to not go to DSIL to be's hen do

[olympicsrock]

DB is getting married for the second time. DSIL to be has invited me to her hen do but i'm not sure whether i should go.
Background. DSIL no 1 was one of my best friends. DB got together with DSIL to be very soon after she died and they were insensitive to others feelings so i didn't welcome her into our family. 18 months ago, when it became obvious that she was permanent, i made a big effort to get to know her better . She's ok but i'm not very keen. We're friendly but would not be friends if she wasn't DBs partner (she has tendency to drink to much and be argumentative and is a bit entitled). Having said that DB can choose his own partner, the children are settled into a stepsib family now and i will support their wedding.
So she texted me a few days ago. Hen weekend is 7 hours by train from me. I would have to take Friday off work . It will be v expensive (£500) DH and i are not that flush at the moment.i could fly but either train or flight is £110 alone. I would have to juggle weekend shifts as we have 2 family weddings the same month. And DH would complain about looking after toddler 3 days straight. And bottom line, i will not have that great a time.
It would be good to at least get to know her family and friends before the wedding but my last effort to socialise together was a disaster. Problem is that DSIS is in the same boat but lives nearer and says she won't go if i don't. So it might look like a boycott.DSIL is a bit oversensitive and it might blow up. Opinions please

Out of interest, why do you call her DSIL when you really don't like her?

Slightly off topic, but why do people think it is okay to have such expensive hen/stag dos. More of us should decline on principle.

I wouldn't go either but purely for financial reasons not because you are not close.

fwiw id complain about looking after a toddler for 3 days without help while dp partied even if it was my toddler..

just say its too expensive and too far, then wish her well.

Is your H going on the stag do, out of interest ?

and how many days will you get "saddled with a toddler" ?

I agree Bran, I knew op would get pounced on as soon as she mentioned dh and the toddler, but I wouldn't think it was on for dh to leave me with dc for a three day weekend jaunt either. Don't think he'd even ask.

Op it's too much money. End of story. Say you'd like to be involved in some way if you like- maybe give her one of those ridiculous pink fluffy cowboy hats!

I've called her DSIL out of MN convention. No DH will not be going on the stag do for the same reasons. I do think people are being more and more demanding when it comes to hen and stag does. The problem with DH and childcare at weekends is that i work weekend shifts one weekend in four. He gets really bored and grumpy as he can't do his hobbies. It does piss me off that he doesn't enjoy spending time with our DS for longer than a few hours although i know that this will change when he is a bit older.

If she lets things escalate she is BU. £500 is a lot of money: I would balk at asking old and close friends to shell out that much for a hen. Just tell her you can't afford it, send her a nice present and if she is really pissed off write her off.