to be driven almost to the point of violence by self-serve machines in supermarkets?

[quesadilla]

They've been around long enough now that you'd think the manufacturers could have ironed out some of the teething problems. But they just seem to be so pedantic about stuff that really doesn't matter.
Why the frick does it matter if there's an unexpected item in the bagging area? Its not a security risk? Why can't I, once I've scanned the fecker, just put my newspaper and my croissant into my own bag without having to put it the sodding bagging area without the entire thing melting down? Why do I need authorization to buy a single can of lager when I'm old enough to be the grandmother of most of the employees in the shop?
These supermarkets bleat on about a) customer services and b) cutting operating costs. And yet these things make life infinitely more complicated and drive people like me to the point where I have to be restrained from taking a hammer to them.

[LittleMissGerardButlerfan]

I also hate the ones in work because they are near the doors and every time they open I get an arctic blast of air!

[kungfupannda]

Oh gaawd, they are a bloody nightmare. The one at my local Tesco Express is particularly bad. It's almost opposite DS2's nursery and just round the corner from DS1's pre-school, and school-to-be, so I'm permanently paranoid that one of the teachers or carers is going to overhear me having a ranty row with an inanimate object.

Machine: Please place item in the bagging area
KFP: It's in the bagging area
Machine: Please place item in the bagging area
KFP: It's in the sodding bagging area
Machine: Unexpected item in the bagging area. Please remove item from the bagging area.
KFP: Make your bloody mind up!
Machine: Remove item...
KFP: OKAY! It's removed.
Machine: [after contemplative pause] Item removed from bagging area. Please replace item in the bagging area.
KFP: SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP you utter arse of a machine!

And whoever said about the nectar card woman in Sainsbury's, I have to disagree - ours doesn't sound joyful, more irritatingly playful and coy about the possibility that you've forgotten to swipe your nectar card. You almost expect a little animatronic finger to come out and wag at you, chidingly.

I reached a new high in M&S today.

Machine: You have used two cards to pay. Only one card may be used to pay.
KFP: £$^%&£&"**!

Why, in the name of arse, would I be trying to pay with 2 cards?

AAAAAAARGH!

[exexpat]

The Ikea ones are usually OK, but I've never met a supermarket self-service till I've liked.

[domesticslattern]

They are the tills of Satan.
Tim Dowling did a good piece in the Grauniad a while back about the indignity of using them, including an immortal line about spending half an hour trying to scan his own sleeve. It's not so funny when it's in reality though- and they are rolling them out everywhere with no fucking choice ie. no tills at all with humans on- Waitrose, WH Smiths, I'm looking at you.

[Sidge]

We now have self serve in our LIBRARY

Part of me quite likes scanning my own books but part of me gets fucking ENRAGED when it won't work. I like my machinery like I like my life - simple!

[quesadilla]

KFP yes, thank you. Its the utter "computer says no" mentality of them and the ludicrousness that always ensues.

[BibiBlocksberg]

I've used them for so long now I could run courses in the darn things :)

'No, let go of the item, don't hold it for too long otherwise the machine will get confused'

'Umexpected item in bagging area' always gets an arsey 'well, that would be a customer, wouldn't it?' comment from me.

I quite like them now because I enjoy children watching whose parents allow them to put things through - like playing shop but in real life I should think?

And I always marvel at the speed even a toddler can scan shopping compared to me.

Lastly, they have helped a 'friend' out once or twice when in a very tight spot financially due to their excellent 'self scan discounts' ahem....

[SummerRainIsADistantMemory]

I love them when I'm child free.

With children in tow is a different matter altogether.

'don't touch that its a scales'
'no you can't scan anymore stuff'
'stop leaning on that it's a scales'
'no, don't take stuff out of the bag'
'[gritted teeth] stop touching the damn thing, it's a scales, you're making it go wrong'
'no you can't do the buttons for me it's too high, just let mommy do it quickly so we can leave [gibbers]'
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP TOUCHING THAT... IF YOU LEAN ON THE SCALES ONE MORE TIME YOU WON'T GET YOUR TREATS'
'I know your bored but we have to wait for the lady to come and fix it again and she appears to be hiding behind her desk trying not to make eye contact'

[Decoy]

I use them often, and take great delight in pressing all the buttons very fast so the imbecilic robot only gets out half a word instead of an entire finger-wagging sentence

[quesadilla]

Decoy :)
Maybe that's the way to go. We need to have a program of mass disobedience so all the bloody things go into meltdown across the country.
I feel an ITV mini-series coming on.

[starsandunicorns]

Our asda has new ones that are connected to a conveyer belt i only rarley use them if i have 4 or less items

At 6:30 am on sat morning i was happy to sit in a little q waiting for the lady to scan my weekly shop but got asked if i wanted to use the self service ones daid no thankyou got the its easy etc said i rather wait for the lady to scan my trolley load the women carried on yapping at me mived away when i said its quicker for the lady to scan and me pack than me scan then pack

[StuntGirl]

I frigging hate them, and they're always understaffed which means if when they have a problem you end up waiting ages for someone to come and fix it. Balls to 'em.

If someone tries to direct me towards one I always say "No thank you I'll wait". Even though they look at you like you're a loon.

[manticlimactic]

You have my deepest sympathy. Out of interest, though, presumably you and your colleagues feed back to the head office types the fact that your customers loathe and detest them and they make your work even harder.... what do they say to that?

Oh believe me quesadilla everyone who works near the self scan tills knows how crap they are and how much customers hate them. I have even resorted to putting complaints in to HO myself online and through the internal system . Ours have had new software put on. It's crap. It even tells you to take the last item out of the bag even when there's nothing there. Or even when you walk past the bloody things! Nothing gets done.

What does annoy me though is people not wanting to queue so come to the self scan and then want us to put it through for them. We can't so that because we have 8 other annoying machines to watch and get grief for it.

[Lazyjaney]

I wonder what the level of not paying is, that would probably be the death knell if it had a rise, supermarket margins are very thin.

Re mass obedience, if no one used them that would also have the same effect.

[Talkinpeace]

I like WAitrose self check.
Its wonderful

[MrsMook]

I'm so glad I'm not the only person that rants at the wretched machines. ASDA is the worst, mainly because the whole experience of going to ASDA has made me ranty by the time I get to that point. The machines screech in my face- I screech back in theirs. Unfortunately the alternative is to queue up for half an hour at one of the 3 tills that is open that is 5 trollies deep in a queue.

I'll swear my local ASDA was built on some particularly negative leylines.

[PatPig]

All self check outs are evil. All of them.

[quesadilla]

manticlimactic you see this is what really gets my goat about these bloody things. Supermarkets (and most consumer-facing businesses) bleat on about 'listening to customers' and 'customers first' as nauseam. But look at this thread: there's over 100 posts here and four or five, tops, are remotely positive about them.
I'm not a Luddite: I can deal with technology if it improves my life. Mobile phones/online banking/ATMs all fine. Everyone hates these things but the supermarkets just stick their fingers in their ears when anyone raises this.
Will you do us a favour and show this thread to your supervisors?

[Monty27]

OMG at people who have their dc's doing it.

They are supposed to be for speed.

[PatPig]

No they are supposed to be for sacking staff and generally fucking me off.

[angeltulips]

The waitrose ones are DREADFUL. Mostly because they don't recognise that, if you have more than 2 bags of shopping, you'll need to move one from off the sodding "bagging area" in order to pack a third. Plus for some reason they put aforementioned "bagging areas" round the side of the scanner (along with the card machine) so that you either do your back in attempting to keep up with the requests to put things in the bagging area or the machine wails.

I like the principle of self service, but the execution is horrific.

LRD - on the heathrow thing, I was amused to notice the other day that when you go through the e-gate immigration the diagram showing you how to insert the passport into the e-reader is wrong - they've flipped the image. So it's not just you, even the developers of these instructions can't get it right!

[notsoyoniface]

I love them, much quicker. If you don't want to use them then queue. It's just a case of scan, put in bag (in bagging area), wait a second for previous item to register, scan next item. Maybe there is a knack to them.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

angel - ohhh, that suddenly makes sense! Maybe they had flipped it ... certainly I was confused.

That is quite funny, now.

notso - yes, you're totally right apart from being totally wrong and having failed to read the thread. Nice one.

[notsoyoniface]

LRD how have I failed to read the thread? I have stated my opinion on a AIBU thread. I disagree. Is that not allowed now. I am dyslexic, dispraxic, and and am uncomfortable making small talk with stragers. Do I need to give my life story before posting a reply?

[notsoyoniface]

strangers