to think I shouldn't be expected to buy presents for niece's step child? (turned out long, sorry)

[Morgause]

I've always been very close to my niece, having no daughters of my own. We used to spend a lot of time together as she was growing up and I used to take her out for treats. Our families have also always been close and she has always loved our sons - her only cousins.

She married 10 years ago and she and her DH moved away to live but they used to come "home" regularly and we got to know and love her two children. We always buy them something nice at birthdays and Christmas

Time passes. She divorced and is now married again and they have a child between them and, of course, we have got to know the new baby, although we don't see them as often as we used to as they live quite some distance away.

Her new DH (nice chap) has a son from his previous marriage who we have only met once, at their wedding.

They were visiting her DPs a couple of weeks ago so we went over to see them with a present for her oldest child whose birthday was in a fortnight's time. Her DH said it was also

What anyone else does is irrelevant. I am very pleased that all our extended family treat all my DSs as equal and don't have a narrow minded 'they don't really count because they are not blood relatives.'

I would send a token gift.

To be nice.

It's not the kid's fault his father is so rude.

Not so nice a chap then.

Buy his son a book on manners, or a set of stationery stamps, of "thank you", so he can make cards.

Or just tell him that your budget doesn't extend that far, and that Santa visits at Christmas.

Yes, if you feel you must send a gift, send this book

Thanks for all the replies. Have spoken to sis this morning.

She spotted what he'd posted and told my niece who made him delete and gave him a right telling off. He says it was "just a joke" and has also messaged me earlier to say sorry for his lapse in manners.

Niece doesn't want me to buy her DSS anything ever for birthday or Christmas, and her OH now agrees.

Her parents buy for all the children and she feels that that's enough, given that all DDS's family buy for him and not her 2. Her 2 like that they a have a great Aunt and Uncle who always remember them and know they are as special to us as DSS is to his family.

She has promised to let me know if the situation ever changes.

I say, in my defence, if we were ever going to see the family and DSS was going to be there we wouldn't dream of taking anything over for the other DCs and nothing for him.

Right decision! You don't need to say anything in your defence OP, you sound like a lovely and thoughtful great-aunt.

I don't understand why anyone would be concerned that a child who doesn't even know who you are, having only met you once three years before, would be upset to not get a present from you!

If there is ever a decision made that everyone on both sides of the family buys for all the dc, fair enough. But you are very generous to provide as much as you do!

I would delete his comment. And not buy the Lego set.

That sounds like a good result. I am glad everyone is happy.

think I would send a card saying 'welcome to the family' or similar and see how things pan out. If you establish a relationship progress to a gift but if not keep it to sending a card to show he is included, perhaps a letter with a bit of 'getting to know you' stuff in it or a photo?

That's great op, good outcome

Your nieces children are your relatives - not your neices stepson. I don't think adoption is the same as step children CSI. But that stepson has his own set of relatives. I have a sd and would not expect my relatives to buy for her (well when she was younger - she's an adult now).

Morgause - I really like your niece. She sounds like a star

You sound lovely and thoughtful and your niece sounds very sensible. I like the sound of your sister too.