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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pay for attending children's party.

47 replies

Savvyblonde · 18/05/2013 19:06

This is linked to another thread about paying for attending an adults party. But I have a friend who drops her 3 year old and runs at parties. With the excuse of plenty of other adults to look after DD. this puts lots of pressure on a few of us that stay to be with our DC's or the host. DF has just announced that Her DD's party this summer she not only expects parents to stay, but also bring a dish to share.
AIBU to be cross by the expectation that we will not only stay (which I would do anyway) but also provide food for the party, plus a present and apparently buy an ice cream at the ice cream van that is due to arrive?
I had to hold my tongue but was venting inside.

OP posts:

Ruprekt · 18/05/2013 21:31

yep, she is going and has been practising different cakes as she wants to win!!

This week was a Baileys frosted chocolate cake.

Totally bizarre!

UniS · 18/05/2013 21:35

LAst time DS had a BIG party ( village hall, whole class) a few parents asked if we would like them to bring a plate. I think its not uncommon round here. Certainly we have been to lots of "bring n share supper" dances where you pay an entrance fee that covers the hall hire and the band.

greenformica · 18/05/2013 21:37

I think it's OK to say bring a dish and pay your way in but only if they also say don't bring gifts.

amiapartypooper · 18/05/2013 21:38

Blimey, someone said on my thread that it's only mugs that enable these cheeky fuckers to get away with it and your friend seems to be one of those mugs ruprekt. I'd have to make a vomit flavoured cake with snot icing just to see te brides face when she wrapped her greedy gob round it!

expatinscotland · 18/05/2013 21:45

LOL @ ilove.

Bring n share suppers are just that, not a party with gifts expected, too.

imaginethat · 18/05/2013 21:52

For me it would depend on how important the party was to my own dc. If the children were good friends I would probably just go along with it for my own child's sake. If it was at a costly venue however, I would decline. A friend told me recently her dc were invited to a party at the zoo and to bring a picnic. So she was expected to pay entry for herself and dc, plus food and gift. She declined.

Ruprekt · 18/05/2013 22:14

I agree ami. People can only get away with this behaviour because others allow them to!

ProphetOfDoom · 18/05/2013 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minkembra · 18/05/2013 22:32

the point of a children's party is so the kids have a good time ( not so parents can bitch about what/what was not paid for).
i have been to parties were you brought a dish and patents stayed so the patents could socialise and not just stand there bored and starving. it was a good party.

i cater my kids parties but people still often offer to bring things.

so she may be asking you to stay to enjoy yourself. i.e.parents welcome. she may be feeling guilty that she normally does not stay to socialise. (although 3 is a bit young to leave)

then again it may just be to ensure you are there to.pay for ice cream van which is totally ott and cheeky. were it not for ice cream bit i would say chill out.

DameFanny · 18/05/2013 22:37

If she's manipulative in an earth-mother style then I really think you should take a lentil dip [innocent gave]

DameFanny · 18/05/2013 22:38

Or face. Sigh.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 18/05/2013 22:43

I recently declined an invitation to an 8 year olds birthday party. The parents decided they couldn't afford a party (which is fair enough), so instead they booked a table in a restaurant and invited people, and everyone paid for themselves.
So basically for the 4 of us to attend it would have cost about £30!
Once you add that to the cost of the gift, it is silly money to attend a child's "party".

What got me was that it cost the girls family (parents and 2 siblings) £40 to attend it themselves, when the last party they did at home (which was fab!) only cost them £25.

I think people are just trying to out do each other, and it is going too far.
But then I am a cruel Mummy, I do jelly and ice cream and pass the parcel at home. It was good enough for me as a kid lol.

twinklytoes · 18/05/2013 22:47

ruprekt snap! we're going to a wedding where we have to take a cake... with a GBBO style comp. I'm going to win! Wonder if it's the same wedding?
tbh it's only been all these recent threads that got me wondering about this wedding invite...we've got to take either a cake or a salad, our own drinks (toasts are covered!) and it's open mic.. so if you can sing, play guitar etc then they'll have your entertainment too. We can camp over night at the venue with no charge though. But maybe it's all a bit too cheeky.

LynetteScavo · 18/05/2013 23:08

Sounds cute, if the bride and groom are under 21.

Mumsyblouse · 18/05/2013 23:37

If you haven't got the money, you have a 'tea party' at home after school for a few friends, or take two to the cinema on the weekend, you don't hold big parties and then expect everyone to bring something and pay for their own ice-cream. People can't seem to downsize along with their budgets- all us 1970's children survived on a few children round, jelly and ice-cream, you can't have flashy parties if you don't have the money!

Plenty of people have told me this year they are not doing big parties, and have just had a few friends over, it's not like all 30 children in a class have a whole class party!

Kafri · 19/05/2013 09:19

ds has just been invited to a friends dd birthday party. shes (going to be) 2 and feiend has organised a day trip to a local theme park. now its a more child friendly theme park than, say, Alton Towers but by chold friendly I mean 5/6y. so, its 18pp.
all well and good til I tel you that ds is only 5m. needless to say, I will be politely explaining that it's a fair way to travel for what will turn out to be, for me and ds anyway, an expensive walk around the theme park.

yaimee · 19/05/2013 09:33

I wouldn't mind being asked to bring a dish, it's pretty normal imo and really not much trouble.
You have no idea about her finances, she might be really struggling to make a party for her daughter.
Re the ice cream van, I don't think it will have been hired, just a mutual arrangement between the ice cream van and party host. Party host gets something exciting for the kids and ice cream van gets to maximums sales.
If you don't want to then don't go.
If you want to go and are skint or resent paying then take crisps and a token gift.

Saski · 19/05/2013 10:14

I'm a bit at leaving a three-year old at a party without specifically asking someone OTHER than the host to look after her. That's nowhere near old enough. What a piece of work.

MidniteScribbler · 19/05/2013 11:43

I was always under the assumption that if you ask someone to bring something along to a party/function that it was in lieu of gifts. Eg "in lieu of gifts, we would love it if you could bring a plate of your favourite cookies to share" or something along those lines. I would have no problem with that type of invitation.

But the ice cream man?? Nuh uh!! You can buy a few big tubs of ice cream at the supermarket, a few boxes of cones and a bunch of lollies such as smarties, 100s and 1000s, mixed lollies etc and put them out on the table for kids to go wild. Kids will have much more fun and it won't cost anywhere near as much. In fact, the mother could ask everyone to bring their favourite ice cream topping or decoration in lieu of gifts and just supply the tubs of ice cream herself.

Ragwort · 19/05/2013 11:50

Saski - I had no idea that parents were meant to stay at 3 year olds parties - years ago I happily left my child at party he was invited to - he was very confident and happy to be left - it wasn't until after I had left that I realised the looks of horror had been directed at me, but why did no one say anything if it wasn't felt to be appropriate?. Personally I found it a pain the neck when parents stayed at parties, children are much more likely to play up if their parents are around but perhaps because I am Cub leader I am well used to being bossy organising childrens' events . Thank goodness those days are long gone !

PodgyTumWellies · 19/05/2013 12:16

Ruprekt my jaw dropped at your post. Why did I never think of this? Our wedding could have been so much cheaper!!

[cheeky feckers]

Saski · 19/05/2013 12:26

Ragwort, lots of people are not confrontational in person when it comes to parenting issues (like me) because it's extremely uncomfortable, I think it's just common sense that a three year old needs not constant supervision but near enough that it's an imposition! Going to the bathroom, eating, putting shoes on/taking them off, dealing with the tears - who's going to help her with all these things?

Also sharing the view that money for ice cream is just RIDICULOUS! Why? Surely a giant tub and some cones is within reach?

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