to expect a nursery to cater for my childs needs?

[Mimisrevenge]

My DD1 goes to a pre prep department of a local prep school. She's quite a bright lass but how much can I expect them to cater for her individual learning needs, even though they say that it isn't what they do?

I'm stuck becuase I don't want to come over as pushy parent but I've got a very unhappy bored little girl on my hands! I understand that as she is only 3 it isn't school as such and they aren't obligated to 'teach' her.

Hi,
Yes I spoke to them today and they seem to want to help. I was a bit perturbed by some of the things they said. Feel like I'm doing it wrong but I just want her to be happy-she's been going there since 4 months and never a prob. We work long hours but we have long holidays and family time is precious-we spend lots of time together for 13 weeks of the year!

Thank you for your comment about your own kids. I think I'm panicking a bit because she got so upset. I think you have helped me to see its not the whole experience she might be referring to.

My friends dd is bright and chatty and outgoing and she sent her to a preprep nursery place for a while, as she thought she would really need something to stretch her daughter. But instead her dd ended up getting a reputation (I know! At 3!) for not doing what she was told, as it was the sort of place where it was quite formal and her dd just didn't want to sit and do colouring all day. She switched her to a more local, sure start type nursery and found she was much happier. It sounds like the nursery maybe isn't the right fit for your daughter?

I would be very surprised that she remarked on the other children talking in a silly/baby way spontaneously, my extremely verbal children have always got on very well with less verbal, even non-speaking children (either as very shy/communication difficulties)- I would not encourage that way of thinking about others. Also, at 3/4 many children are not playing with each other but a lot of alongside play, so I would be surprised if they are restricting her play by not speaking in a way of which she approves:)

What would you like her to be doing? If she's bright, can't she just do what they do at a more developed level- e.g. be more creative, draw in a more complex way and so on. Or do you want them to move on to letters/reading and so on- you can have fun reading simple books at home and moving her on yourself, I don't think it's reasonable for them to start teaching a 3 year old to read, my dd did go to a pre-school where they did letters/writing names in exercise books at around that age and in the end they dropped it as although it was fine for a few of them, the rest were just not with the programme and they moved to a more play-based curriculum, but still incorporating letters/sounds/books/reading more holistically.

To Takver-funny you should mention that. Colouring and sticking was something she mentioned as "boring". She painted a lovely pic and my husband asked her if he could take it to work to put near his desk. She answered no. Sometimes she rips up things she made at school, saying they're not pretty. Hoping its normal 3 year old behaviour.

It's probably too long a day for her stuck in the same place.

Nurseries that provide day care do all the same things in a day that a pre school can do in a three hour session, so it's understandable that she's getting bored.

If she's keen to read then she will probably teach herself, some children do this just by reading the same books a lot and hearing the sounds.

This all sounds normal to me and colouring and sticking is quite boring, in my state pre-schools, the teachers set up different activities on each table, there's tonnes of dressing up/imaginative play (but also structured sometimes), lots of drawing/writing a few letters/words, story activities, cooking, making and doing- junk modelling and so on. I would expect colouring and sticking to be a very tiny part of the day- perhaps it is and she has just focused on it as the example of how it is 'boring'.

It is very much the sort of thing that my dd would have done at that age and older - in fact she loathed drawing in school because I think it never came out how it 'should look' in her mind.

Similarly she refused point blank to speak any Welsh for her first 2 terms or so in nursery (Welsh medium), but then - I think - once she was happy that she'd got it straight was suddenly one of the most fluent in the class.

I'm not sure that its normal, IYKWIM, in that I guess 3 y/os vary as much as anyone else in personality. But I suppose 'within the range of normal' might be a better way of seeing it?

And- the great preschool we used also did a lot of preparation for writing and reading, even though they didn't teach it formally, so lots of pen control activities, having a letter of the week and finding things that begin with it, poems, games with words, lots of reading stories and so on. Basically they put as much effort into their day as a reception teacher would in a school, and both mine then complained how boring it was when they really started school and it was all sitting on the carpet nicely (so this is a common complaint!)

thing1 and thing2-yes I hope that won't be the case-we like it! But well prepared to work with nursery on solving issues, and well aware that it won't necessarily be a quick fix thing. I certainly dont want to encourage this way of thinking about others-any ideas on how to drop that in?
Mumsyblouse-yes I think thats what I mean. Im gonna get flamed again for boasting (and Im not honestly) but it seems relevant to your response so I will try to explain. She can already write her name, letters, numbers draw and identify shapes etc (at 18 months). I raised this in the meeting all parents had before she went into the class but I dont think they really believed it.
Thanks everyone for the helpful comments :)

my 3 year old is speech delayed,only draws squiggles and has no interest in reading so I wouldnt worry about your daughter too much.She sounds like a shoo in for oxford.

I'm confused. Did they really say that catering to individual needs isn't something they did?! Because even lowly old childminders like myself are expected to do that, we're supposed to observe what the children in our care are capable of doing and plan how to develop that.

That said, 8-6 is quite a long time and it would be impossible to keep a child of any age completely happy and engaged for every minute of 10 hours. She will relay to you the most significant bits for her and that will quite possibly be the bits she doesn't like.

Are the nursery a bit prescriptive though? Is she being made to glue and stick and draw straight lines when she doesn't want to? Because if she is then that's a bit daft and I can't see any educational merit in it.

Thing1andthing2 has a point I think. I sometimes pick a friend's daughter up from a small pre-prep nursery and the children are all sat around tables doing the same activities. It looks very formal for 3 years old. My 3 year old goes to a huge school nursery where there are a whole range of activities on offer, only one set up at a table, and they choose what they want to do, with just a little structure at the beginning of the session.

Hello Op.

I think 8 -6 is a long time in nursery for anyone. I appreciate it is 3 days and not all week and I'm not being judgemental just factual.
Nurseries won't teach your child as a little bit more formality is introduced during pre school, but then its only a little. I'm sure your dd will be learning a lot through play and it seems as though her problems are more to do with the environment than what she is doing there.
She will be learning social skills too and if there are several dc who are slightly different than her she will be coming to terms with this as well. Perhaps she is just tired after a long day or maybe over stimulated.

if she wants to read, let her. some children want to. education should be about moving children on from where they currently are.

I think you will find reception yr at school is quite similar-it still comes under the early years framework. Does she have friends there? Does she socialise well with the other children?

Thanks to the last 3 posters. I've a lot to think about. :)

Mimi so be it, but she will still benefit from improving fine and gross motor coordination holding a pencil/catching a ball, from being read aloud to, learning all her letters (not just repeating them, but knowing which sounds they connect with and starting to combine them) and so on. My dd's, like tens of thousands of kids, are also 'bright' (not even beginning to start to stealth boast, just going straight for boasting!) but they always just adapt to whatever circumstances they are in and don't seem to have the problem of needing to be 'stretched' -they just have fun stretching themselves - with paint, pens, materials, imaginative play.

I think your dd is tired and might well find the long days boring, but this will not be solved by them starting to try to take her in the direction of formal learning, she's just crying and moaning because she's little and that's what little children do. I think this is an emotional issue because you feel bad she is so upset, not really a learning one.

DD's school nursery (and reception year) was much more as Themobstersknife describes. Definitely no being made to sit down and colour in unless they wanted to!

My DD certainly preferred school to nursery and it seemed to me it was the lack of structure that was the problem. There was simply too much free play time for her liking. That and the fact she has always been a little swot who wants to do schoolwork, lol!

Although, I do agree with the other posters who say that this is all conditional on a range of activities being available- the two pre-schools mine attended had really great facilities and very little colouring/sticking, and I would check they have the sand/water/materials/dressup/games as standard, plus I'm not against some letters/numbers/books work.

I wouldn't say that an more prescriptive / formal setting not suiting was a problem related to bright or otherwise, anyway - more a personality issue, perhaps?

I'm sure you do spend lots of time as a family (hope you didn't think I was suggesting otherwise).

But none the less, a 10 hour day in nursery 3 times a week will inevitably mean she'll find parts of it boring...or even grow to dislike it now she's getting older.

That's why I'm wondering if you're focussing too much on what she doesn't like, rather than what she does if that makes sense?

Either way, I'm sure it'll even itself out.

Also- both mine went through a phase of finding school boring when they first started (after an initial honeymoon phase) and I'm afraid after a few tears and so on, I got a bit brisker about it- you have to go to school, and that's that! Of course, a three year old is that much younger, but I still think saying things are boring, perhaps getting upset and not liking things, and seeing what your parents are going to do about it is quite normal behaviour.

Was going to write a long post but will make it simple. I completely agree with Mumsy.