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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to this leaving do.

21 replies

winecentral · 14/05/2013 20:32

I would have liked to go, i was excited to go. Then i found out its mostly going to be 20 year olds going, who are a size 6. Im 35 and a size 16. Then it was just going to be a pub, but now its also clubbing. I have nothing to wear, and since ive got fat again, feel crap about myself. I cant find anything thats suitable for me to wear that hides my blimp shape but also makes me look good.
I dont have much/ any disposable income and it will end up costing round about £50 for the night, not including the clothes problem i have.... money which i could put towards half term which i have off with DD.

But then i think, i do sort of want to go, i should go, im a long term single, i need to get out there.... Im not going to meet anyone sitting on my sofa.

But then again, chances of meeting someone in a gay bar ( where we are spending half the night) and then club for 18 years olds, arent high.

So, AIBU to just make up an excuse, or should i man up and go?

OP posts:

fritteringtwit · 14/05/2013 20:36

Will there not be a bit of pub first then you can cry off/blame babysitter or whatever when everyone moves on to the club. Most people are likely to be too pissed by then to notice if you slope off ...

Pancakeflipper · 14/05/2013 20:38

Fritteringtwit has it right - go for a few drinks with them. You can bugger off or if it gets good - you can stay.

Original poster

winecentral · 14/05/2013 20:44

im still going to have taxis each way if i do the pub first, and again, its not a pub, its a gay bar and everyone will be really dressed up and pissed already, because they are 20 and are all necking bottles of lambrini before they go out.

OP posts:

BunnyLebowski · 14/05/2013 20:46

You sound like you genuinely don't want to go so I'd trust your gut.

I have no doubt you'd look fabulous but it all sounds a bit of a nightmare.

But then I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than go clubbing with lambrini drinking 20 year olds.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 14/05/2013 20:46

I wouldn't go clubbing with a load of 20 year olds. Not because they would be younger and (probably) thinner, but because I wouldn't have fun. I wouldn't blame you for not going.

Ponyo73 · 14/05/2013 20:46

You go girl! .35, shucks your still a bairn! There will be 35 to 45 year old hunks somewhere out there. If not you just shake your booty and have fun. I bet there will be an admirer out there in the crowd.

DeskPlanner · 14/05/2013 20:48

Sounds awful. I wouldn't go. But you do need to get out and meet someone. Have you any other friends you could just go for a nice relaxed drink with ?

Original poster

winecentral · 14/05/2013 20:50

I didnt like clubbing when i was 18, its not what i like to do, pubs are fine, but clubs i just hate them.
And i wont have fun with 20 year olds, i will just feel old.

I went with some of the mid 20 year olds a month or so ago, and it was awful. Im also the only one with a child and i just felt a million miles away from everyone there. I didnt leave feeling good, it just made me feel crap.

if it was with people the same age ish, then it would be ok, but its not good to be the oldest one, by over 10 years.....

OP posts:

Original poster

winecentral · 14/05/2013 20:53

i dont really have anyone to go for a few drinks with, which is a bit of an issue. The only single people, and people who are up for going out, are those a lot younger than me. It doesnt work well for pulling.... because if im hanging around a load of early 20 year olds, who are all TINY, the only attention we get are from young lads, who i wouldnt date and who arent going to be interested in me.

Bit of a difficult situation. If i had unlimited funds, i would probably go, but i dont.

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 14/05/2013 20:54

Go! You might have a brilliant time! And like the others have said you can go home as early as you feel you need to.

And also as a self proclaimed "fag hag" gay clubs are the best place to make yourself feel good about yourself, they are the happiest, friendliest clubs!!! And gay men like us curvy women!!!

And who knows, you might meet a new gbf (gay best friend) who just happens to have a fit single brother!!

PurplePidjin · 14/05/2013 20:58

Save your money for something you'll actually enjoy - £50 for the night, plus £50(?) for an outfit is kit and a year's subscription to eg: a running club where you can get fit and meet men (dp runs, trust me on this - there are some lovely guys in his club!) with the advantage that you'll spend your time feeling good about hourself.

It's all very well saying Wahey, Go Girl but it doesn't sound like you'd actually enjoy getting trussed up in uncomfortable clothes, listen to loud music and shout bland pleasantries at people you have nothing in common with

emsyj · 14/05/2013 21:00

A while ago I went to meet a friend (also mid-30s like me, although single and childfree) for a nice quiet after-work dinner. We bumped into some secretaries from her work (young, thin, glamorous every one of them) in a bar afterwards and they said, 'ooooh come to X nightclub we're going now'.. As I'd had quite a lot of wine by then, I said 'ah go on then!' and off we went - and had a blast. I rolled home at 3am . Yes, even dancing with young, thin, glamorous people can be fun! And my friend pulled too...

So yes I think you should go, the more you go to stuff, the more stuff you get invited to and the more people you meet etc... And maybe think about how you can widen your social circle more generally if you're looking to meet a new partner.

LemonPeculiarJones · 14/05/2013 21:01

They're 20 year olds - but do you like them? Are they fun and nice to be around usually?

If so go along. You never know and if its a bit shit you can just go home and think, huh, well, I gave it a go.

Zoonose · 14/05/2013 21:09

I wouldn't go, but that's because I know I don't enjoy those sorts of nights out either (I'm a similar age to you but have never enjoyed 'clubbing'). I would save the money to do things you know you enjoy doing. I understand the sort of 'pressure' to 'go out and have fun' and I hate it!! It's not my sort of fun.

I am lucky enough to be married to someone I have known since I was 18, but from what I gather a very large number of single people now are meeting partners through online dating and it sounds eminently sensible to me - far less random than going out to a club! I know at least two people who are married to people they met through e-harmony or something like it, and another couple who aren't married but have a baby on the way. All met in their 30s.

I know that wasn't really the point of your post but it seemed relevant.

Original poster

winecentral · 14/05/2013 21:10

yes, but i did do that a month or so ago. It was awkward. I sobered up, didnt like the music, it was at a gay club too.... full of young gay men, which while lovely, i just felt like their mum. Ended up having a conversation with one about opening a late night cheese shop, when my younger friend came along he stopped talking to me and they started talking about uni.

The guy whos leaving do is nice, the others i dont get along with ( hardly see at work) and have literally nothing in common with them. Most of them see me as older i think, noone of them have children, we have literally no common ground. We dont even talk in the work canteen, i tried today... but nothing. Its not like im not outgoing, because i am, but tbh, when i was 20, i wouldnt relish a gossip with somone my age either.

OP posts:

Cakebaker35 · 14/05/2013 21:10

BunnyLebowski, just snorted tea out my nose I laughed so much at your comment about clapping, brilliant!

OP just go for a few drinks if you really want to but if you genuinely feel that rubbish about yourself then you're not likely to meet anyone who's a keeper. You are not old or huge, bet you would look fab, but dont feel pressured to go if you dont really want to. just be glad you aren't 20, drinking lambrini and waking up the next day feeling like death and wondering what happened to you knickers. If you want to meet a partner there are better ways than going to a gay bar with a bunch 20 year olds with sick in their hair

Lj8893 · 14/05/2013 21:10

Oh and also, I hate clubbing, hate it with a passion (and I'm 25)

But I love gay clubs, some of the best nights I have ever had have been in gay clubs.

Original poster

winecentral · 14/05/2013 21:21

i dont feel rubbish about myself in a normal setting, i will feel rubbish about myself in that setting, because its not me and i just know ill come away feeling crap.

OP posts:

fritteringtwit · 14/05/2013 21:23

Now Im in my early 40s and not far off a size 16 myself, i "like" the idea of clubbing, but when the day gets nearer I find that I just cant be arsed any more. Finding something that fits to wear, blow dry, nails, spray tan, taxis, 1/4 bottle of vodka to go in the handbag = too much hassle unless its a REALLY special occasion. Most of my Friday evenings now are spent horizontally in front of Monty Don

Original poster

winecentral · 14/05/2013 21:29

i dont even like the idea of clubbing, i loate it.
i always have done. Pubs are fine, clubs are hell on earth. which is why i now dont want to go i think, that coupled with the 20 year olds and then add in the fact i got fat again and have nothing to wear, and no money...
its just not worth it.

OP posts:

LemonPeculiarJones · 14/05/2013 21:30

Oh god don't go then.

Do something really nice for yourself that night instead. And think about who to rabble-rouse for a night out you will enjoy.

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