Tina Mallone Pregnant at 50

[Lickitysplit]

AIBU to think it is crazy that Tina Malolne (from Shameless) is pregnant at 50 by donor egg?

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

I was definitely backing up Kitchen for her personal choices, however I wasn't directing my comment to anyone in particular.

I feel that this issue is far too personal an issue for people to say it's wrong. Who are any of us to decide what is best for anyone else?

If your parents hadn't decided they wanted you, you'd never have been and neither would your DC.

I understand it must be hard in your position, but you're here and so are your DC.

Life is hard no matter who we are Arthur. It's just hard, it's life.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

• posted too soon also

It's hard but we all need to live it to the best of our abilities.

p.s it's Feegle, not Freegle

[ArthurCucumber]

Of course life is hard no matter who we are. But this is an aspect of life on which I can comment from a side of the conversation that doesn't often get an airing. This is a parents' forum, so naturally most of what we discuss is from a parent's point of view. In this case I can see both sides - a parent, but also the grown-up child 30, 40 years down the line. To be honest, I was offended by the aggression.

I'm definitely glad I'm alive, and that my dcs are alive. But I still think my parents made the wrong decision. Those two things stand together, they don't have to cancel each other out.

[ArthurCucumber]

Feegle - got it now!

[ArthurCucumber]

Like Nac Mac Feegle.

[RubyGates]

In the past, many children grew up without their mothers because they'd died in childbirth. We live longer, and a child born to a 50 year old these days is more likely to still have a mother when they are an adult than a child born to a 25 or 30 year old 100 years ago.

People had children young because there was every possibility that they'd die at 40, especially at the lower ends of society. It's a non-issue isn't it? Especially as we can no longer afford to have children in the first flush of youth.

I believe it's something we 're going to get used to seeing more and more.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

Yes, Nac Mac Feegle

I apologise if I offended you, however, my opinion, like yours is valid. I'm just a Scottish sweary bastard and I disagree that both being happy to be here yet wishing your DP's had never had you sit comfortably together, I think that's a very somber statement.

[jellybeans]

Good luck to her I say.

[ArthurCucumber]

It was more the "Fuck Off all ye who disagree" from the other poster. I think my opinion is valid, but people are going to be on the defensive for such personal decisions. Trouble is, there's no non-personal way to say something like that.

It's hard to explain what I mean about the "wrong decision" comment. I'm here now, and living my life to the best of my abilities . I'm not unhappy to be alive, but my parents made the wrong choice, and it was (long story) for the wrong reasons. It stands together in my own mind, but possibly not in my attempts at explanation!

[KitchenandJumble]

Thanks again, Feegle. Very much appreciate your words of support. :)

[SomethingsUp]

I was disabled by the time I had my children, does that mean I am lesser somehow? So she'll be older? So what? You can take measures to ensure it doesn't impact negatively on your parenting.

[ArthurCucumber]

My mum was 42, everlong, but my Dad was 50 - in the early years it was my Dad's age that was the biggest issue, but the one followed on from the other - Dad is dead now and my Mum is in her mid-80s.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

Kitchen, I really, really hope it works out for you. Why shouldn't we all attempt to fulfil our dreams and enrichen our lives?

Arthur, I'm sure it all makes perfect sense to you, however 42 is actually very young and I'm picking up subtle 'other' reasons for your stance. Ill health and being a parent's carer is not the same as saying someone in their 40's/ 50's shouldn't consider having children.

[ArthurCucumber]

Thanks, everlong. I was just trying to put a different slant on things. Obviously people make their own personal decisions and none of us can see that far down the line. There are ill 50 year olds and healthy 75 year olds. But it's the likelihood that is hugely different.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

ever - caring for Ill parents is something I'll personally never experience as my mother passed as a very young woman, however, I'm guessing most children would be expected and very much willing to care for their parents, regardless of age.

[ArthurCucumber]

Yes, Feegle, 42 isn't old. It was my father's age that I was referring to, in my children's early years. That's why I didn't accept the notion that it's all about trying to limit women's choices.

What are the subtle other reasons?

[ArthurCucumber]

I was both expected and willing to care for my parents. But I'd have made a much better job of it if I'd not been trying to do it at the same time as bringing up my children. That's what I meant earlier, by "failing everybody". Things like when my dd1's long-awaited appointment for her scoliosis was on the same day as I'm taking my mother for an internal examination, that I have to escort her for as she's confused and can't hear well. I had to choose which one to postpone. That situation crops up all the time. I won't even get started on trying to work at the same time.

[Birdsgottafly]

In my LA we have Foster Carers for children under 10, aged between 45 and 78, the 78 year olds have recently looked after a new born, until 8 months of age.
I have realised that i had to make a serious decision to look after my health, now i am hitting 45, i am healthier than i was 10 years ago, i also have more energy as a consequence of completely changing my diet. energy and coping levels are individual.
If everyone, regardless of age, thought about the issues highlighted on this thread, then the population would halve and tbf, most of the developing world should't be reproducing.
She is probably better equiped now to have a child than when she had her first and much better placed than many people i know, of all ages, in RL and on these boards.