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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that just because I'm pro-life doesn't mean I hate feminism?

812 replies

TinkerSailerSoldierSpy · 18/05/2013 12:38

Friend and I were having a discussion, I'm 18 weeks pregnant, and it was a bit of an inconvenient surprise, considering I've started a new job just 2 months ago.I mentioned that it wasn't going to look good, me taking maternity leave after not even being there for a year, and she suggested perhaps considering there was no dad on the scene and my new job, I should terminate. I felt a bit uncomfortable but told her that I could never do that as I'm pro life and view it as killing a child. She then proceeded to stare at me like I had an extra head and ask me why in a shocked voice. I explained my reasons and views and we got into an arguement about it, the usual stuff, what about in cases of rape and if the woman's not financially able to support the child, to which I countered but is it right for a woman to get an abortion just because she wants to continue a party lifestyle? And she stormed out the house shouting that I was misogynistic and women have the right to their own bodies. Let me be clear, I certainly would never stop anyone from making their decision about an abortion, I just can't seem to get over the idea of it, it repulses me. But I wouldn't judge a woman who got one. I understand the other viewpoint but I can't agree with it myself, and in all other respects I would say i was very liberal about womans rights. When I mentioned it to other friend she said it was my views but they were quite outdated and misogynistic. Are they? I need advice, should I apologize to friend A?

OP posts:

hopkinette · 19/05/2013 23:10

Is that genuinely a new concept to you?

Blistory · 19/05/2013 23:11

Weird ? How so ?

I would have thought it a fundamental point in human rights .

mathanxiety · 19/05/2013 23:11

SGB also understands and accepts all the ramifications of the pro choice stance.

sunshine401 · 19/05/2013 23:12

No. However this thread is about pregnancy. You make it sound very dirty and wrong.

CoalDustWoman · 19/05/2013 23:12

sunshine, how do you decide that a woman has been raped? Do you wait for a court case? Even if a trial could be had in the time being a woman finding out she is pregnant and your 24 week cut off, do you want a woman to go through all a trial entails AND a later abortion than she would have decided otherwise? That doesn't seem very nice of you.

Although, I agree with SGB on this one. The except in cases of raper-ers only say that to make themselves seem a smidgen less heartless. Except it doesn't work.

hopkinette · 19/05/2013 23:14

However this thread is about pregnancy. You make it sound very dirty and wrong.

Forced pregnancy is wrong, in exactly the same way as forced sex is wrong. "Dirty" is a strange thing to be seeing here though.

CoalDustWoman · 19/05/2013 23:15

I do too, math. I'm not comfortable with it, but not in any way close to how uncomfortable I am with the alternative. I trust women, you see. I don't think any take this lightly, even if they don't walk away from a procedure wracked with guilt and remorse. That some may seem flippant is only a reflection of what they chose to share with others.

sunshine401 · 19/05/2013 23:18

Excluded the result of an sexual assault. By having sex you are exposing yourself and therefore your body to risk of pregnancy.
It is off the point anyway. I truly believe it is every women's right to chose about going through with it, but I don't see why they would leave it so long.

CoalDustWoman · 19/05/2013 23:20

They don't, in the way that you are thinking.

Why do you think otherwise?

Blistory · 19/05/2013 23:23

Sunshine, I almost envy you your naivety. Life isn't that simple.

Do you have any idea how horrible is it to be pregnant when you don't want to be ? When your doctor won't refer you ? When your partner suddenly leaves you ? When you find that there are medical issues incompatible with life ? When you're 14 and scared ?

It doesn't all neatly happen within 8 weeks.

sunshine401 · 19/05/2013 23:23

Most people know about it before 24 weeks. Yes there are some exceptions.
Morning after pills are given/offered to rape victims and I know again some people do not always report rape.
There are always exceptions. A women who has been raped has the same rights to an abortion as everyone else. I don't see your point. I understand why there is a cut off point. That was all I was saying.

Blistory · 19/05/2013 23:26

Well, those exceptions need addressed to. They are entitled to the same control over their bodies as everyone else. That is why there is no logical cut off point. None whatsoever.

sashh · 20/05/2013 05:26

I think people need to be educated about what an abortion actually entails. How physically and emotionally painful it can be. It should be seen as a last resort rather than an easy alternative. I'm of course not speaking of the women who have been raped, I'm speaking of consenual sex.

Don't you think it is equally hard / emotional / painful for a rape victim?

sashh · 20/05/2013 05:35

Don't you think it is equally hard / emotional / painful for a rape victim?

seeker · 20/05/2013 07:06

"* I think people need to be educated about what an abortion actually entails. How physically and emotionally painful it can be. It should be seen as a last resort rather than an easy alternative."

Where is your evidence that people don't know this?

ButchCassidy · 20/05/2013 07:37

OP YABVVVVVU

Repulse??

Im a feminist and 100% pro choice.
My body my choice and no one will dictate or make me feel shit about the decisions I make for it.

ButchCassidy · 20/05/2013 07:45

And Ive reported the thread as OP is claiming to be 15 on another thread she started so wouldnt be 2 months into a job.. Unless im cynical

itsonlysubterfuge · 20/05/2013 08:13

My point was that exactly, that it isn't an easy alternative. I never said rape victims shouldn't use it if you actually read my post it says I'm talking about consensual sex only.

My evidence people don't know this is real life? I don't have links and trials to back it up, just experience with teenage girls, which I also stated I had heard loads of girls say that you could just get an abortion if you don't use a condom and get pregnant.

VisualiseAHorse · 20/05/2013 08:17

By having sex you are exposing yourself and therefore your body to risk of pregnancy.

What about in cases of contraception failure? What about in cases where the woman doesn't find out she is pregnant until it's almost the legal deadline?

AND, you are still stating that pregnancy is a punishment for having sex. Funny, seeing as the blokes won't get punished...

Who decides at what point the bunch of cells becomes a baby? What happens if you go in for an abortion, and they say 'sorry love, can't do it, it's a baby now'?

VisualiseAHorse · 20/05/2013 08:18

You may have heard teenage girls say that 'you could just get an abortion', but I wonder how often this happens (or how often it happens repeatedly?).

FrameyMcFrame · 20/05/2013 08:31

BlessedDespair, Sorry I misunderstood your post Speed reading through the whole thread badly.

SGB, exactly right about the woman hating.

seeker · 20/05/2013 08:37

You may have heard loads of girls say that. I hear teenagers say lots of extreme, shocking, show offy things. Whistling in the dark for the most part.

FrameyMcFrame · 20/05/2013 09:11

MaterFacit's link is very sad reading. I feel incredibly sorry for all of those women and I think BPAS is doing a great job.

itsonlysubterfuge · 20/05/2013 09:53

Where I'm from we have one of the highest rate of teenage mothers and they do not teach about abortion so my views may be skewed. I have personal experience with family members who have had abortions as teenager/young girl because they were/are irresponsible and didn't bother with birth control and would rather party ever night instead of have a child. I still believe that you should educate people, I don't understand what the problem with learning is? Knowledge is power, telling people that abortions hurt and aren't easy isn't a bad thing. Why should you leave people in the dark about anything? In order to make an informed choice, you should know all the facts.

Why is abortion an acceptable means of contraception? It should be seen as a last resort, not any easy way to fix a mistake. Yes, of course it's the woman's choice to have an abortion, that however does not stop me from feeling like she's taken an innocent life. My feelings to another woman should be irrelevant though.

hopkinette · 20/05/2013 09:54

I think people need to be educated about what an abortion actually entails. How physically and emotionally painful it can be

Yes, because unwanted pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood are a walk in the park.

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