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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

fed up with bing forced to stay at expensive, poncy hotels at weddings and get my own back by getting married in a cave?

72 replies

bettycocker · 20/05/2013 01:01

Like the titles says really. And hen dos too. I resent paying premium prices, to stay in poncy hotels when you're a wedding guest, but most of all for the kinds of relatives you see twice a year tops. I'm happy to give a pressie, but not so much with the hotel bill. If you dont fork out for the hotel room, people think you are either too mean, or too poor.

So, I am planning to get married in a cave. DP is totally up for this and it must be possible.

My DM thinks it is a terrible idea. She says caves can dark, dank and they are unpleasant places. l like caving and it is beautiful underground. My DM has asked me what people should wear - wellies? I replied that if it works for them, they can wear what they like. She asked if I would wear a wedding dress with a pair of wellies. I replied that it was a distinct possibility. We haven't told ILs yet.

AIBU to get married in a cave and AIBU to derive an evil pleasure from being a bridezilla who will also mildly exact revenge upon all the people who have made me stay in poncy hotels when I didn't actually want to for all these years?

I also intend to get married in a remote location and hire a "down to earth" place for the reception and guest accomodation. they'll attend a wedding in a cave and hopefull stay in a Welsh pub/B&B in the middle of nowhere - deal with it mofos, it's my turn to be bridezilla. Grin

By the way, as the bride, I shall also do my own speach and will keep my own surname. Bollocks to convention.

OP posts:
thing1andthing2 · 20/05/2013 08:45

Just don't go off to the other end of the country for your wedding and expect all your guests to trek across to join you! That's the worst bit for me. Worse than the ponsiness of the hotel.
Two friends of ours who live in our town (south east coast) were planning their wedding on a beach in north Devon. Realistically a 6 hour drive! And it was supposed to be child free. DH and I had decided we wouldn't go when she suddenly rang up and asked me to be maid of honour! I was like "I'd be delighted, but what am I supposed to do with a 3 year old and an 11month old?" If she'd organised the wedding 10 minutes down the road there would have been a realistic chance of me coming.
The cave thing though, sounds really nice.

Original poster
bettycocker · 20/05/2013 08:52

I know IAB a bit U about poncy hotels. The people themselves aren't poncy though! I know I don't people don't have to stay at expensive hotels, but some of our family and friends would have been a bit Hmm if people didn't. It's their day though.

I have waited for nearly 40 years to get married and thought it would never happen. My friends and family have got married over the years and I'm actually quite looking forward to it. This time I can be bridezilla, but I shall try not to be.

I never yell at IL's and I think they would all like the idea. Some of the family are a bit creaky, so I would obviously choose the most accessible cavern/cave and make the service as short as possible.

Can you get someone besides a priest to marry you? We aren't at all religious. Can you get someone who is all new agey to marry a couple?

OP posts:
Original poster
bettycocker · 20/05/2013 08:54

thing1andthing2 There is actually a cave place near us that is a bit of a tourist attraction and I think you can hire it out. That would be my first port of call. If not, somewhere near us in Wales.

If we could use the one near us, we could put close family up at our place even.

OP posts:
Pos1 · 20/05/2013 08:59

You can get married in Chislehurst Caves in the South East if that's anywhere near you - they have a chapel type thing that they used during the war when it was a shelter for those living there to get married, and if I remember correctly, not many steps, just some slopes. You could then stay at the pub next door.....( no idea what that's like though)

StanleyLambchop · 20/05/2013 08:59

It sounds great to me and I would be up for it!

If you google St Michaels Cave in Gibraltar (I am no good at linky things)you will find pictures of the Cathedral Cave, which is actually used for concerts as the setting is very like a cathedral, they put chairs in with an aisle down the middle, it looks amazing! So it is not such a crazy idea after all.

KentishLass · 20/05/2013 09:01

Betty yes you can hire an Independent Celebrant (like myself Grin ) to conduct your wedding ceremony! We can hold this anywhere you like, a cave sounds amazing! If you'd like more details I will PM you x

EllaFitzgerald · 20/05/2013 09:01

pudcat Was that the programme with Caroline Quentin? The cave looked stunning and the cable cars made it look like everyone would be able to get down there with no problems.

OP; I think it's a wonderful idea, I'd love to go to a wedding like that.

CruCru · 20/05/2013 09:02

Re new agey types, why don't you try the Humanists? I think the Druids would be a bit funny about marrying someone who doesn't follow their religion.

Circaea · 20/05/2013 09:06

I got married in a cave, it was lovely. No wellies required. Go for it!

Damnautocorrect · 20/05/2013 09:12

The one with Caroline quentin looked beautiful, loads of candles lighting it, just beautiful.
Yes do it, it will be amazing

Katnisscupcake · 20/05/2013 09:19

Cave weddings are beautiful.

I know because our family has a Wedding Business (flowers, decorations, cars, jewellery etc etc) and has already done a couple of cave weddings.

It's amazing how beautiful they can look with a few lights, candles and flowers. Let your imagination go wild!!! Smile

We had a church wedding and our reception in a Hotel, but that was before my Dparents started their wedding business. I wish I was doing it now so that I could have something really different!

YADNBU!!!

theodorakisses · 20/05/2013 09:48

Totally agree and never go to weddings for that reason and also being told where to sit and what to eat and be expected to entertain the dullest humans known to man. And, no, I am not interested how you know the bride and groom, the fact that you used to live next door to them is of no interest and I am, taking into account travel expenses, gift, hotel and will to live that has been expended, having this making me want to kill myself conversation at the rate of about 50p a minute.

theodorakisses · 20/05/2013 09:49

I would however love a cave wedding. I am never, ever going to Thailand for a poncy wedding again though

Sleepysocks · 20/05/2013 09:56

Ooh I went to some caves in the Forest of Dean, Clearwell Caves. Very atmospheric (filmed Dr Who and Merlin there). One massive cavern near an underground lake was very memorable!

YoniBottsBumgina · 20/05/2013 11:40

We're hiring a field and letting people camp :) I love the idea of getting married in a cave!! Quite jealous I didn't think of it first, although with DP's actual hobby a cliff face would be more appropriate and I'm not sure I fancy that.

Original poster
bettycocker · 20/05/2013 11:40

DP and I discussed getting married abroad, but his DS already did that one. We also felt that it was unfair to expect people to fork out for the travel, especially people with DC. On the other hand, my folks live abroad and it would be nice to get married there. They are only in Europe though.

We really don't want anything formal. We want something simple, fun and quirky.

We now just have to decide upon a date. DP doesn't make any decisions quickly and has to research all possible avenues of enquiry. Hmm I am a chronic procrastinator. It would probably be wise to set a date for some time in 2015. Grin

OP posts:
YoniBottsBumgina · 20/05/2013 11:44

I think you can just hire a registrar as long as your cave ie licensed for weddings.

hophophippidtyhop · 20/05/2013 14:04

tunnels and beach in ilfracombe

CwtchesAndCuddles · 20/05/2013 14:11

My brother almost got married in a cave but in the end he and sil just went off abroad on their own and got married there.

Dan yr ogof is lovely!

www.showcaves.co.uk/furtherinfo/weddings.html

BackforGood · 20/05/2013 14:13

Ultimately up to you, as long as you are not going to moan about the people who then don't come.... people who are claustrophobic, people who are unsteady on their feet, people who just don't like standing around in cold, damp environments!
There's a whole lot of options you could choose that involve neither poncy hotels, nor caves.

Snoopytwist · 20/05/2013 14:39

We made people camp in the middle of a wood and had a big BBQ - it was great and very memorable - do they cave thing, OP, people will love it - much more interesting than some bland hotel.

Khaleese · 20/05/2013 14:48

Snoopy, we did similar but with a church!

Hate all the stupid costs of weddings. Don't get me started on the tens of thousands friends have spent on wedding yet can't afford to buy a home.

curryeater · 20/05/2013 14:49

YANBU but I personally hate caves. I might not go if I were on your guest list, because I, too, am over claustrophobic wedding environments. No worse than an overheated, corporately decorated, window-challenged hotel, but as far as I am concerned, not much better - not that you care, and why should you.
Do you like camping? Maybe your guests should all stay in tents.

curryeater · 20/05/2013 14:50

x-posted with snoopy on the camping thing.

I looked into getting married outdoors - admittedly years ago - but it didn't seem to be legal. Are there any caves licensed for weddings? (sorry for being a wet blanket)

Inertia · 20/05/2013 14:52

Sounds fabulous- but you do need to bear in mind that some people might not be able or willing to come.