Disciplining DS (4) over his 'playing' with DD (9 months)

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

DS is 4-and-a-half, DD is 9 months. They adore each other and there's a really beautiful relationship forming between them.

BUT, DS can be quite boisterous and is sometimes too rough with DD. For instance, DD will be happily sitting and playing with something, and DS will come up behind her, grab her by the shoulders, pull her backwards and start rolling around on the floor with her. Sometimes she loves it and will be giggling, but other times it really bothers her - especially if she had been doing something that she was enjoying - and she'll start crying.

It's really beginning to bother me too. I've tried telling him that that's not the way you play with a baby and if he wants to play with her, he should sit down beside her and join in with what she's doing, help her or show her how to do something like he does if he wants to play with a friend. Deaf ears.

I've tried telling him that babies are very precious and he should treat her like she's a precious little egg - he has to be very careful with her, treat her gently because if he's too rough the egg might break. Deaf ears.

Today, when he did it, I put him straight on the naughty step because he just won't listen! But in hindsight, it just seems a bit harsh as I really don't think he's being deliberately naughty, he just wants to play with her but doens't know how to go about it in the right way. It's like he doesn't know the difference between playing WITH her and using her as a plaything!

Anyone have any advice as to how I could better handle this? AIBU using the naughty step?? AIBU putting this under AIBU...don't know where else to put it!

But if that physical contact is going to build a good relationship it has to be kindly contact and he must appreciate somehow that any other contact is not acceptable.

Honestly OP - if your wee laddie is a sweetie, what myself and Chipping do - it works well.

"Does xxxx look like she's enjoying that? No? Then why are you doing it?"

Followed by "would you like it if someone did that to you?" and when they admit they wouldn't, then "now say sorry to xxxx...well done, good lad"

It gives a moment of realisation, and gets the message across firmly without having to do battle...or even raise your voice.

OP-I think what your DS is doing is normal for his age. My younger two are v similar ages and I have this too. My DD doesn't mean to hurt the baby but she doesn't understand that she needs to be more careful with him than with her older siblings, children her age, etc. She is really not an aggressive child at all; the pre school have commented on how kind she is to the younger children.

I use the same approach as pictish. I think it's really useful as it encourages her to observe and empathise. I also encourage her to play a specific game which they will both enjoy e.g. pushing a ball around the room. I wouldn't use punitive methods unless he deliberately hurts the baby.