AIBU not "gagging for it"

[Sheffbear]

My DH has had (yet) another a go at me as he feels we are incompatible in the sex dept. i.e. he wants it all the time, I am happy with the once or twice a week (he claims that this is not "good" sex just doing it but TBH thats about as much I can cope with). He can't understand that as a mum of two (4 & 6), working full time and studying part time with absolutely NO help with any domestic duties ( I cook, clean, do all laundry etc etc etc) that I am absolutely exhausted. I have asked him on numerous occasions to start pulling his weight but if he doesn't get time do his "hobbies" he is unbearable to be with. I have challenged him to fnd someone in my situation who is gagging for it. AIBU?

You could just cook for yourself/kids.

I like the suggestion of writing a list of the work you both do too.

Try the list, but it sounds a bit hopeless really. He won't leave, won't change and won't stop having a go at you either (cos that's always very attractive ). He's an entitled manchild who presumably thinks his current approach is going to produce the desired result at some point, so it's hard to imagine he'll suddenly see the light because of a list.

As other suggested just do stuff for you and the kids. Leave him to cook and do his own washing for himself.

If you want him to leave then don't do anything for him, if you can help it. You can make dinner, do washing for yourself and kids and just leave him to fend for himself. And stop having sex! He won't realise that you are serious about splitting up if you are still having sex.

Eat when you feed the children.
Don't do any of his laundry.
If he leaves his stuff lying around, chuck it in a box. If he doesn't sort out the box, chuck it in the garage, or the bin.

If he's not prepared to pull his weight as part of a team, then he doesn't get any of the benefits of being part of a team.

It won't suddenly fix anything, but you will save yourself some time by not having to cook and clean up twice.

" I have suggested he leave but he won't & to be honest moneywise/children it would be a disaster."
And I expect he's using that - he thinks he's got you over a barrel, so that gives him absolutely no incentive to change. So he won't .

Maybe it's time to start investigating your financial options thoroughly - without him there, what could you be entitled to claim? He'd have to contribute child support, council tax would change due to only one adult in the household, what benefits would you qualify for? You also say it would be a disaster for the children - think through in what ways? Emotionally, you are the only one who could gauge that impact, so I'm just talking about practically. Childcare? Doesn't sound as if he provides any. Ferrying to activities? Think through what you would need to do in purely practical terms. If he won't leave, can you and the children leave?

Think it all through as dispassionately as you can. Regard it as a series of problems to be solved, one step at a time. Think it through, take your time, look for possibilities. Can pressure be applied to him by e.g. his family? Can you call on support from your family for e.g. childcare? What could you look to for income? How could outgoings be trimmed? Whatever you do, do not consider yourself to be trapped. You are not.

In the meantime, his laundry and his cooked meals are his problem. As is his sex (as it really doesn't sound like a joint activity ). Have sex only when you want to.

!!!!!!! 'I have asked him on numerous occasions to start pulling his weight but if he doesn't get time do his "hobbies" he is unbearable to be with.'

Gosh, let me see: kids, work, study, NO help with household stuff - I can't imagine why you're not gagging for it every night,. OP! Not.

He sounds entitled, selfish, and lazy. Sorry, OP. what are you going to do? Has he always been like this? If he can't see that it would be fair if he pulled his weight then can you make him see this??? Have you asked him to do his share? What does he say?

PS LTB. You deserve so much more.

Urghhhh I couldn't live with someone who put this sort of pressure on me and badgered me for sex/affection, how awful

"The reason I dont want more sex is because I cant bring myself to fancy a man who acts like a spoilt child. If you want more sex then you need to be more attractive because at the moment when I look at you all I see is a whiny toddler. Good luck finding a woman who will fancy that!"

Text him that!

Haha, dh does do a lot around the house, he's loving and helps out and we only have sex once or twice a month. Dh has never once complained and understands that life is busy and hectic and sex is extra.
Get rid op, without knowing you I can still say you are worth more. You deserve a man who is loving, understanding, helps around the house and doesn't get angry if you don't put out every day.