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AIBU to think I will never have a chance to self-study with a little one at home?

69 replies

whosthis · 19/05/2013 22:36

Hi, I felt super rubbish these days. I planned for a career change next year and wanted to do a qualification exam. I had decided to go for it in early January. I registered for the exams which would take place this week.

Honestly, in the beginning, I didn't try hard enough. So fair enough, I had no progress whatsoever until late March. From then, I did try to squeeze some time to self-study. But the daytime with my little one next to me, I felt like I had really barely any time to finish the housework. I often only have a chance to have my lunch after 3pm or dinner after 9pm... I can't understand where all the time has gone. But in the end of the day, I would be too tired (especially mentally tired) to do much study.

I did try a few weeks studying from 11pm (after finish cleaning the kitchen) until 3am (ish)with DS and DH both asleep.

There are only few days before the exams. I had long given up knowing that there's no chance I could pass any of them this time. I would still go to sit them, but only to get some experience...

Am I being unreasonable to fear that from now on until DS goes to school, I would never get a chance to self-study at home? I would be returning to work soon... Just feel rubbish that I was not capable to do much for myself in the entire maternity leave! So many months! Feeling so so ashamed!

If I was not able to do it while I stay at home 24 hours, is there any slight chance I could have it done when I go back to work???

OP posts:
Squitten · 20/05/2013 20:17

MrsKoala What happens if you put your baby to bed and just leave him there?

spidersandslugs · 20/05/2013 20:26

Interesting thread. I've been considering doing a degree with the ou. I can't face earning nmw for the rest of my days. I'm currently a sahm to 2 dcs 3 & 1. We just can't afford childcare & my husband's work hours change all the time (shift work) otherwise I'd be working. I want to be able to fulfill my potential, to provide my children with a bright future & retire in comfort.
Am just worried if doing a degree (under & post grad in my case) is doable with two small dcs. You ladies have inspired me!

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 20/05/2013 20:44

Try going to bed at decent time n getting up at 5/6am n studying til husband goes to work n at weekends get up n study at 6am til lunchtime then rest day is family time but husband really needs to support u n take care of baby

pamplem0usse · 20/05/2013 20:50

Refuses milk? At 8mo? Where are you feeding him? A dark, silent room? Wheb did he last nap? If he hasn't napped for 4 or so hours and he won't feed to sleep in a quiet dark room you need to take him to the docs. some babies have sleep issues because of dietary allergies....

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 20/05/2013 20:54

We r a family of just 3 n do 2 loads very occasionally 3 loads washing wk we have a 9kg drum though. I work 4 days week n have just completed a post grad diploma at masters level part time. I got funding for n started dissertation but that's wherehit the wall a yr-18mths of everyeve n weekend studying n decided my toddler is only a Toddler once n i am all ready in great position at work

MrsKoala · 20/05/2013 21:10

Squitten - He just screams into a state till he vomits

Pample - Yes, he has refused milk for all his life. i had to wean at 4mo. He just eats food and no milk. I started another thread about it in chat just today. Doctor says he's fine. He last napped for 20 mins at 4pm. yes tried all the quiet/dark sleeping techniques.

MrsKoala · 20/05/2013 21:22

Eastmidlands - If DH is working in UK he gets up at 6.30 and has a 2 hour commute. Gets home about 7 when he takes over DS while i cook. we eat about 8, while trying to put DS down. DH usually then has 2 hours of work while i continue with DS. We all go to bed at 10-11 and then we all get up about 6.30 again. If DH is working abroad (about 50% of the time) i'm on my own. When he is in the UK he does TA on Tues/Weds nights and 2 weekends per month. Also there is no consistency and will often need to travel at short notice.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 20/05/2013 21:59

Mrs.... Your doctor is wrong.

There is something not right if a baby is so distressed he won't feed.

I was fobbed off by my gp when dd was a baby. She had severe reflux and I regret to this day not fighting for help for her.

As it turned out she was intolerant to wheat and cows milk, her gut was being damaged and she was in pain.

Once I realised and changed her diet she was a different child.

It's so hard with your first as you assume it's supposed to be so hard but honestly, it's not. You and your little one need to get this sorted. Go to a different gp and tell them what you've told us.... I guarantee you no decent doctor will tell you it's 'fine'

MrsKoala · 20/05/2013 22:08

He is not distressed. Sorry if i implied that. He is only distressed if he has to go to bed. He is happy not drinking. He refuses the bottle by pushing the teat out with his tongue. He wont drink water or juice from the sippy cup. he happily has his milk on weetabix or in rice pudding etc. He just hates drinking. When on holiday we had to syringe water into his mouth as he wouldn't drink. The dr and HV's have all said he's very healthy and there is nothing wrong with him.

Thewhingingdefective · 20/05/2013 22:14

I signed up for a fast track Biology A level in October - I handed in coursework a few weeks ago and my first exam is tomorrow. I have four children, the youngest being twin toddlers. I have found it hellish trying to find time to study - in fact I have done very little work and am most likely going to flunk the course. I had totally forgotten just how much time and dedication studying takes. It is totally my fault, for assuming I could squeeze two years' work into eight months.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 20/05/2013 22:15

Have they checked his mouth thoroughly? Palate and tongue?

Ds2 was tongue tied and struggled with drinking massively. He used to push teats out as well and choked and coughed constantly when breastfeeding.

MrsKoala · 20/05/2013 22:32

Yes Summer, all been checked numerous times. He has just always hated drinking. Oddly enough he got quite into boob when teething around 5mo. But now has top and bottom 4 teeth just bites down without drinking and i can't continue as it is too painful and damaging to my poor nipple :( He used to have reflux badly so maybe that's why he hates drinking. I just worry he isn't getting the nutrition he needs now.

Sorry for the sidetrack OP :)

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 20/05/2013 23:01

This won't help if you've already stopped breastfeeding but might come in handy if you have another. If they bite while feeding pull the baby's head towards your boob, not away. They release instantly when they gasp for air, also works for older children and some dogs

pamplem0usse · 21/05/2013 00:17

I'm sorry but 8mo babies do not self wean from milk if all is well. We have bad sleep here with a same aged baby but he has very complex medical needs. and he still goes down at 7pm. it sounds like he"s only sleeping 8 hours out of 24 which is not right. Take him to another GP.....

drfayray · 21/05/2013 00:40

I did my Master degree part time over two years when the DC were little. I became extremely efficient; if DD was sleeping (she was the younger) I would put on DS's favourite film, and study. He did not suffer (17 now and going for the Maths prize at school and a good lad on top of it Grin).

I would also pay for a babysitter for a block of 3 hours (esp when I had assignments due) and use every minute of it. This taught me to work hard and efficiently. I worked every night when they went to bed. Sure it was tiring but it was worth it. I went on to do a PhD. I did feel that I did not spend as much time with my children but they say they are extremely proud of me. I am a single parent now and my qualifications are making sure that I can support them and myself.

In the playgroup I used to attend, some of the DC used to play at going to the pub. Mine played at studying Grin.

And housework? As long as things were clean, tidy didn't fuss me. My then DH did help but to be honest, it was all up to me. I wanted those degrees and I got them.

Good luck.

MrsHoarder · 21/05/2013 08:28

Op I have been up most of the night finishing off my last piece of coursework for the semester. I'm on top of the work despite having an 11mo ds.

But the house is a mess, the minimal housework that does get done is done whilst ds is awake (he loves chasing the Hoover and when I do a silly tidying dance and exploring the garden whilst I hang the washing out).

Plus dh is doing more than usual to cover for what I can't, so he'll cook and wash up whilst I hit the books.

Basically let your standards in everything else go, clean with the baby wherever its save and get your dh on your side and its doable.

whosthis · 21/05/2013 12:40

Hi ladies, thank you so much for the encouragement and inspiration you've given. Lots of good tips, and truly makes me think IT IS DOABLE.

All in all, three major factors - housework to minimum, husband to support and take responsibility, dedication to better organise the time...

It's probably a feminine issue - My house is not very tidy at all, but I feel really dreaded to leave it to a worse state... This is probably a huge challenge...

OP posts:
CAF275 · 21/05/2013 12:50

I did a full time 4 year degree with a baby (had DS half way through first year), DH, part-time job and a house to clean. I can assure you it's possible, but you have to be extremely organised.

Unfortunately my DH is domestically challenged so all housework etc is down to me. If he's not home until 7.30 there's nothing stopping you preparing dinner earlier and he can heat his up when he comes home though? I used to get down to studying at around 9pm, which was extremely difficult at the beginning of each semester, but you just get into a groove to be honest. Come exam time, especially my finals, DH did step in more to help.

hokeycakey · 21/05/2013 13:01

Hi op

I see you have already got loads of great advice, I have done 2 level 3 qualifications with exams and have 3 dcs 5 and under and one on the way.... Yes it's hard work but just schedule in the time & make sure you stick to it

My dh leaves the house at 6 'and is not usually back until after 7 he will take turns cooking dinner or I will cook something for dcs much earlier & we have that later too, take the time for yourself & try not to feel guilty, I think you have to be very disciplined and firm with yourself.

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