to be feeling SO bloody sad?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I'm probably being pathetic, as my BMI is just under the cut off for overweight, and I've stayed at this weight for ages but I saw myself naked in a full length mirror for the first time in a year yesterday

(I only have half length one's at home).

I'm trying not to get all obsessive-over-flaws about it, as I'm not normally like that but it made me feel so sad...

It was all lumps, bumps, old stretch marks (from back of the legs to my boobs), porridge tummy etc.

Besides trying to eat more healthily, what can I do to try and not obsess over how bad I look? AIBU to be so gutted? It sort of came out of nowhere

[TheOrchardKeeper]

(p.s I do have a partner, who says he loves me as I am etc & I've fully believed him, so started feeling way less crap about what pregnancy did to my body, how much bigger I am etc. Feel like I'm back at square one with the confidence now...)

[Tortoiseontheeggshell]

I have days like this, and other days where I'm mostly fine.

Oddly enough, the thing that worked for me recently was to take some photographs. I say odd because I was actually trying to take a 'before' shot, having just embarked on a diet regime, so I turned up all the lights in the bathroom and took the shots. And the disconnect was really interesting. Like you, I'm around the cut off for overweight, and to my eyes I look 4 months pregnant all the time, and I was trying to highlight that in the photos. But now I look at them, I can believe that people aren't just being kind when they tell me I do not look pregnant. I don't! I just look a bit pot bellied.

I think when we see ourselves like that, we focus in on the flaws. Whereas in a photo, we see our whole self, and it's more palatable.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I think that's what it was...I just honed in on the bad bits that I'd not seen properly in about a year

Plus DP really has make me feel like I look great, if a litte 'plump' in places, which had made me focus on the good things more.

I know logically I'm just a tad chubby but not too unhealthy etc, it's just that irrational, judgy voice that I'd almost got rid of iyswim. Feel like an insecure teenager atm. Properly embarrased at how upset it's made me.

I forgot I had stretch marks everywhere too...

Just really need to get this out somewhere & don't want to admit to DP how bad I feel about it tbh. So thanks for posting!

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I'm going to go for a long walk when DS is at nursery instead of studying (am doing a degree atm & am technically a lone parent, so am a tad stressed anyway) which might help me feel better. I can study when he's in bed, plus I think I could do with a shot of endorphins

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I know this all sound terribly self-pitying but I just feel so about it.

I'm not the only one who's had a sudden 'holy crap, do I really look like that' moment, can I?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

*sounds

[talkingnonsense]

You are not alone- could you get in more exercise? Obv doesn't help the stretch marks but makes everything firmer. And well done on keeping a healthy bmi.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Thank you. I do plan on maybe trying to shift some of my studying to when little one's in bed, so I can do some proper walking (not the usual toddler-dawdle into town), which I enjoy. I'll be more tired but probably happier overall.

(I'm skint & have an ongoing leg injury (shin splint that didn't heal well) so can't do running or afford to join a gym etc).

[fluffyraggies]

OP i was going to say a similar thing to tortoise. For years the only time i'd see myself in a full length mirror was in shop changing rooms and it was pretty much always a depressing experience. I'm about a 12/14 and i look ok in clothes. Sort of. lol. But what with celullite, stretch marks, love handles and thread veins here and there plus a tendency to always have bruises (bruise easily), i don't feel a pretty picture when naked.

About 3/4 years ago i bought a full length mirror to go in the bedroom (narrow, cheapy). Like you until then i had only had 'top half' mirrors around the house, and would just imagine the rest

I have to say that although i still don't enjoy seeing myself naked, i have got used to it and have stopped hating myself quite as much. There are outfits i dumped because i realised i looked awful in, and outfits i started to wear more often because i realised i didn't look any worse in them than the average person of my age out there. Shorter skirts, strapy tops etc. I have learned the wonders of a slimming slip under clingy dresses too. Makes the world of difference.

Do some walking OP, and (dare i say it) if you're pale and pasty use a bit of gentle self tan on legs and arms. You needn't be orange. If gives a healthy glow to the skin and detracts from bumpy bits

Sorry for the big ramble.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I am a very pale size large 12 or small 14 (apple shape, bugger it)

Have been getting my arms out despite not feeling totally comfortable about it because other women my size do it & I don't look at them and think 'eww' so surely I shouldn't do the same to myself? Or so I keep telling myself. (Plus, a bit of colour makes my skin look much nicer...).

I might get a full length mirror, just so I know what I'm working with better & like you said, can get used to it more!

[TheOrchardKeeper]

(I do use a few bits of shapewear, as my tummy suffered quite badly with DS, despite him being my first! I have a very short midsection & long legs, so the pregnancy was all in front & he was almost 10lbs )

[EarlyInTheMorning]

I feel like that too. Just 5 kg overweight but short so it really shows and I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. The obvious is to do something about it and I hate myself for sabotaging every single attempt to diet and my lack of discipline. I have started the 30 day shred though...

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I also have the 30 day shred but I find I only ever do it when I feel like punishing myself for being 'fat' iyswim?

And that approach to losing weight has never worked for me, so I just want to try and be a bit healthier & comfortable at whatever weight that leaves me at.

Or so I say!

[fluffyraggies]

If you can do a small thing for yourself - which might take a week, say, like loose just one or two lb, or use a body scrub a couple of times and go out in the sun/put a bit of glow on your skin, or do 3 long walks, allow yourself to feel a sense of achievement.

If you've got a full length mirror and you can see even a tiny bit of difference it will give you such a boost to carry on! No matter how slight the change.

If you have a (painful but useful) trying on session in front of the mirror of all your clothes and decide what sort of outfit really looks better on you, it's something to aim for when you're next able to buy to some clothes.

So many magazines and articles in the media show women who have achieved huge leaps in terms of their health and fitness and/or weight that it can in fact be off putting, i find, rather than inspiring. It's just too much to hope for.

Every journey start with little steps, and even little steps are so worth taking :) A few crunches done every day on the bedroom floor, and some arm exercises while holding weights (or tins of beans) make a difference if you can stick at it.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Thanks for the advice

I think baby steps is a good idea, for me. Partly as I've got so much else going on that anything too 'big' is off putting. I try to really take care of myself, eat fruit & veg, even if I do eat a bit too much of the bad stuff & do a skin scrub a few times a week. That makes me feel better, even if I don't look it. I do want to slowly cut down on some bad stuff & give up my daily cigarette gross, I know .