...to feel sad that I just can't enjoy 'romantic' films any more...

[Punkatheart]

To be honest, it was never my fav genre - I am more of a horror, sci-fi, independent indie girl. But now I just find myself flooding with cynicism...hated in particular the recent one with Anne Hathaway, about a man falling in love with a girl with Parkinson's. I just keep wanting to scream at the screen 'Life isn't like that!' There are no men as lovely as that. It never works out! No one would want a woman who is sick, like me!

I can feel Miss Havisham creeping over me and I don't like this version me. I want to be all happy and romantic and hopeful. Or should I just buy the wedding dress and start cultivating a dusty table of food and spiders?

If real life was like the movies, no-one would bother to pay to see them! It's not a bad thing to be sceptical, but not a bad thing to suspend disbelief for 90 minutes and just enjoy the idea of pink fluffy cloud true love conquering all!

I have spent too long lurking on the relationships board here - whenever the Prince Charming doesn't take no for an answer and persists in stalking wooing the woman, I am just thinking "That's a massive red flag! Run, woman, run!" And don't get me started on the "nice guys" who put in all that hard work talking to the woman and being there for her, and eventually she realises he was her true love all along... because what a load of wasted effort all that friendship stuff would have been if he didn't get laid at the end of it! I am far too cynical and grumpy for Hollywood's shit.

Well, from my own experience I would say a man falling in love with a disabled girl is at least as plausible a scenario as her being eaten by mutant monsters

In some ways, I think my own life reads like a romantic film: innocent 19yo with no previous love life goes abroad on holiday, meets foreign man with no very definite means of sustenance, various misunderstandings on the way result in a 10 years long distance relationship sustained primarily by letter writing (I have boxes full in the loft!), finally marriage, birth of disabled child, husband stays and adapts his life to be supportive, hideous misunderstandings with health professionals threaten the family, but the relationship wins through.

Of course the day to day reality is a lot more mundane and nitty gritty: we take out the bins and argue over the washing up like any other couple. It's been bloody hard work. But the synopsis is actually accurate: it happened like that.

But I too can see the red flags on many Relationship threads. They are usually not about the situation; they are about the personality of the man (and sometimes of the woman as well). And if one person is a selfish bastard then even the easiest circumstances won't help you.

God I loathe 'romantic' movies. Unrealistic tripe about ridiculously good-looking people who always have just the right line. Of course, if the movie continued, they would all end up getting divorced two years down the line.

Don't watch them, Punk. Like womens mags, they exist only to make you feel crap about yourself.

I don't think romantic movies are necessarily supposed to be any more realistic than sci-fi or horror movies ... do you hate them for being unrealistic too?

I am not expecting them to be realistic but even in a sci-fi film there is something that sustains the interest - a credible world. But in romantic films, why do people talk in cliches? Why do men utter lines that were last heard by a woman in Jane Austen? I think credible, interesting and multi-layered 'romantic' films should be possible.

It should be possible to talk about love without all the nonsense.

Cory - I would much rather see a story like yours. Lovely. I do like to see people happy btw - I am not yet a twisted old witch!

I think that life sadly can colour a person's judgement. My Prince Charming - and yes, I used all those stupid words soul mate etc - not only changed back into a frog but is now a toad. Never even calls to check on his daughter, who has depression and heart issues.

I need to meet some more lovely folk and try and balance my view of the world. I have the opposite of rose-tinted specs - they may be slurry-splattered contacts, or something equally gross.

I have a man like that. He is currently burping a 3 day old kitten who, like many humans and animals in need, he opens his heart and home to. He is strong and generous, loves us with a passion and can as easily kill a snake (we are abroad) as weep over orphan kittens vulnerability.
Maybe I am just lucky or maybe we are both weird and compatible. All I know is we are lucky.

Agree that the cliched language is a problem. I suppose the truth is that real life couples don't actually express themselves very well at all- but that doesn't matter because they've got the real thing- and it's terribly difficult to write dialogue that is both romantic and plausible.

Hoorah - great to hear that theodora! A man who is that beautiful to animals - would be really really precious. I am happy for you. Tell him from me he's a star.

Yes it may be difficult to write good dialogue - but it's possible!

Love And Other Drugs was shit though, so dont' give up on films based on that pile of cack

I have an amazing DH who 'took me on' as a single mother of two with more baggage than Gatwick. He is a truly nice man and I have to trust that he will always be. He's an equal parent to all three of our DC and has never raised his voice to me or said or done anything remotely nasty or selfish in six years.

It's possible.

I have a very good friend (also an MNer) who also has Mr Right, like us they don't bicker or argue and are smitten and blissful. We like to think that nice people are out there, you just have to find them and surround yourself with them. That goes for friends as well as relationships.

Love is lovely.

I remember your threads about your relationship, so if it helps I'm cheering here because you've finally realised what a complete tool your exH is. Plus it sounds like you're much more pragmatic and realistic than you once were, which are all good things.

Chick lit as a genre in either books or films is best avoided, along with romantic twaddle. In fact anything that's geared towards any stereotypes about what women are supposed to want in men or relationships, should be dumped in the bin. As a feminist, none of it seems to resonate with the sort of woman I am, the sort of man I'd be interested in or the sort of relationship I'd be happy to be in.

Having said all that, I know several men who've fallen in love and been fantastic partners to women with illnesses and disabilities (even right from the off) but they aren't the types of men favoured by the media you're referring to, so there's probably a link there somewhere.

Oh I do wish that I could find a lovely dad for my teenage daughter. She may be technically an adult now but the poor kid is so vulnerable still. I think I would put that first in my priorities now.

Yes wasn't Love and Other Drugs a pile of cack! Hollywood in its 'as long as the people are beautiful people will believe it' mood.

theodora that has to be the quote of the week "He is currently burping a 3 day old kitten".
That needs to be on an Athena poster...

he has asked for his belly to be airbrushed...

Who cares about a belly if a man is that lovely?

But yes - that is quote of the week.

Please say you will make it into a t-shirt for him.

Oh they just depress me.
make me feel even more alone and unloved.
soooooo wish Jane Austern stuff would happen in real life.

I send you a big hug, marjproops. No man (or woman) is good enough for us. Must go, there is man in a wet shirt emerging from my pond.

ditto punk !

Me and dC are okay but I think sometimes she needs a dad too, has never known one (for proper valid reasons) and id love someone to love and love me.

don't you think that, that eventhough the love from your child is priceless and precious its still not the same as the love from a man? including the physical side of it.?

True my love - very true. But I feel very damaged by my ex other half now - not to sound too Oprah but I do have serious trust issues. It would be have to be a very very special man now.

I do think sometimes that filling girls' heads with romantic pulp can do harm - another reason why I hate romantic tosh. Sadly my daughter always talked about 'meeting a lovely man like her dad.' I won't tell you what she says now - but it's sad that her trust too has been shaken.

Kind, clever, funny. That's what I would like. For her too. You too.

xx

If you analyse most romantic movies you can't spot red flags all over the place. Stalkerish behaviour, declaring undying love after a week, grandiose gestures.

I like to watch films like that through the 'mumsnet filter' and often find myself shouting at the screen: "run for the hills!"

you can* spot

punk me and dc too and Im just like you with trust issues.

I can't enjoy them anymore as they just make me cry and leave me feeling unloved and inadequate. Dh walked out on me and our 2 dd's a year ago but I am still a mess when I see other people happy and in love

Ah bollocks, was all set to agree with you when i remembered that my oh only asked me to move in with him after i got diagnosed with an incurable medical condition. So it can happen, although it took a lot of frog kissing and a failed marriage to get here.