Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make dh take tomorrow off work as I need a day off

68 replies

ariane5 · 16/05/2013 17:45

I am just exhausted and need a day in bed.

Dh won't want to take the day off he will be annoyed and say he is too busy but if I don't get a rest he is going to end up being off for a lot longer as I am absolutely shattered.

AIBU to make him take tomorrow off?

OP posts:
ParsingFancy · 16/05/2013 17:47

Knowing a bit of your back story, something in your household is going to have to give.Sad

You're coping with way too much, and looking after too many other people's illnesses and grasping or manipulative behaviour.

Does DH actually understand the impact it has on you?

MammaTJ · 16/05/2013 17:48

I don't know, not enough detail.

If your DC are school age, or he gets the weekend off to give you a break then YABU. If you have a baby and a tot and he is working all weekend, then maybe YANBU!!

More info please OP!!

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 16/05/2013 17:48

YANBUif you really need it, and it's possible for him to do that at short notice.

MammaTJ · 16/05/2013 17:49

See Parsing has info and can make a judgement.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 16/05/2013 17:50

I think it's irrelevant how old the OPs children are - if someone is close to exhaustion then they need a break.

TidyDancer · 16/05/2013 17:52

When is he next due a day off?

You can't make someone do anything really, you need to have a frank discussion if you feel you aren't coping,

Sympathy though. Tis shit to feel so tired. :(

Original poster
ariane5 · 16/05/2013 17:52

Sorry, 4 dcs all disabled (11,6,3 and 1). Dd1 has chest inf so after sats I'm morn would be home as will 2 little ones.

Dh and I both have health issues and I am absolutely exhausted. Dh works long hours and I just cannot cope with dcs all on my own, I have a horrible sore throat and cold today and just feel rubbish also have other worrying health things going on at present and am worried out of my mind.

I just want to sleep

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 16/05/2013 17:56

I don't think his work would be v impressed tbh, whatever the circumstances. Can you have a DVD and duvet day and just let everything slide a bit? Hope you feel better soon and do try to get an early night tonight.

ParsingFancy · 16/05/2013 17:57

I know time off work isn't to taken lightly, but if you don't rest you are going to be more seriously ill.

Then DH won't be able to work at all for a while.

Can you put it to him that a stitch in time saves nine? A day off now rather than more time off later?

kotinka · 16/05/2013 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ariane5 · 16/05/2013 18:00

I have just got to the point where I could quite happily sleep on the pavement I'm so tired I could just drop Sad have no energy left at all.

I just want 1 day where I can rest a bit. Dh works for his brother but even so I don't think he would want him taking a day off.

I'm just knackered.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/05/2013 18:03

ariane
If he can't take time off during the week then he has to give you a day on the weekend to catch up. Can you cope tomorrow and then spend Sat in bed.

Has your DH agreed to apply for DLA yet?

Original poster
ariane5 · 16/05/2013 18:04

I can't ask really, I want to but he is off for a morning next week as I have an appt and dcs have hosp the following week (dd has pre op appt then an op on 13 june so he will be off for few days) and I have a consultant appt on 23rd and its all just got too much.

The days off he gets are for hosp appts etc so are hectic but I want a day where I can actually rest.

OP posts:
ParsingFancy · 16/05/2013 18:07

Can he at least do reasonable or even short hours tomorrow, so you don't have too long coping on your own?

One of these days you're going to fall asleep without being able to help it, and the DCs' blood sugar will go unmonitored.

Sorry to be so doom and gloom.

Original poster
ariane5 · 16/05/2013 18:07

He hasn't but I've requested a dla pack for him as quite honestly I'm virtually finished. Applied for direct payments too but have been told it takes ages to process.

I have appt to see gp about a carers assessment too. I am trying to deal with so so much and now my health is suffering, had bad news yest and have been referred for scans appts etc in the next 2 weeks as had worrying smear results and symptoms (I'd put off my smear for 5yrs as was too busy with everything Sad) and I just can't do this anymore.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 16/05/2013 18:08

If work is so busy, he may not be able to.

MysteriousHamster · 16/05/2013 18:09

It sounds like you're at breaking point :(. You need him, or SOMEONE to find a way to give you a chance to rest.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/05/2013 18:09

I would tell him that you are spending Saturday in bed. Don't ask him, just inform him. You really need a break.

ParsingFancy · 16/05/2013 18:10

You're waiting for him to "agree" to apply for DLA? For himself or the DC?

Just apply!

From everything you've said, waiting for DH to get real about family finances is pointless. His head is comfortably in the sand, and he'd rather the children go hungry than engage with reality.

Original poster
ariane5 · 16/05/2013 18:10

Weekends are always horribly busy just catching up on things and dh sometimes has to work.

He has just phoned as can't get home as he has a migraine and can't see to drive Sad poor thing is just as knackered as me I think.
I'm going to have a coffee, bath dd2 and try and find some strength from somewhere as I know when he gets home he will be in a state and will have to sleep.

OP posts:
ParsingFancy · 16/05/2013 18:11

Oh god, just saw what you said about smear on top of everything else.

Holding your hand while you wait for that, and fingers crossed good scan results.

Original poster
ariane5 · 16/05/2013 18:11

For himself-dcs get dla already. Dh hate that he is unwell and rarely admits how bad he is.

OP posts:
AliBingo · 16/05/2013 18:12

YANBU. But if your DH is anything like mine, you will have a battle on your hands to get him to take the day off - I sympathise!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/05/2013 18:15

OK
What can you do make life as bearable as possible

  • Pizza and/or takeaways for dinner
  • Don't do any job that isn't absolutely essential e.g. if you usually strip the beds on the weekend, don't: a couple more days won't matter
  • As soon as the children are in bed go to bed yourself.
  • Use CBeebies as your babysitter tomorrow if you have to, one day won't hurt and sit on the sofa with them watching it.

Tell DH that you must have time over the weekend to rest.

Sorry to hear about the worrying news.

MammaTJ · 16/05/2013 18:16

Cakecrumbsinmybra not really irrelevant how old the DC are. If it were me, with a 6 and 7 year old typing the OP, then giving further details, I would expect to be told to take them to school, then come home for a rest before collecting them again.

ariane5, you really do have a lot on your plate but it doesn't sound as though your DH is much better placed than you unfortunately. Try to get him to stay home tomorrow, YANBU.

In the future, have you considered some help from a Homestart volunteer?
Also, maybe offer yourself to the local college as a possible placement for their child care students. The HS volunteers can be left while you rest but the student can't but at least that is some form of support. They can do nappies while you supervise form the sofa.

Swipe left for the next trending thread