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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel I'm 'losing' my son?

74 replies

LostHim · 12/05/2013 10:27

Yes I'm sure IABU....

We have 2 teenage boys. Eldest boy is 15 and he's 'grown up' what seems like very suddenly. Weekends used to be doing things as family, town, cinema, meal out. Now he doesn't want to do anything with us. He is either out with his friends and when he is here, all he wants to do is skype.

I miss him, we have lost 'the connection' somehow. He doesn't want to talk to me. He says I'm embarrassing! What is upsetting me also is that this is surely the start of a very long period to come.....when he goes to university etc.

As I type I know I'm being silly. I can't clip his wings I know. But I feel so upset.

OP posts:
Moonstorm · 12/05/2013 10:29

((((((())))))))

No advice, I'm afraid

Lj8893 · 12/05/2013 10:31

It won't last long, my brother went though this stage and is now very close to my mum. My dp also did this and is now the biggest mummy's boy!!!!

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 12/05/2013 10:32

Glad to hear that Lj, I'm a Mum of 2 sons, and was worried.

mrsjay · 12/05/2013 10:34

its fine all parents are embarassing (sp) at that age , dd1 wouldnt be seen with me at 15 dd2 doesn't mind so much but if we meet any of her friends I have to walk on and not look at them Grin

your son is growing up and doing his own thing it is hard but you need to accept that, I organise days out now and again for the dds so we are together and spending some time together, I think inisisting he spends some time with you maybe make it a monthly thing will do him good he will moan and groan but it keeps the connection up ime, and dd1 is now a grown up and have turned the corner, your son loves you him doing what h does is no reflection on you it is what teenagers like doing,

digerd · 12/05/2013 10:34

He's 15 - could be a lot worse - and it will get better when he matures.

Toadinthehole · 12/05/2013 10:34

A lot can happen in the three years to come. I was closer to my parents at 18 than at 15 (when I was probably a bit of an arse asserting my independence) and have probably become closer still, although of course the nature of my relationship with them has changed.

FreddieMisaGREATshag · 12/05/2013 10:38

He's 15. It happens. He'll grow out of it, I promise.

TalcAndTurnips · 12/05/2013 10:50

They really do tend to start coming back to you more at around eighteen, in my experience.

I do remember well that feeling of the end of family life as you knew it.

My two daughters are grown up now (one still at home); we were on holiday together about six years ago in a remote cottage. I looked out of an upper floor window one morning and saw my eldest disappearing over the brow of a hill as she went for a run.

At that very moment I realised for certain that that was going to be the last time we would go on holiday together - and it was. It was such a sad feeling - but then you realise that it is all for the good and quite wonderful to see them moving on independently. We all had lunch together last weekend in the sunshine; first time in ages - it was so lovely. As Toad says, the nature of your relationship does change - but that's OK. It really is. Thanks

Sugarice · 12/05/2013 10:55

I have three teen ds's , the eldest has just turned 18 and this is what they do in my experience, they prefer the company of their peers and do find us parents embarrassing, even if we are achingly cool and 'down with the kids' Wink

My ds2-15 is just how you've described your boy, he doesn't have a proper conversation with us unless it's important or interesting to him, he grunts!

mrsjay · 12/05/2013 10:57

aw your post was lovely talc Smile you are right the change is the relationship is a good thing

TartyMcTart · 12/05/2013 11:09

My boys are only young (8 and 6) but I really don't want this stage to come! At the moment I'm still called 'mummy' and they'll hold my hand when we're out and about although DS1 is a bit more cagey about it these days!

I still think of myself as an 18 year old (am 37!) and can't imagine I'll ever be that embarrassing mum who has to walk ahead when we're on a rare shopping trip when they're older. In my eyes I'm young, trendy and not embarrassing at all I know this is all in my head though Wink

Purple2012 · 12/05/2013 11:16

It's natural. Try to not worry about it. In a couple of years the grunting and being embarrassed will stop.

exoticfruits · 12/05/2013 11:17

It is a phase. I can remember when my parents were deeply embarrassing. They come through to the other side. We are off to stay with my eldest next week. Relationships change all the time-they are never static.

secretscwirrels · 12/05/2013 11:18

I have boys of 17 and 15 and I feel your pain.
They are both lovely boys still lots of hugs but that precious family time that we had up to around age 12 has gone.
We still manage some quality time though. We all eat together every day and so there is conversation there, we are very rural and there is much taxiing about so lots of chatting in the car. Holidays are good.
Nevertheless I have felt for a while that there is a count down to next year when DS1 will fly the nest to uni and probably never come back.

Wuldric · 12/05/2013 11:21

All parents are embarrassing. It's just a question of degree.

We're experiencing the same with our teens. I don't mind it actually. As long as you do have periods where you re-connect. I still occasionally tickle mine - it works :)

Original poster
LostHim · 12/05/2013 11:33

Sniff! Thank you all.

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 12/05/2013 11:37

op dont you remember being 15?

orangeandemons · 12/05/2013 11:38

But they come back!!

Ds refused to be seen anywhere with me, and never wanted to go anywhere with us. But now, age 19, he is utterly utterly delightful, and I could spend hours with him. Delightful beyond anything. He gives me big bear hugs and kisses me goodbye on the top of my head.

The only problem is he thinks money grows on trees, but I think the adult relationship with your dc is every bit as nice if not nicer as when they are little

orangeandemons · 12/05/2013 11:39

And they still need you too. They may be independent is some ways, but at the first sign of trouble they still turn to you.

Dawndonna · 12/05/2013 11:41

Perfectly normal behaviour. I had nothing but grunts from Ds1 between 15 and 17. He's 28 now. He lives in his own place round the corner and is here at least once in the week and every weekend. If he sees me out he always gives me a hug.

Hiphopopotamus · 12/05/2013 11:42

I don't know if any of you watch Modern Family, but there's an awesome quite from it about raising children..
“Raising a kid is like sending a rocket ship to the moon. You spend the early years in constant contact then one day around the teenage years, they go to the dark side and they’re gone. All you can do is wait for their faint signal that they’re coming back.”

Wuldric · 12/05/2013 11:44

I had nothing but grunts from Ds1 between 15 and 17.

This. I had the most beautiful, charming and articulate little boy. Now, it's almost as though he has lost the power of speech. I tease him about it occasionally and he responds in full sentences. So I still think there is an ability to talk in there, buried under a mountain of teenage hormones.

mrsjay · 12/05/2013 11:44

Raising a kid is like sending a rocket ship to the moon. You spend the early years in constant contact then one day around the teenage years, they go to the dark side and they?re gone. All you can do is wait for their faint signal that they?re coming back.?

Phil is an obvious parenting guru Grin that is what I thought of when iw as reading the thread I couldnt remember the exact quote, I love modern family it is hilarious

hugoagogo · 12/05/2013 11:44

This is normal, natural and very much to be desired.

Faxthatpam · 12/05/2013 11:46

As others have said. They come back, and its lovely. Some take longer than others to get over it, but when they do it is an amazing and wonderful thing to see your children become adults.
YY to the needing thing too.