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To think it's odd that me and dh never socialise together with other couples?

11 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 09/05/2013 22:00

I've been with dh over 10 years. Pre kids we used to go for dinner etc with some other couples occasionally but it always seemed a bit forced. We both prefer just spending time with each other and over the years have got in a complete rut of never socialising together with other couples or families.

We have 3 young kids and I socialise a lot with them with my 'mummy mates' but I am always on my own. I meet up with friends with my kids on the days I don't work so fair enough dh is working plus wouldn't want to hang out with me and my girlfriends. But there are times when I've seen various girlfriends with their kids and their dh has been there too. Eg at the weekend. My dh would never come with me or stay in at home if friends with / without kids were visiting. He'd go out on his bike or do something himself. Tbh I wouldn't want him to come out if it was just me and another pal without their dh either, but I am thinking it is a bit odd that we never socialise with any other couples or families at all. Well, apart from his family who we see a lot.

I'm not sure if it's a problem or not, we just seem to float on by in our lives in this status quo but sometimes I just wish he would show more of an interest in socialising with others with me. It's like I have my friends and he has his friends and they rarely cross over. Is this weird or not?

OP posts:

LittleMissLucy · 09/05/2013 22:01

I don't think its odd but then I never did it much with DH pre-DCs. Its not my scene tbh, a bit too Ozzie and Harriet.


Doinmummy · 09/05/2013 22:03

What would he say if you suggested inviting a friend and DH round for dinner?


tanfastic · 09/05/2013 22:03

Well if you're weird then we are too. Sounds pretty much like me and dh.


NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 09/05/2013 22:05

Not weird...very common. DH and I have only very recently met a few couples...through an allotment weirdly.


scaevola · 09/05/2013 22:06

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

But I am wondering if you posted because you want to alter your social life. It's not clear from your post if you want to change what you do when you go out as a couple (ie meet up with other couples sometimes - something that can be fixed by extending a few invitations) or if you don't do out as a couple at all. The latter would be more of a concern.


EleanorFarjeon · 09/05/2013 22:09

It's the opposite of our social life, as we socialise with other couples all the time, and we do weekends or lunches with other families too.

But if it suits you & you're happy with it - who cares?


NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 09/05/2013 22:12

Eleanor what's the point in your post? OP has said she's not happy with it...


ilikeyoursleeves · 09/05/2013 22:14

I'm not sure I actually do want to go out with other couples though, part of me does but another part would dread it cos I think dh finds it very hard to relax round new folk so to speak and it often comes across as him being very stand off ish. Maybe that's the bottom line actually, I wish he was more 'friendly' to others and chit chatted to my mates etc instead of avoiding them. He's fine with me and people he knows well but he just doesn't seem to put in effort to be friendly with others. It's not important to him. I chat to loads if folk at school whereas he does his damnedest to ignore everyone!

I'm just so used to it now though. Don't think he will change so we just keep plodding along but sometimes when I'm out with the kids and see my mates with their DH's I feel like a single mum.

OP posts:

mameulah · 09/05/2013 22:18

I don't know if it helps but because of work commitments my dh sounds like yours. Meaning he can't hang out and be social cos he is ALWAYS working. I find it disappointing visiting a friend and their dh is loitering around. Not always, but sometimes. And some friends can't seem to do anything without their dh. That is irritating too!


BooCanary · 09/05/2013 22:18

OP, I could have written your posts. My DH and I are exactly the same. And I feel identical to how you feel - sort of don't really mind, but feel a bit single-parent-y sometimes and wish DH was as bit more sociable.


emsyj · 09/05/2013 22:20

The only couples we socialise with are those where I've been friends with the woman first and we have then arranged to go out as a foursome or six-some with partners, so the men sort of tag along at first and either they get on or they don't. You could always suggest to some of your friends that you have an evening out with partners? Then if everyone gets on, it might become regular.

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