to think that 12 units of alcohol is excessive?

[DomesticGoddess31]

Especially when consumed on his own and after I specifically requested that he not drink too much since I need a decent nights sleep (he snores when drunk and we have had a few rough nights with our toddler who only recently started sleeping through)???

Honest opinions please, thanks!

yanbu, look, you asked for him not to get too drunk and he has.
Specifically as it disrupts your sleep, and he has gone and been selfish.
I drink, DH drinks and bloody enjoy it too. But if I said lets not as been rough nights with DC and kipping for sanity and he did I'd be pissed off.
Then again...DH can drink that no problem and be fine, bad snorer after too much alcohol and drives me mad.
I'd say see how it goes tonight and banish him to the sofa if you're right. He'll be in the dog house tomorrow. Or you may have learned he can handle 5 strong ales.

I don't know... I drink quite a bit and I still think a bottle of wine is excessive if you're going for an easy night.

Also think it's okay to ask your partner not to drink too much on a particular night, for reasons of sleep/childcare.

So YANBU basically

Agentzigzag, I agree, it sounds petty I know, until you've suffered major sleep deprivation for 2 years straight. Sleep is so precious to me...so why the f@!? am I up at gone 11 stressing about this, he may as well be lying next to me snoring

He's on the sofa so I can't see a problem

It doesn't matter if 12 units would make some posters sick and it doesn't matter if you are a 'bit of a lightweight'.

What matters is how it affects your DH and if all it does is make him snore, then he's solved the problem by sleeping on the couch.

You're stressing because he didn't do as he was told.

Stop stressing and get some well earned sleep. It's nearly 11.30pm.

I think that if you asked him not to for a good reason, the snoring or if he may need to drive say, then fair enough if he said he would only have a couple and had more than double that.

But I wonder if you have an issue with alcohol per se and this is just a reason to have a go.

An average bottle of wine is about 13 units now so wouldnt be excessive in itself.

He's sleeping on the sofa. It's not an everyday occurrence. I really don't see the need for an argument.

True Worra.

Don't stress it now OP. as he's upset you by drinking anyway talk to him tomorrow. Hope you get a good night sleep.

He shouldn't be put in the doghouse for enjoying a 'few beers' in his own home saula, going on sulking and punishing him into the next day would be totally unreasonable, manipulative and controlling.

Sleep deprivation's no joke I know Domestic, but you've kind of twisted it into him deliberately drinking more to piss you off and stop you sleeping, and you haven't said anything remotely suggesting that.

If anything he's acknowledged your sleep problem by kipping on the setee, that's punishment enough surely (if any were needed).

What Iteotwawki said.

And hope you get a good night's sleep.

9 units in a bottle of wine I think (12% ABV). More if the ABV is higher, but I've never come across 12 or 13 units in a bottle of wine!

Agent he should not be punished for enjoying afew ales. I think he's being inconsiderate as OP specifically asked him not to.
I don't know I'm not OP, in the doghouse doesn't mean sulking and not talking about it. To me it would be frying pan in the balls in the morning?? :)

I am sure I saw 13 on a bottle I bought recently, but I stand corrected!

I think it was the ABV I saw!

Two arguments here

You say initially you didn't want him to drink too much on a given evening as you're sleep deprived and he snores when drunk. YANBU

You then go on to say 12 units is too much to drink generally. He's an adult capable of making his own decisions. YABU.

Pretty sure I read somewhere the Spanish 'safe limit' is 80 odd units a week. Someone correct me if I'm wrong...

Hope you get some sleep soon.

I think you're unreasonable to lay the law down. Just because you requested he didn't drink doesn't mean he shouldn't!

NHS limits here
www.nhs.uk/Livewell/alcohol/Pages/alcohol-units.aspx

• bottle of wine generally 10 units and pint of strong beer can be as much as 3 units. NHS recommends men do not regularly drink more than 3-4 units per day. Generally people drinking more or regularly are self medicating to some extent e.g. To help deal with stress or help them sleep.

I can understand your point of view, but I think YABU.

I'm normally a drinker, as is my DP, but as I'm pregnant I've stopped and he hasn't. It doesn't really cause me any issues, apart from when he drinks until he's drunk.

I've had occasions where he's snored so badly I've not been able to sleep, nor wake him up. One time, he rolled on top of me and I couldn't wake him up. It was pretty scary.

If he drinks until drunk now, then I ask him to sleep in the other room. Or else I will. I hate having my sleep ruined by him, especially when I struggle with sleep, but I wouldn't expect him to not drink.

I think focussing on how many units he's had is not the point- people handle alcohol differently.

Very divided opinions here and very helpful so thanks all. Really enabled me to see his point of view and we had a calm and sensible conversation this morning, he apologised for promising he wouldn't drink much and then breaking that promise, I apologised for flying off the handle and making him feel like he wasn't allowed to enjoy a few drinks. Upshot is, we had friends round for a bbq today and he's had waaaaay more beer and feels pretty ropey now and faces another rubbish night sleep on the sofa and a 5am cycle to work. He's just as sleep deprived as me anyway and is now regretting drinking at all. I should have shut my mouth and let him learn his own lesson.

Thanks for update OP. I hope you manage to find some middle ground/a solution you can both agree on in the future. Good luck.