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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad every time I put away baby clothes that my DS has grown out of. I am not sure we will ever have a dc#2.

25 replies

honeytea · 09/05/2013 18:19

I am loving being a mum but I get a pang os sadness every time I put away clothes that ds has grown out of :(

It took 2 years to get pregnant with ds and we were trying very hard, ovulation testing and temping and having sex often. Both me and dphave fertility problems, I have pcos and fibroids and dp has odd shaped sperm, I feel like we would never be able to focus so much on ttc as so much of our time is taken up being parents now.

I became pregnant the month before we were due to start a cycle of IVF, oddly we were not trying that month as I had been told by my IVF dr that I would not ovulate that month.

Ds is 4.5 months old and growing fast he is a huge toddler sized baby every couple of weeks he grows out of clothes and I fold them away carefully for our next baby.

I just feel so so sad every time I put away his clothes, I feel like I am saving his old clothes for no reason as we probably won't be lucky enough to have another baby.

In a way I think I should just give all the clothes away and if we were lucky enough to have another baby we would have to buy new clothes.

I love ds so very very much, I know how lucky I am to have him, it is only when I put away his soft little babygrows and vests that I think about how unlikely dc#2 is.

Has anyone else felt sad about something as non important as baby clothes?

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 09/05/2013 18:21

they aren't un-important

they are part of your memories of your child and deeply sentimental

I have 2 children and am not having any more

i have sold almost everything but hung on to bags of clothes - like their going home from hospital babygros

it's really natural and usual and plus your baby is still really tiny in age terms

4.5 months is nothing in the great scheme of parenthood

slowco4ch · 09/05/2013 18:27

I have exactly the same feelings, my ds is 16 months now and I've just given a cousin a bagful of his old clothes. My dh doesn't think he wants anymore children although the final decision has yet to be made by us , I just can't see it happening, that is all depending of course if we would be lucky enough to conceive a second child. When I put the clothes away I cried that a stage was already over and moving so fast, now I cried yet more tears to give them away. I love ds but oh my do I wish he wouldn't grow so quickly. Time marches on so quickly, here I am with a little boisterous toddler and only a moment ago I had a little bundle looking for his milk and cuddles. Oh and here come the tears again!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 09/05/2013 18:30

I've just chucked a lot out. Babygros that had gone yellow in the storage bag. My youngest is 10. I had a little tear.

Other favourite clothes and shoes I have kept.

No need to get rid of yours until you are ready

elliejjtiny · 09/05/2013 18:57

There is a lady on facebook who will make your old baby clothes into a quilt. Maybe you could do that with your favourites?

MiaowTheCat · 09/05/2013 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeckOffCup · 09/05/2013 20:58

I don't think I will have another baby either and I felt exactly the same as you, I cried when I had to pack away all the 0-3 months clothes for the next size up. DD is now 2 and it does get easier as time goes on, I've happily sold bundles of her most recent outgrown stuff but I haven't opened that newborn clothes box yet, I can't face the thought of getting rid of that. The quilt thing sounds good, I think I've heard of people that will make them into a teddy too.

chandellina · 09/05/2013 21:04

I gave everything away, chance of second child looked to be around zero, then had to get everything again when miracle number 2 showed up. I made bunting out of my daughter's babygros, it's quite sweet.

Original poster

honeytea · 09/05/2013 21:14

I really like the idea of a memory bear. I guess I could save some to give to any baby relatives.

Ds is pretending he us a newborn tonight by sleeping on my knee, I should put him down but the cuddles are so nice :)

I feel sad because most of the clothes have been worn once or twice, dp just says oh we will get more use out of it with #2 but I feel like he is being unrealistic.

OP posts:

ArtexMonkey · 09/05/2013 21:20

This reply has been deleted

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MrsKoala · 09/05/2013 21:20

OP i think it's only natural to feel like that.

I feel very sad whenever i put nearly 8mo ds's cloths away. He was born massive and i really feel that he was never a 'little' baby. I am so sad now he's almost walking and the size of a 1yo. I just want more time with my baby.

I co sleep because i just can't bear being apart from him . Tonight his 3rd tooth has come thru :(

pinkr · 09/05/2013 21:22

It sweet to keep a few things...my mum did and I've just taken them out as we're expecting scan in August. There are beautiful knitted shawls and cardies mage by my gran that my wee one will use...maybe you should think like that when you put them away, that they will get used one day! !

Dogsmom · 09/05/2013 21:23

I'm going through this too and my daughter is only 9 weeks old, I bagged up some of her newborn clothes and said to my husband that they were to sell then added 'or maybe put them up the loft'.

ArtexMonkey · 09/05/2013 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MolotovCocktail · 09/05/2013 21:35

I felt exactly the same as you, OP. We wanted another baby very quickly after dd1 was born (we started TTC again just 6m later) but it took dd2 2 years and 6 cycles of Clomid to show her shiney face.

I mean, you can't help how you are feeling but I do regret some of the wistful feelings I had about dd1 growing so quickly; missing her being a tiny baby ... I was so lost in TTC a second time and wanting a newborn again that dd1's toddler phase kind of passed in a blur. I wasn't fully present for them, iyswim.

Now that she is 4yo, I look back at pictures of her at 2yo and I wonder where that time went. I'm sure that when she's, say, 7yo, I'll look back in wonder at now.

Just enjoy that tiny baby that you have now and thoroughly enjoy every second of him growing. Have a little hope for what the future might bring xx

firesideskirt · 09/05/2013 22:34

you never know. I know plenty of people who struggled to fall pg with their first but found second time easier. Hope for you too OP.

Kafri · 09/05/2013 22:47

ive struggled with this.

ds is 5m and took 6yrs and ivf to conceive so i keep packing up what he grows out of and cant face keeping it as it feels like I'm tempting fate that ivf will work again.

I sobbed last week when swapping his carrycot on the pram for his 'big boy' seat and he looks like a little boy now rather than a little baby.

I just have to hold onto the fact that we've so many more happy memories to make yet and whatever happens in the future, ill always have the memories to treasure.

Twattybollocks · 10/05/2013 06:20

Yanbu, but don't give up on a second child just yet, it took us 3 years of trying to get me pregnant with ds, 8.5 years later and I've just had dc3.....

MummaBubba123 · 10/05/2013 06:36

Oh my gd, YES.
I think it's a perfectly nickel feeling. They grow so quickly. Such special days literally being packed away. I didn't have any fertility problems with my first (only with the next 2 pregnancies), but I felt such sadness putting away my first child's outgrown-clothes.
Such special days.
I even remember how very sad I felt on his first birthday?
Two miscarriages (and a molar pregnancy later), I don't feel sad about doing the same with my daughter's clothes. A pang of sadness when I look at get and see how big she is - now 2 and potty trained. I don't have time to notice, which is sad in itself! Lol

MiaowTheCat · 10/05/2013 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

honeytea · 10/05/2013 09:50

The stories about number 2 coming even with fertility issues are lovely, congratulations to all of you :) I do hope we are blessed with a second baby one day, my fertility dr said that my fertility is likely to increase as I get older (I'm 28) so as I reach my late 30s early 40s I may be more fertile than I am now as I wont have so many follicles. I do have a fridge full of unused IVF drugs that are going out of date I am half tempted to do some at home iui (I won't really I promise)

I am dreading ds starting to eat real food, he is ebf at the moment and he is probably ready to start trying tastes but I love feeling like I give him everything he needs, I will take some photos the night before we start food to remember how big I grew him just from my body.

The premie clothes must hold an extra special place in your heart x

OP posts:

MiaowTheCat · 10/05/2013 09:56

This reply has been deleted

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havingamadmoment · 10/05/2013 10:54

I think it is normal to feel that way. After dc1 was born we tried for dc2 for 18 months, I had repeated miscarriages (5 over the 18 months) and it seemed as though i would never be able to carry another baby. I cried when I packed away/got rid of everything because i assumed that I would never have another baby.

Then in about the 19/20 month of trying I got pregnant with dc2 and got through to 35 weeks before giving birth. I then got pregnant 3 more times in the next 5 years and had no problems whatsoever, they were perfect pregnancies. I have no idea what changed - but now I am packing away dc5s clothes I dont feel that sadness because no more children has been my choice.

I hope you have the dc2 you want :)

parachutesarefab · 10/05/2013 11:04

Just to add to the 'don't give up' - I have 3 friends who had different, major problems conceiving their first DC. All were rather surprised to get pregnant, naturally, within a year of giving birth, and two now have 3 children.

MummytoMog · 10/05/2013 13:15

It's completely natural to feel this way. I have two DCs and am passing on loads of old clothes, but get terribly upset when I put stuff away/hand it on. Especially when people don't give it back when I've asked them to keep stuff. Yes I mean you SiL. I can't bear to get rid of it because we 'might' have another DC, but then spend ages just sniffing babygros. I still have oodles of maternity wear too. And nursing tops.

Rowgtfc72 · 10/05/2013 19:17

I kept a few special clothes Everything else I couldnt wait to get rid of. Id love a second child but DH isnt having it. All we have left is the car seat which she has been in since seven months (its a 123). She has six cm to go untill she wont need it anymore, dreading the day it has to go !

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