to despise it when adults say "I need a wee"

[PopUpWorkshop]

or "I'm going for a wee" or "He's gone for a wee" etc.

Can't you just go to the loo without announcing it, or just refer to it as "the loo".

Adults "going for a wee" is childish and ever so common! So there!

[Buzzardbird]

Off to part the whiskers ...

[CointreauVersial]

"wet my beard" eeeew!

I don't like it when men say they are off "for a slash" as I always imagine them hosing down the whole bathroom in a somewhat slapdash way.

Anyway, I don't have a Percy, so I'm off to "point Alice at the Armitage".

[Bumpotato]

I used to work with a bloke I didn't get along with. If I took a call for him when he was out of the office I always said he was away to the toilet. Even if he was out for lunch or in a meeting.

[Nobhead]

May I offer some further alternatives?
Going for a piss
A Pat Cash
Expelling my bladder of the excess urine that has collected due to my fluid intake earlier.

I like to be specific as people may think you are going for a dump which is frankly just plain embarrassing.

[PopUpWorkshop]

"Loo" is far more acceptable than "Toilet".

If I hear someone say they "Need a wee", I realise that they were brought-up in a rough, uncultured home.

[StuntGirl]

Aww bless you OP, you tried so hard to be goady and no one was biting

[dementedma]

Shake the lettuce? Never heard of that one and don't see the connection.
Is " I need the bog" common?

[PopUpWorkshop]

If I was being goady, I would have chosen a much better subject!

[Pollydon]

At work, if senior manager in the room
Excuse me for a moment
If hes not in
Im off for a piss/wazz/slash/wet my lettuce.
I must be common as muck

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

I say "I need a wee" so I must be common. I'd rather be common than a judgemental snob. there you go stuntgirl

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

In Wales when you say my name is... it sounds like 'ad a wee.

So my son's teacher was saying "Mrs Jones 'ad a wee"

OP, you'd piss yourself if you had to sit in Welsh class.

[PopUpWorkshop]

I'd rather not sound like I'm in the throes of potty-training.

[Tweasels]

"I'm going for a piss out me flaps"

I save this phrase for when I'm in really elite company. Like you OP.

[PopUpWorkshop]

I do sit in a Welsh class! Toiledau is often a subject of discussion in the staffroom.

[PopUpWorkshop]

PopUp ydw i you mean?

[Mumof3men]

I'm not common, I went to grammar school! :-)

It really isn't anything I have ever thought of until reading this thread.
I shall be consciously listening to my colleagues this week, I'm pretty sure we nearly all say 'I need a wee,' usually accompanied by a dance as all of us try to go at break time!
I would NEVER do the other at work anyway!

[Branleuse]

its completely inoffensive.

[TheCountessOlenska]

My mother, who is the authority on all things posh, says she's "off for a wazz" and yet she visibly flinches when DD asks to go to the "toilet"

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

Yes, Chocs away ydw i

or should that be Chocs Away visited the lavatory?

Sorry OP, what is it you want us to say if had a wee displeases you?

Are you insisting we say loo? Some people think that's very common and the sign of a rough upbringing in a council house, with nothing but a sausage roll to look forward to.

[HoHoHoNoYouDont]

I say the wee/slash thing. I must have been raised in a rough uncultured home

[PopUpWorkshop]

Not everyone in Wales lives like that Chocs.

Yes, just go without having to mention it, or say you're going to the loo. Not difficult.

[Boomba]

Loo! Loo? Loo?

Don't be so twee

[AnnaFiveTowns]

Can somebody less common than me kindly explain what the issue with the word "toilet" is? I've heard people taking offence at this word before and have absolutely no idea why. Also, if you don't use that word, what do you use? I'm genuinely intrigued.

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

Not everyone in Wales lives like that Chocs.

but I DO live in Wales and I was raised in a council house! I'm proud of my roots and will continue to wee away. Besides I do have to tell people where I'm going otherwise my children follow me.

[Boomba]

I don't think people are offended by 'toilet' are they?

But then, I never imagined, having a 'wee' was a problem, so likely I'm wrong...