... to ask whether you would find four adult siblings, all childless, unusual?

[Peevish]

Would you find it worthy of remark to come across a family of four siblings, aged between 33 and 40, who are all childless by choice?

This is a moot point now, as I have a one year old these days, born just before I turned 40, but I had several people remark on our collective childlessness as strange before I had him. Not that individuals choose not to have children, but that an entire sibling group would choose not to, despite being financially stable, fertile, in relationships etc. It had never occurred to me as odd, but various remarks from people who did not know my siblings, and so were thinking about the situation in the abstract, got me thinking about whether there was something about our growing up that turned us all off the idea of being parents.

Anyway, my question is whether you would (a) find it unusual enough to remark on it and (b) assume there was a common cause, conscious or unconscious, for the decision? Also, those of you who don't have children (I know there are some on here), do your siblings have children?

I wouldn't notice. I'd honestly find it more odd that someone else had noticed. My DH is studying medicine, and he says that "elderly primagravida" are almost the norm in the maternity ward he has been in.

And in the past, it wasn't that unusual - weren't the Brontes all childless? But plenty of other examples.

No, I wouldn't find it unusual. My mate is one of three children and none of them has biological children and have been sterilised. One of her two brothers has two SC and he's happy with that. My mate has never been married, either, or lived with anyone, and doesn't care to. Ever.

My DM is the youngest of a few and is the only one with kids.

It is remarked upon by some.

I would never comment even if I noticed. I think it depends on their ages. If they were all aged 50+ and childless then I might think there could be a reason, perhaps one that affected them all. But as they are 33-40 I'd assume that some of them might have children in the future.

If someone says they don't want to or don't plan to have children, I wouldn't ask any questions but I'd think there might be other reasons that they don't choose to share. It's none of my business.

I would think it unusual but I would never comment to them about it.

Not really, I've come across it in my family tree, 6 siblings, all married and none of them had any offspring. No idea why, no genetic defects.

I worked with a bloke who was No2 of 4, two brothers, two sisters, he died in a tragic accident in his late 30's, and his sister has finally got married in her 50's. TBH the vibe I got from all four of them was that they were all completely asexual. I don't know if it was their upbringing, very very monied people, privately educated abroad at boarding school from a young age. Maybe that had something to do with it.

Neither me nor my siblings have any children. I have not asked my siblings why they don't; I just never felt the urge to have any, so didn't.

Like QueenStromba we had a pretty crap time as kids, though - our parents did that "stay together for the sake of the children" thing, which I have no doubt was well intended, but it didn't make for a happy home life.

I have children, but my two siblings don't, by choice and for different reasons, and both have been in very long term relationships and are financially stable. So I wouldn't think anything really. In fact, thinking about it, it's more my norm so when I know sibling sets who all have multiple children I find that a little odd!

I would think it was slightly unusual but would not consider saying it to any of the siblings in question! How very rude.

I don't think the ages (starting at 33) make that particularly exceptional. Also, brothers or sisters? Men in that age group have plenty of time.

My sister and cousins (all girls) and I were a pretty unproductive lot - aged between 35 and 41 only 2 of the 8 had any children, whereas our parents all had children before the age of 25. But then we had a late flurry (including one first child born to a 43-year-old). There are still 3 who are childless though and will remain so, all for very different reasons.

So no I might notice but not enough to be bothered to remark on it, and I would not assume there was a common reason.

I wouldn't say a thing, but would privately assume that there was something in your upbringing which had put you all off having children.

^^
This

It's not at all unusual these days. I would assume that they were unable to have kids, couldn't afford them or simply didn't want to have them. I wouldn't find it worth commenting on.

OP, I reckon education has something to do with... (not in the same way as Lucy Worsely's being educated out of childrearing comment) - I'm finishing my doctorate aged 27, have yet to have a career, want to compete my horses to a decent level, need to earn money... I can't imagine having kids before I am 36/37, or I could even be like my mother, who had just one child at 42. Or maybe none at all. So I get where you/your siblings are coming from.

33-40 is too young to assume that they'll stay childless forever! Nor can you tell, nor is anyone's business, whether or not it's completely by choice. It would be very presumptive and rude to comment.

DH is one of 4, and at the time when they were aged 32-37 none of them had any children. By the time they were 37-42, 3 of them had 2 each and the other had 1.

All are academics, and having kids in the 30s is common for this group.

Their parents were acrimoniously divorced, which did delay most of them marrying.

If your siblings and friends do not yet have children, you are less likely to realize exactly what you're missing.

Don't forget that each sib has a partner, who is also involved in the situation.

DH's youngest sib was the first to have kids, yet the least interested in spending time with them once they arrived.

We were the last, at 42, but for rather complex reasons. MIL assumed we didn't want kids, but that wasn't it at all -- but we weren't interested in telling everyone the gory details of my terror at having my 1st friend to have a baby (aged 24) almost dying of a haemmhorhage, my fear of passing on my brother's mental illness, me losing my job and our then main source of income aged 32, my breast lump scare, my miscarriage, and my ruptured ovarian cyst.

Of course that should read MIL assumed I didn't want kids?

only one of my five children has children (1). Due mainly to circumstances. The one with a child always said he wouldn't bring a child into the world (devoted dad) and the others always wanted children but never found the right partner. The ones without children have degrees apart from one, the one with child dropped out of Uni but works in education. A dear friend has six children four have 2 or3 children one is a step and one is childless. Only one has a degree. This would be an interesting topic for a masters. By the way I was one of four, two of us being baby boomers. The baby boomer two have smaller families
.

I come from a large family of 5 and out of all of us only I have one DC. The rest are in their 40s without kids.

Some of this is down to the, ahem, lack of romantic notions about family. Strict upbringing that we all wanted to escape and as a result we're very geographically dispersed and not at all close. I don't know the phone numbers of my 2 brothers!

But some of it is down to the teachings of my father who insisted we try to get out of the small town we were living in, explore the world and make something of our lives. As he saw it the death knell was marrying your high school sweetheart and starting to procreate at 20, often meaning limiting life choices/options and the opportunity for adventure. So we all followed his advice I guess.

I suppose I would flip the question and ask 'aren't you a little wierded out by families whose kids have all prioritised having families?' Often right away and sometimes living 2 minutes between each other. Ugh.

I have always found the statement 'all i ever wanted to do in life is to have a family ' a bit odd. I'd like to hope that having a family isn't the ultimate achievement and that those without children aren't somehow lower on the cultural/moral totem pole.

Half of us have stayed childfree. I have been pregnant, but refused the medical treatment I'd have needed to carry full term. As far as I know, the others made a positive choice not to have children, although they are straight and married. This means their partners also chose childfree - one also comes from a large family, with no children between them. We're all aged 50-ish now, so the choices are made for life!

The proportion of women remaining childfree is going up. It's now one in five in the UK - your family and mine, OP, are well above average!

I am the youngest of 3 girls,we're now all in our 40s/50s now. None of us are married and none of us have children. I can't speak for my sisters but for me, I never wanted to end up like my mum, trapped in an unhappy marriage, staying with an ea man 'for the sake of the children'...

I wouldn't find it that unusual tbh, I can think of a family of 5 where only one (possibly 2 now) of the siblings have children, the opportunity simply didn't arise for the others.

A close friend is one of 3 (aged between 40-45) who are all childless. Her eldest sibling is not at all interested in children, the middle one and is now marrying a woman 10 years his junior (so possibly children will follow) and my friend was in a long relationship with a man who didn't want children, which is why she didn't have any. I don't think it's anything to do with their childhoods per se, more circumstance.

I think also there are more choices available, particularly to women, than there were a generation or 2 ago, and that plays a part.

A lot of families are shrinking. My grandmother had 6 children (but lost several more to miscarriages - considering all her children were born between 28 and 39 that was a lot of time spent pregnant), of those 6 children, none had more than 3 children themselves, and 2 didn't have any. In my generation, I have 2 children, as do 4 of my cousins. All the others are childless. My eldest cousin is the only one with adult DC, his 2 children are in their early 30s, and neither have any children of their own yet.

I don't see it as particularly odd - although it's probably the norm, there's an implicit assumption that having children is somehow desirable ... which I don't think is the case

Yes I Know a group of 4 siblings e who has done this through a combination of issues such as infertility, homosexuality & not wanting kids.they are in their 70s now & do comment occasionally that their branch of the family will die out on their deaths.

I think I was 33 before any of my 3 siblings had kids. They all had them well into their 30s/early 40s. I had mine in my 20s though, so I was the unusual one in our family. So, no. I wouldn't find it strange. I would probably presume at least some of them were going to have kids at some point though, I guess.

Yes I would find this very unusual, but it would depend on how well I knew you before I commented on it. Although it wouldn't be in a disdainful way more surprise or intrigue.

I'm from a family of 'breeders', we all seem to be ridiculously fertile and of my seven siblings none of us reached 25 without having a child, similar could be said for my various cousins. There are a few within the family who haven't had children but this tends to be because they can't rather than they don't want them.

I don't know anyone (to my knowledge) over 40 who doesn't have children or step-children. I have met or known people but theres nobody in my life presently who fits this criteria.

If I'm being brutally honest, I would probably make the assumption you either had all had an unhappy childhood, came from an extremely cold and distant family or were brought up to be spoilt and thus quite selfish. I suppose as I don't really mix with childless people and I don't really understand them as I just can't see why you wouldn't want children, I'd most likely be rather perplexed by it all and think of your parents.

Obviously its an individual choice and I realise I shouldn't expect what makes me happy to do the same for others, however it is just os different form my experience and my family or friends that I struggle with it as a life choice.