Aibu to think the school should get involved even if dd "seems happy"

[havingamadmoment]

Eldest dd is 8 . She has never had any friends, she has struggled to fit in. She just seems different to the other children. It's really hard to describe - she is friendly and chatty but can't get must past that she almost scares other children off. She is a lovely girl but over emotional and she just doesn't follow the Norms. For example the other girls in her class are into monster high but dd loves fireman Sam still, nothing wrong with that but she doesn't even try to fit in which marks her out for bullying.

She sings and dances to herself in the playground and again get made fun of. Not long ago she was pushed the the floor while a group of older children threw balls at her and kicked her . I was enraged but she just shrugged her shoulders. Children run away from her when she talks to them, refuse to talk to her and make fun of her every action. I have seen them, ds has seen them and her teacher has admitted it and yet dd doesn't seen to care she says she "loves" school because of the activities and seems oblivious to the fact that she is basically an outcast.

The school are saying "she seems happy" and won't really discuss the problems. I am worried that dd finds it so normal that she doesn't get upset. I an desperate to help her.

She is very clever and does well at work but her social skills are 0. AIBU to think the school should be stepping in even if she does seem happy, I am not there I can't do anything but complain -again. If she didn't "love" the activities I would have taken her out of school long ago but I am now getting upset at the schools lack of action over this.

I don't have much experience of autism, but this does sound like one of DS's friends, who I know is autistic (and a lovely sweet girl). I know the little girl has had social problems and I always take time to listen to her when she starts talking. I've heard the echolalia (she copied my accent really well ). The school does take this seriously, they have a unit for children with moderate special needs, who are integrated into the mainstream classes where appropriate. I am happy that DS and his friends are so accepting of children with SN. I've seen them almost fighting to be partnered with a child with SN, they love helping and sharing at this school.

Interestingly some of the traits mentioned in the link could have described me as a child. I still hate making eye contact with people I don't know well, can still copy accents (was known as quite a mimic when younger) and I occasionally still have issues with social skills. I guess it's possible that many of us have one or two traits without it being autism.

Just for balance, when I was 8 years old I was just like your DD. And I had many of the traits in the link, like accidentally copying accents - I honestly don't do it on purpose! - poor social skills, love of animals, "know-it-all" status and a good reader/story writer. As far as I know, I'm not on the spectrum. Though reading the list of "women with autism" I fit a worryingly large number of those as well

I would definitely get your DD to see a GP if you're worried about it, but I wouldn't be too hasty to label her. She may just be "different", and that is what's causing the other children's reactions. I used to get the same thing when I was at school, though generally it wasn't so bad at primary level.
You should get the school to take the bullying more seriously though - because I was a "happy" looking child, nobody ever did anything about my bullies either, and it hurt to realise the teachers either looked the other way or weren't bothered.

Hi there. Your post brought tears to my eyes!

My daughter's only 5, and has a diagnosis of high functioning autism (was diagnosed at 3) but already i can see other children treating her differently.

Her classmates seem so much older than her. She sings and dances to herself, stims (flasps hands/flicks fingers) almost every other minute, stutters, doesn't really play with people, other children bash into her without a second thought, or try and scare her.

Luckily, because of her diagnosis, she has a support plan in place to tackle things like this right away. Some of the children also understand she is 'different' and help her in school, such as help her pack her things away at the end of class, or help her put her coat on.

She also has a primary 7 'buddy' who keeps and eye on her at intervals.

I'd definitely recommend a wee trip to the school nurse and ask for a referral to the community pediatrician to voice your concerns. I'm a bit surprised the school is being so laidback about it though. I would have thought they'd have highlighted the possibility of ASD to you before now.

Regardless of whether or not she has a diagnosis, this shouldn't be happening. It's bullying at the end of the day, even if your daughter's not upset (i'm upset for her!). The school has a duty of care. They should arrange a chat/assembly with the children to highlight their anti-bullying rules. You should also ask for a copy of these for yourself. Definitely don't let this go. Ask to speak to the head. If nothing gets done, take it further.