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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have reported neighbour to the police? Sorry, slightly convoluted!

57 replies

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 11/05/2013 15:15

On 101 obviously because I feel he is harassing me. I am not usually one to involve the police in neighbourhood disputes and it feels a bit petty to me so would like other views.

Council moved us into a 2nd floor flat last year. I have 4 DCs, youngest aged 2. We did not bid on this property, council forced us to take it or otherwise they would evict us from the temp house they had put us into as we were homeless.

I initially chatted and introduced myself to ground floor neighbour (Dave, he has a 3 bed flat to himself but I digress) as I wanted to make the best of it and hoped the neighbours would be friendly.

After a few days he started talking about a former neighbour who lived below us, telling me that she had made loads of complaints about him to the council regarding the 'shared garden'. He has put up radio aerials as he is a CB buff, one of them is a spiky contraption, loads of metal rods sticking out about 5 ft off the ground. Anyway, he was referring to this woman as a 'silly bitch' 'uptight cow' etc and saying how she thought she could get 'one over' on him but 'I've lived here for 30 years' blah blah blah. He also put a padlock on the 'shared' garden gate as druggies congregate there apparently but said I could pay for my own key if I wanted one. I had already decided that DCs would not be going in the garden due to the aerials and the fact that the 2 flats below would be overlooking them and I did not know who the neighbours were.

Shortly after that, Dave told me that he found some Lego in the garden (obviously my DCs, DS2 must have thrown it out of the window) but he would not give it back as it would probably get thrown again Hmm. I ignored.

When the weather got warmer, I set up a water table for my toddler to pour water and splash in on the balcony. There is a drainage hole in the side of the balconies for water to run into a overflow pipe which then slowly drips down onto the garden on the back balcony and the path at the front balcony. I noticed 'Dave' standing below my balcony swearing to himself ('what the fuck' etc) when my toddler had poured some water onto the balcony and it was draining off. I also used to wash down the balconies with a bucket of water when they got dusty. This sent Dave nuts although he was rarely in the garden and I never did it if he was out there. He told me that I should not be pouring water on the balcony as the drainage pipe is for rainwater only and he was going to complain to the council. The council later sent me a letter telling me not to 'throw water over the side of the balcony' which I was not doing anyway. So I just thought Hmm.

From that point on, I decided to ignore Dave as he is obviously an arse. This was last summer.

Last Friday, myself and DC were going in the front door of the flat block when the toddler shut the main front door which has been pulled open (Dave had taken it upon himself to screw hooks onto the front and rear entrance doors so he could keep them all wide open for what reason I know not). Dave, who was in his garage across the road, started shouting loudly 'that little fucking cunt shuts that door again and I'll have him'. I was shocked but ignored and walked on.

On Monday, I scrubbed my back balcony for the first time since last summer and poured a few buckets off water over it. I later get into my car and wonder why the windscreen is filthy with mud all over it. I get out and notice that it looks like someone has chucked mud and water all over the car. I know it immediately it was Dave so I knocked on his door and asked what he'd thrown over my car. He admitted it and told me 'you've upset everyone in this block and you need to watch it cos you need to live here' actually spitting with rage and shaking. I decide to log it with the police because my older DCs witnessed all this and were a bit shaken. I also informed the council who want a meeting with me next week.

Dave has since covered the 'shared' garden's patio below my balcony with tarp!

Today, I parked up with DCs and as I get out of the car, Dave and another neighbour are standing at his van, Dave says 'don't you look at me or I'll have yer'. I told him I wont be bullied by him and I have informed the council so he says 'go on then, fucking go on, arrogant cow'. I ask him to repeat what he said so he says 'I did'nt say anything did I and I've got a witness', this to the old man who lives opposite him.

I have reported to the police again. They said they would come out but have not.

The neighbours (a single man and his adult son) below me have shouted up before about my toddler, 'shut up you little shit' when he's had a tantrum. Also heard them shouting about 'the fucking cunts upstairs' and throwing things about. Son has violent rows with his girlfriend in his flat and outside late at night waking up the DCs. He also played loud bass music (floor shaking) during the day, so loud I could'nt hear the TV and I knocked a few times and asked him politely to turn it down. He used to get up at around 11am, put the music on and keep it on until around 2pm every fucking day while his dad was out at work. Toddler could not nap. He told me he can play music if he likes in the day. Eventually stopped a few months ago. I am assuming that is how I 'upset' them. Oh they also chain a bike to the rails on the landing outside their flat which makes it difficult to walk through with bags etc so I asked the council to get them to move it (I was told I could not leave a buggy on the landing when I moved in). They did for about a week then put it back.

I am an tenterhooks with the DCs making noise and even more stressed than usual if that is possible. I feel panicky about leaving my flat and am avoiding it as Dave is always outside. I feel silly contacting police though. AIBU?

OP posts:
StitchAteMySleep · 11/05/2013 18:13

Actually you were right to call the Police, that was threatening behaviour.

I had problems with my neighbours (worse than yours though). The council housing officers,Anti-social behaviour unit and the safer neighbourhood team all worked together. We got moved, but we had to log everything.

expatinscotland · 11/05/2013 18:16

And you think the council will move you into a lovely house in a great area? It's likely they will put you back in temp accommodation or move him rather than you.

QuintessentialOHara · 11/05/2013 21:23

Moving him would perhaps not be so bad....

expatinscotland · 11/05/2013 21:32

If there are other complaints, they will move him rather than the OP. As a single male/adult with adult child, he's easier to dump/house.

The OP has never been happy with the accommodation offered by the council, having wanted a house with a garden, which are not available now, but refuses to look at private renting.

The council cannot offer you what it does not have. If they move you, you can count on it being accommodation similar to what you have.

Lilypad34 · 11/05/2013 21:33

I think the council should be sorting this, the police are an emergency service there to prevent and detect crime and protect life not sort neighbour disputes. I hope the council can rehouse you because it sounds awful for you and your dc, you should be able to live your life without fear of upsetting a prick downstairs!

headinhands · 11/05/2013 21:38

Just to add to other posters, keep a log and keep calling the council. Your treatment is unacceptable. Take footage but covertly when possible. Seek independent witnesses to disputes. My friends neighbour lived near a someone who was throwing buckets of piss over her fence amongst other bizarre behaviour.. She dealt with it all above board and although it's a long road, it's very effective. Keep strong and have some hugs.

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 11/05/2013 23:33

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TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 11/05/2013 23:34

Thanks for all the replies. I shall be logging everything.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 11/05/2013 23:55

I'm not being sarcastic, but truthful.

You've done little above moaning endlessly about your housing situation. People have tried to help you by providing options, but none of them is ever acceptable to you.

If pointing this out is mean-spirited or part of my 'backstory' Hmm, well, the truth hurts.

Definitely log everything, but don't be surprised if they move him instead of you, after possibly giving him an ASBO.

Toadinthehole · 12/05/2013 04:54

I can spot various instances of at least three summary offences in the opening post. Threatened assault. Offensive language and behaviour. Intentional damage to property.

(Also theft, if one includes the lego)

I'd be going to the council and the police.

ElliesWellies · 12/05/2013 06:15

I think you were right to contact the police.

If it is making your life such a misery then go to your GP, tell them the stress is making you ill, and present to the council that living there is affecting your health. Worth a shot. I don't think this is just a neighbour dispute, and his behaviour needs to stop or you need to move.

golemmings · 12/05/2013 06:35

If he is a council tenant with a 3 bed house is there not a chance of him being rehoused to a smaller property anyway?

IneedAsockamnesty · 12/05/2013 07:47

Gole.

Not unless he requests it. They cannot make a under occupier move they can only cut HB ( if he receives it) by 14% for 1 extra room or 20% for 2 or more extra.

The second largest group of under occupiers are people who don't get HB and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

He can be evicted if he breaches his tenancy or creates a nuisance but then he is unlikely to be rehoused due to low priority and intentionality.

JumpingJackSprat · 12/05/2013 08:53

Sounds like a bad situation to be in and this guy does sound particularly horrible but my DSS has got to 5yo without ever having a "water table" to play with especially on a balcony when other people may be walking underneath. also why would you need to use several buckets of water to wash a balcony, again running the risk that you might totally soak someone? I dont think youve helped the situation by doing these things to be honest and if you lived above me and dropped water on my head i'd probably complain about you.

BigBlockSingsong · 12/05/2013 09:07

Oh god that sounds an awful environment to have to live in, you shouldn't have to fear your kids making noise, no way to live Sad

do you have anyone you can stay with? they all sound like thugs tbh I would not feel safe there.

Stressedtothehilt · 12/05/2013 09:11

Sorry but OP said she checked to make sure no one was under the balcony. This clearly isn't her fault. OP next time you need to go out get a small dictaphone in your picket and if you do run into Dave and he starts shouting then just quietly tell him that u will record everything he says . As long as u make him aware you're recording then its fine to do so, start recording as soon as you sense confrontation with it in your pocket then go and visit council and take recording with you!

limitedperiodonly · 12/05/2013 10:25

You don't sound like a moaner. You sound very reasonable to me, as well as being depressed and probably scared.

Like everyone says, keep a log and contact the council every single time.

It is the job of the police to sort out neighbour disputes if they involve threatening or abusive words and behaviour. Do keep calling them and if you ever feel frightened call 999. It's what they're there for.

JerseySpud · 12/05/2013 10:32

YANBU to report him to the police at all. Its bullying and threatening behaviour

Keep a log, and keep on at the council x

Mimishimi · 12/05/2013 10:50

We live on a top apartment and the water from our balcony overflow pipe would sometimes splash onto the neighbours washing that was hanging on their balcony rail below although the bulk of it went into a drain directly below their balcony. We solved the problem by rolling up
a plastic sheet (eg a drawer liner or something fairly flexible but not too floppy) and sticking it into the pipe on the outside. This extended the length of the existing pipe, works perfectly well, and we've had no complaints since.

Keep a log of the threats though.

Toadinthehole · 12/05/2013 10:53

I'd imagine the average tenancy agreement would include the requirement not to disturb the neighbours unreasonably.

quesadilla · 12/05/2013 11:09

Don't have much knowledge or experience about dealing with council as have never been a council tenant but I think going to your MP would be a good move. I would second what everyone has said about logging incidents and complaining too. Good luck, it sounds very stressful and unpleasant.

headinhands · 12/05/2013 11:34

Fwiw the situation I mentioned above where a vindictive neighbour was pouring wee over a fence etc they were both homeowners in a 'naice' area. Regardless of wether you live in council or private their are behaviours that are not acceptable. You shouldn't have to accept abuse and threats as routine when in social housing.

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 12/05/2013 12:51

expatinscotland you have no idea of my truth. I am no moaner. YOU are particularly unpleasant though.

Thank you for all the further replies and the empathy. Thanks

OP posts:
HollaAtMeBaby · 12/05/2013 15:01

He sounds like an ARSE and YADNBU.

Why the fuck am I paying taxes to support a single man to live alone in a 3-bed garden flat? Bring on the bedroom tax.

Raum · 12/05/2013 15:13

He has probably been at this before and I wouldn't be surprised if the council recognise the name written you report him to them. You need to be moved asap.

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