they can change into them when he picks them up would seem like you are using them in a battle against your ex. "Put on these scabby shoes to go to Daddy's". It's not nice.

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/05/2013 10:39

White.

Shoes are not intended to be items that are cooked. If she takes them back its obtaining goods or services by fraud and a criminal offence.

WhiteBirdBlueSky · 24/05/2013 10:44

How is it fraud? The OP is assuming that the glue has come undone because of the oven. It might not have.

I might put them on a low heat to dry out. Actually I have never done this, but it doesn't sound that crazy to me.

NinjaNotGeisha · 24/05/2013 10:51

Try to exchange the nice shoes (your receipt should reflect how recently you've purchased them and they shouldn't be falling apart!) ignore the pp zealous comment about breaking the law.

For future visits to their dad's it's cheap plimsolls from Primark!

NinjaNotGeisha · 24/05/2013 10:51

And no, YANBU.

NinjaNotGeisha · 24/05/2013 10:55

And btw, when I was a wee thing, my dad used to microwave my dressing gown so it would be warm after I got out of the bath.

I agree with pp who suggested that you try to remember he's doing his best even when it results in stupid actions like baking the DC's shoes!

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/05/2013 10:56

Well its not if she tells them the shoes were cooked but ten they will look at her like she's grown another head if she wants an exchange.

Alwayscheerful · 24/05/2013 10:57

Many a pair of shoes has been dried in an Aga, on a low heat, lambs are gently warmed and revived in ovens too. My Mother would do something like that.

Send them in old shoes or pumps next time.

Wash them and take them back.

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/05/2013 10:58

Its hardly a zealous comment.

5Foot5 · 24/05/2013 13:33

Well I have put DDs school shows in the oven once when they were soaked through. Mind you the temperature was really low and I kept a good eye on them so they were not damaged.

Not trying to defend you ex necessarily, because he does sound like a bit of a knob, but did he know that the shoes could go in the washer? Many people might think shoes in the washer was every bit as bizarre as shoes in the oven.

outtolunchagain · 24/05/2013 13:39

Actually I have frequently heard people say that they put trainers in the oven to dry out so I don't think it is that weird.Hoow old are your dts?

Original poster

trashcanjunkie · 30/05/2013 19:31

my dcs are eight. They spend wednesday evening til thursday mornings, and then saturday afternoon through til monday morning with their daddy, so actually it's impossible to send them in anything other than their normal shoes, iykwim - school pick ups and drop offs.

I've bought some stuff online to try and fix the shoe, it's like play do but it dries into silicone rubber and seals to any surface. We'll see how it works out.

stupid ex is a massive massive knob head. I have never expressed that in front of dcs, but the only thing he has going for him is that he loves the children and wants to be in their lives. He's pretty impossible to deal with, and at the moment my dp is dealing with hand over on Saturday as Exp recently jammed my hand in a door (deliberately) whilst being a shouty wanker. This began because I disagreed with him over one of the dcs still wearing pull ups at night. (apparently I need to make more effort to get him to be dry at night - I said that I disagreed, and would continue doing what we were doing)

OP posts:

Original poster

trashcanjunkie · 30/05/2013 19:33

can I just say thanks loads for all of the loveliness on this thread btw

OP posts:

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