to be pissed off with ex on behalf of my dc

[worley]

ok.. sorry this may be longish.. not sure wether to post on here, lone parents or step parents?! so choose here..

Ex dp collects ds from school twice a week and has him for 1 hour 45 mins each time. he does not have dc overnight or weekends. pick up is his only time he will have dc. ds has adhd and has been through 3 childminders within 18 months as they were unable to cope with his hyperactivity.
ex and i both work full time. he pays no maintenance (Long story :( ) i pick up once a week and my mum picks up twice a week also (as well as working)
it is ex birthday this weekend, he was meant to be having tea with the dc to give them time to see him and g

yes he works with vulnerable children in a residential home. problem is he goes out of his way for them and not his own.
ive tried the not letting him get away with it bit but after i ran out of childminding options i was stuck. there is no after school club and my parents help as much as they can but also work. i have no mil or fil as theyve both died so ex is the only one of his family here. so i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. i asked to reduce hours at work and was allowed one afternoon a week :( my boss has no children and although were nhs we get no sympathy for having to take emergency leave for sick children or childcare issues so i am stuck with work.

his gf is 10 yrs younger than us and i have never spoke in person to her( she messaged me on fb when he took an overdose a few years ago - her and another work colleague found him. he was diagnosed as bi polar disorder after this but he refuses medication) i feel like im drip feeding but i dont mean to.

thankyou all for replying. i needed to vent and you all listened.