AIBU to want to tell them that it doesn't sit right with me?

[dilanddan]

O.h and I are 22 and have a 10m/o l.g. We are friends with a couple who are 19 and who have recently decided to start trying for a baby.

Personally I think they're a lovely couple who are going about things in a good manner like me and my o.h did. e.g looking for and renting a nice place, both have good jobs and have been saving for a while and both seem like they would make lovely parents. (I have no judgement as to their age as obviously me and my o.h had our l.g young)

But what "gets" me is the fact that they are not planning on telling their parents they are trying for a baby and when they fall pg they're going to say it was an accident. This upsets me as that baby is always going to be thought of as an accident and a mistake by the wider family, despite the fact it is a planned pg.

WIBU to tell them not to such a thing about their future baby? Or should I just let them get on with it and stop poking my nose in ?

Honestly, it's not really anything to do with you, unless you are part of the family.

well they are 19, not 14, so its up to them really.

even if they do want their families to think it was unplanned, I cant see that once the baby arrives, it"ll make much difference to anyone.

They probably don't want to ell the parents they are planning a baby as they know they will try and talk them out of it.

I'm 29 & I was an accident, I'm gobsmacked to think that people actually care! Dd1 was unplanned too, doesn't matter one bit.

My sisters in law (husbands sisters) both did this with both their first children.

The first one was barely 20 and had just finished her nurse training. They confided to my husband that they had actually planned it, and of course he never told, but he told me. This I find more understandable because it was 20 years ago and her parents (my inlaws) had bent over backwards to support her through this course and then she decided to have kids instead, her choice, but I can see why she didn't feel she could say "oh, by the way"...etc.

However, other SIL who was 26 and in a good job with a partner though unmarried (irrelevant as far as I am concerned) said the same with her partner. Annoyingly, they had been trying for 6 months, yet said it was an accident. Then, they forgot who they confided to and who they didn't, and when me and husband were trying to conceive, forgot that they'd told us, and did the whole "we got pregnant by accident it was so easy" thing which really riled us - her partner had even had a sperm mobility test! So you never quite know who really has conceived on the first try people! (though I like to give people the benefit of the doubt)

FIL says "contraception doesn't really work in our family" because his own wife had a few pregnancies (sadly some didn't work out) that he didn't quite know about!

They sound like a bunch of chancers but really they are not! They just love babies and children and plot and scheme to get them no matter what. Sadly my husband is the same and wants a 3rd, and I'm not sure, so am keeping him/the brandy bottle at arms length at the mo till I decide. Lol.

Sperm mobility? I may mean sperm motility? Arghrr.

The baby will not always be thought of as an accident at all!

My ds was officially an accident, it has made no difference to how much he is loved or how much he is thought of by anyone. If the circumstances surrounding his conception mattered enough to be thought of by anyone else then he would be thought of as a surprise, but it really couldn't be any more insignificant.