to want to kick an old lady in the shins?

[DorothyMantooth]

Well, not really, but I am pretty upset.

DD is 6 weeks old and HATES being in her pram. Most times that she's in it she screams blue murder to the point that she starts losing her voice/coughing and spluttering. We have a BabyBjorn which she loves to be in with DH, but with me it just escalates the situation (I think proximity to milk drives her nuts, even when she's not actually hungry). I therefore don't have a means of getting out of the house that doesn't make her scream. I'm going to get a sling but have tried a friend's before and it seemed to have the same effect as the BabyBjorn - I suppose the advantage is she can actually feed in a sling.

So, today I went for lunch with some friends. While I was out (3 hours), I fed her twice and made sure she burped. On the way home I popped into a shop, where the nice sales assistant held her while I got what I needed. She was perfectly calm at this point, but when I had to put her back in the pram she went ballistic.

About halfway home, I called DH for some moral support, as DD's dislike of the pram is really getting to me and I can't bear to hear her screaming. I usually stop the pram every few minutes to comfort her, talk to her, sing to her, but the only thing that stops the screaming is for me to carry her in my arms, and it's not possible for me to carry her and push the pram at the same time. While I was on the phone I passed an old lady who tutted and said "Poor baby, it's not getting anough attention." I couldn't believe what I was hearing so I turned around and said "WHAT?", at which she repeated herself more loudly.

I know I should just nod, smile, ignore, and as my DD has a very loud and piercing cry I'm sure she really thought that she was being abused or something. But DD is adored, much cuddled and played with, and is generally a happy baby (when I don't make her go in the dreaded pram). This is my first baby and the first few weeks have been really tough (as I'm sure they are for the vast majority of people), and it's really hard sometimes not to feel like the world's worst parent. The old lady has just made me feel pretty bad about myself, which I know is ridiculous as I arrived home 30 mins ago, fed DD and now she's sleeping on me as if nothing happened.

On a practical note, does anyone have any tips for how I can make outings less stressful for both me and DD? When I was pregnant I had fantasies of going for daily walks with her but in reality there are many days that I don't get out of the house at all.

Ah, I had a pram refusenik, you have my utmost sympathy. I used to worry that my neighbours thought I was abusing DD as they must only ever have seen her screaming the street down. It does get better, but it may take a while. DD was marginally better in a rear facing pushchair but generally wanted to be on the boob & in a sling permanently!!!

Get your stock answers ready, ignore old bids & remember: it's not your fault. Some babies just do not like pushchairs. DD did eventually stop screaming but it was a long time coming. Hugs x

curryeater - you are 100% right, every time I meet up with my antenatal group I am on edge and almost constantly bfing which is a shame as I find it really helpful to chat to other FTMs who are going through similar things to me - it's one of the things that's keeping me sane but unfortunately it means that DD needs to go in the pram . Am envious of the mums whose babies actually like their prams!

bigmillie - I think DD is the most intelligent child ever not at all biased about the PFB, not at all - it had also occurred to me that maybe this is the reason she hates the pram. That said she rarely looks at me when she's in there, even when I'm talking to her so she can't be THAT bored (I am of course an infinitely intersting person)

clare - she's fine in moses basket and playmat, so don't think it's to do with lying down. I have wondered if she feels closed in - maybe I should try putting the hood down and using the parasol for shade.

Those who have mentioned reflux/silent reflux: I have wondered about this as sometimes she gets fussy while feeding. She doesn't vomit much though and I thought reflux usually resulted in lots of vomiting? Anyone with experience of a non-vomity baby having reflux?

Ds1 hated his pram, and would never settle in it, so we abandoned it and just used a buggy he could recline in, and that was fine. We decided he hated not being able to see what was going on around him.

Dot, both of mine had silent reflux...not much vomiting but fussing while feeding/constantly feeding/constantly moaning/didn't want to lie on their back ...ad infinitum.

Go and see your GP.

This too shall pass :)

Sympathies to you with the mean comments!

Silent reflux (I think) is no vomiting but they scream because of the acid still coming up their esophagus...

White noise playing on the iphone (on flight mode) in the pram with a scarf draped over the hood has sometimes saved us from screaming the bus down?

OP - I think (not sure) this is what silent reflux is - they don't vomit, it just goes back down their throat, so there's not much outward evidence. I wished someone had told me about it with DD, she was the same, screamed in the pram so much I dreaded going out.
I really sympathise with you, a screaming baby is just awful for everyone. It was to do with being flat for DD, she was fine carried or in a sling, I used a wilkinet most of the time in the end. And had a bell-toned jingly rattle that would stop her crying long enough to pay when I had to use the pram to carry shopping.
I got loads of comments from old ladies, but just ignored them as I didn't speak enough of the language here to reply well. Personally, I would have loved to start a reply with 'You're wrong,' to wipe that patronising look from their faces.
You know better than them! She's your DD, not theirs.

Mine was the same and it did turn out to be silent reflux. Might not be the case here though as you say she's ok with moses basket.
Worth trying to prop her up a bit in the pram just in case, a pillow under the mattress?

Neither ds1 or ds2 would tolerate being laying flat in a carrycot so we ended up using the car seat on the pram with ds1 but tried to keep it to short trips as its not good for their spines to be in them for too long. I used a moby wrap with ds2 but he was still a screamer when we were in public and he was crazy difficult to settle (such a shock after having chilled out ds1 who could be taken any where with little fuss!) It could be reflux/silent reflux or it could be she's a little demanding. I always like the reminder that the first three months of a babies life are more like a fourth trimester, they expect to be held alot!

Good luck and ignore judgemental old ladies who engage mouth before brain!

DD was like this in the pram/carseat/pushchair/sling/everywhere! I downloaded white noise into my phone and played that, which usually helped or at least drowned her out.

If it's any consolation, she is an absolute delight now. We were able to take her absolutely anywhere from the age of around four months, including restaurants etc.

Conversely, DS (3 weeks) likes the pram and drops off as soon as he's in it!

my DS is 6 weeks, he is ok lying in his pram (Britax b-smart, carry cot) and hates being in his car seat. He has regular melt downs and sometimes his dummy helps (he doesn't have it very often mainly in the pram or when whipping my boobs out isn't practical). Also, I have a scarf I use for BF in public, I roll that up and put it next to his face, he rubs his face up against it and tends to settle.

It looks like its covering his face, but he's facing me and I make sure his mouth and nose are clear.

Silly old bag I think I might have run her over with the pram if I'd had a similar comment!

I was going to suggest silent reflux too but see it's been mentioned.

Ds2 was really unsettled as well - he hated his car seat, hated being put down, screamed a lot and unless you got the specific 2 minute window when he was tired enough to sleep but not too tired you were screwed. He did sleep ok at night which was his only saving grace but daytimes were shite. We took him to a cranial osteopath which I would normally have walked a million miles from as being a bit woo and it worked wonders.

No wary of knowing of course if he wouldn't have just got better anyway but honestly I was prepared to try anything.

We also had a hugabub wrap sling - they can sleep and feed in it. Somehow the squawking felt easier to deal with in a sling as it felt like I was actually doing something!

Good luck x

YANBU. I was also going to mention silent reflux. Or over stimulation. I would try a sheepskin, on her tummy and a dummy. Get the old fashioned cherry ones, not the orthodontic ones (there's evidence now that it makes no difference until they get adult teeth). They stay in better. It looks like they can't breath but they can. DS2 has silent reflux and this is the only way he'd settle for a few weeks at the 6-10 week stage. He's better now and can manage without the sheepskin. He's 22 weeks.

At 6 weeks I finally relented and gave Ds 2 a dummy. He rolled his eyes up in his head and fell straight to sleep. It saved my life and for him it never interfered with breastfeeding, I got one of those MAM ones, very soft.
It made for a very happy baby and Mummy, I could finally get around the shops and feed us all without racing to the tills with a screaming banshee.

Oh Ds 2 was a reflux baby, he did vomit though, very forcefully.

no problems here with BF and use of dummy. basically, DS is a comfort junkie!

My daughter used to do this and I often ended up carrying her and pushing the pram as I could not bear to hear her scream.

We then bought a 'suitable from birth' McLaren and she was fine in that. I have to assume the other - more stable looking- pram was uncomfortable.

DD is now 6 and still wants to be cuddled constantly though!

Mine had a clipped sheepskin fleece decades ago, and it worked a treat.
To the point where I could put the fleece down anywhere and they'd sleep on it regardless of location.
Screamers are so hard, DD (my first) did it for several months. It was when I became really grateful I'd married a calm bloke. DH would walk around with her for hours, singing and managing and jiggling her at all hours of the day and night, and never once lost his temper, because it would be illogical!
He also felt no guilt, or worry about her behaviour, it was what it was.

My baby was exactly the same about his pushchair between about six weeks and ten weeks or so. I was in total despair, and remember sitting on a bench in the park, crying while he cried. Didn't help that I hadn't been able to breast feed, was terribly sad and guilty about it, and so didn't even have the possibility of calming him with a breast feed. No advice, except to keep trying the pushchair. Mine suddenly became OK with it for no apparent reason, and life was much easier. I concluded that even though it was forward facing, him being lying flat meant he couldn't see me because his eyes couldn't focus far enough when he was wee, and when he was actually able to see me, he was fine. He was also a very curious, alert baby. Good luck, and much sympathy. It gets easier -- keep your chin up!

People in general tend to be very judgemental. I've read enough Mumsnet threads in my time that tear apart strangers based on what they wear, what accent they have, what they drive, what they feed to their baby, how they have their hair, etc to know that other people spend far too much time criticising complete strangers. This old lady said out loud what others probably thought in their heads.

In one passing moment the old lady saw you on the phone whilst your baby screamed blue murder. She got the wrong end of the stick completely and as a result she has made you feel really unhappy. The next time a judgemental thread comes up on Mumsnet I might use yours to demonstrate how easy it is to get a situation wrong and cause a lot of upset as a result.

Forget her.

On a more practical note; I would second the advice to tilt the pram up a bit so she can see more. I would also hang toys from the pram, have her favourite ted in there and I know I might get shot for this, but have you thought of a dummy?

I would also get her used to the pram, so when you are at home just sit her in it and play with her for a little while. Take non-essential little trips just up and down the street, talking to her all the while for just a few minutes at a time.

Make sure she has plenty to look at and distract her whilst she is in the pram and that she can see you. Try a sheepskin covering for the mattress and 100% cotton sheets that won't irritate her skin.

She is only 5 weeks old so give her a little time and she'll calm down. Don't be afraid to ask family and friends for help whilst she's so young.

HTH

Sheepskin in the pram and a stretchy wrap - I had DD plugged onto my nipple the entire time we were out for the first three months of her life. She was a screamer too and it's just awful. She gave up screaming at about four months if that's any consolation.

My son hated his pram, in fact most of my NCT group found the same, they just didn't like being flat. Can you attach the car seat to your pram? Mine much preferred it and then when he was 12 weeks I switched him to his pram reclined but not flat, from 6 months he will only sit bolt upright. My son has reflux which I think explained why he hated the pram as it was too flat. I really feel for you as it makes you feel very isolated if you feel you can't go out. I did many a walk home trying to steer the pram with one hand while trying to carry my DS with the other it will get better though.
Oh and ignore old ladies goodness knows why they are so judgey about young babies. We had one lady come up to us and say how awful it was us having our baby out so late and that he should have been tucked up in his cot. It was 8pm and my ds was less than a week old, we were walking him up to the supermarket to get some food and also so he could get some evening sun on him as we were told to by the midwife as he had a touch of jaundice and it had been 32 degrees in the day so couldn't take him out as he hated the heat.

Thank you all so much for your advice - just wanted to say that I bought a sheepskin liner and propped up the top of the carrycot mattress a bit and we are both much happier! I can't claim that DD now loves the pram, but she stays in there without complaining for much longer and is sometimes even happy. I think she enjoys being able to see me and a bit more of her surroundings and she looks so much more comfy in the sheepskin. We've now done two long daytrips alone and in combination with the baby carrier we have had very few tears. This is a big improvement in my life so thank you!