Ex partner, baby, pubs

[fossa79]

I'm trying not to think about this, but I just don't think it's fair on my DS. He is six months and I have heard that rather then take him to his home or to his grandparents (as I have been told is happening) my ex is taking him to the pub on the one day he has him. Putting out calls on Facebook to come and go drinking with them.
I know I can't say how he to spend his time with his son but this is bugging me. There are loads of other things they could do, and I am being lied to about what's going on.
I can't confront him on this as he is a compulsive liar (the reason we split when I was pregnant) and he can get aggressive when defensive, so I'm at a loss as to what to do from here.
Advice greatly appreciated x

Wondering, yes that's my point really, it's not the pub that's the issue it's how you and the others who are with your child behave that counts.

Sounds like OP might not trust ex to behave well anywhere but he's being particularly blatant and perhaps surrounding himself with the wrong people.

There'd be a few other customers when we were there but in a dfferent area. No-one who's come on for a quiet drink or early lunch is going to sit next to a gaggle of babies!

As I said though, I see nothing wrong with having taken tiny dd, in a sling, to a pub for dinner in the evening, with everyone drinking, including my companions - but there's a drink with a meal, leaving quietly to put dd to bed and there's drinking to distraction, focusing more on your friends than your child.

wondering there are pubs your avoid and pubs where you are welcome with children.

Believe me there are no 'drunkards or drunk old men' in the family friendly pub we go to. Theres a pub for them just down the road, they wouldnt want to be in a pub fuklmof families.

I have always taken DS into pubs, partly because I'm a Morris dancer and we tour pubs. It's done him no harm. However, is the dad an alcoholic, or otherwise neglectful? If so, he could be those things anywhere, unfortunately.

I loved visiting the pub when I was a child, it was like a treat! I loved the social aspect of it, and all the attention I got haha!

And dp grew up in pubs, he turned out alright!

There's nothing intrinsically wrong with taking a baby into a pub unless you are drinking a lot... But you have also got to wonder why the pub is the first thing that springs to mind for someone looking after a tiny child. It partly depends on his age and the age of his friendship base too I guess... When I was in my 20s and early 30s I spent a lot of time in pubs because that was where you went to bump into people. Had I had a child then I probably would have taken him/her there. Now, not so much...

brings own issues on to thread I grew up in pubs too, and utterly hated it. I resented being stuck indoors with a load of boozy adults when all my friends were out at the park, or wherever.

OP, I understand your frustration. I hope he learns to stop this before your son gets much older. Whether your son is bothered or not, this behaviour is a sign that your ex puts his needs way above that of the child, which is pretty crappy.

I think it depends on the context. There's a big difference between meeting up for a meal in a nice gastro pub or a quick pint in a nice country pub's beer garden and meeting in some drinking hole with your mates getting pissed up.

It's interesting that you're not saying he can't have him but just you would rather he left ds with his parents so I don't think you're in anyway being unreasonable.

Do you get on with his parents and if so can you suggest this to them?

It's a shame that he has to go to the pub on his access day but you can't really do anything to change that!

Anyway OP, what can you do.

Is there anyone in his group of friends you trust, who could tell you how things are at the pub?

Can you call the grandparents, call his bluff and see if they can help persuade him to visit them, if they'd like to see DS?

Basically involve as many helpful people as you can, who all know when he has DS and can ask him to visit, where he his, whether they can come and see him or meet up and phone him in the course of the day to see if he's free to drop by for a cup of tea etc.

Also, depending on where you live, sometimes the Village Pub is the only place to take DC and meet your mates, other than one tiny Tea Shoppe (was thinking this after being in a very poncy suburb this afternoon. One nice big gastropub, otherwise poncy cafes and restaurants. Restaurants are too expensive to go to with DC/mates for a casual catchup).