To wonder if I live in some kind of parallel universe

[MrsLyman]

Firstly, apologies this is sort of a thread about a thread, or rather a thread about many threads.

I'm a long time lurker occassionally poster and time and time again the same theme women reporting that in their RL they are being judged for their life choices, whether it's ELCS, homebirth, epidurals, BFing, FFing, going back to work, staying at home, using a childminder, using a nursery, private school, eating ready meals, cooking everything from scratch, giving your child fruitshoots and sugar cubes as a snack and so on and so on and so on.

I've never come across anyone in RL who seems to give a shit what I do with my life or with my children, or if they do they keep it to themselves. It's almost disappointing.

I think I must be oblivious to a lot of this stuff.
I don't generally feel judged, I don't notice things in other people that I ought to be judging.
Even though I'm fat, I've never noticed people shouting abuse at me in the street which seems to be a common experience for a lot of fat people. I think maybe my head is in the clouds somewhere.

What are wolf fleeces? They sound fun.

I agree with you OP. Not only have I not felt myself judged by random strangers/so-called friends/family members, I have never been shunned by a clique, or even noticed any cliques; I have perfectly reasonable neighbours who all seem to look after their children well; we have only ever had successful playdates; and I don't even have any in-laws.

That's why I come on MN. My life is so boring otherwise.

I do care about what anonymous people on the internet people say, I've had enormous help from some very very lovely people on mumsnet when I've asked for it and I've taken help and comfort many times when reading other people's experiences when I've had problems but not posted. I just don't ever seem to come across people in real life who seem to pass judgement on the standard life choices we all have to make.

I didn't go to ante-natal group coffee mornings because I didn't have an ante-natal group.

friendlyladybird these are wolf fleeces www.amazon.co.uk/WOLVES-FLEECE-FLEECED-THERMAL-EXCLUSIVE/dp/B00A3Y2YH0

Yes, I think it is a parallel universe, that of cyberspace.

I think that areas that have very judgy people in them, also are going to have "cliques", cliques need someone to look down on, to make them exclusive. I grew up in the area that I live in, it has always been a gossipy area, probably passed down from Mother to Daughter. There is lots of drama on the buses that I travel on, I now create some of it, since my Mum has become a wheelchair user. I have arguments in the street with arse hole drivers. I am glad that my youngest is now 15 and the school gate well behind me. When I look after my step Grandson with my 17 year old DD (the baby isn't hers), I could get into constant fights because she gets looked at like she is dirt, by other women thinking she is a teen Mum. You are just lucky in whose around you.

I think that areas that have very judgy people in them, also are going to have "cliques", cliques need someone to look down on, to make them exclusive. I grew up in the area that I live in, it has always been a gossipy area, probably passed down from Mother to Daughter. There is lots of drama on the buses that I travel on, I now create some of it, since my Mum has become a wheelchair user. I have arguments in the street with arse hole drivers. I am glad that my youngest is now 15 and the school gate well behind me. When I look after my step Grandson with my 17 year old DD (the baby isn't hers), I could get into constant fights because she gets looked at like she is dirt, by other women thinking she is a teen Mum. You are just lucky in whose around you.

I get judgey comments quite a bit, which is odd, because I am sure my face makes it clear that they will not be well received.

For example, while babywearing - "that doesn't look safe, what happens if you fall over?", while toddler wearing "do her legs not work? You'll make her lazy", while breastfeeding " oh god, do you have to do that here", while changing a cloth nappy " that's disgusting, and they don't work anyway, they just leak everywhere" and at a party at the weekend (while three year old was having a strop because one of the other children tried to play with her brand new tea set which she had only just been given) " do you think she's autistic? she seems autistic."

I just don't understand it. People who know me are generally too afraid to say anything which might even be obliquely interpreted as a criticism, but random strangers are all up in my face. It's a miracle I haven't shoved anyone under a bus.

OP, I totally agree with you.

I read some threads and feel they're so disconnected from reality as I know it, that mostly I tend to think they're not true

HAHA MrsLyman you will taken to A and E with alcohol intoxication in about 10 minutes if you play the drinking game on that thread

I always took the dontlookthemintheyes( said in catherine tate poshmum voice) approach when we were out and DC had tantrums,poohed down their legs, wore a tshirt and tutu (DS),so that I didnt see the tuts. Head down and keep smiling(grimacing) .
It worked for me !