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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel just so jealous of my friends with good babies?!

54 replies

inneedofsomehelpplz · 06/05/2013 12:42

my 12 week old daughter means the world to me BUT jeez she is hard work - wont sleep anywhere but on me & wants to held all day - takes 3 hours every night to put to bed. my friends are always telling me how their children play/nap alone & sleep through the night..... what i would give to go for a wee & brush my teeth right now but she is fast asleep on me. i dread taking her out as she hates her car seat/pram/sling & just wants to be at home. its such a lovely day but my other children are stuck indoors cause i dont want to see my baby distressed by taking her out.

so aibu by wishing i had an easier baby?! but on the plus side ive bern told hard work babies are easy toddlers?

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 06/05/2013 12:48

Old wives tales usually have a grain of truth in them but don't rely on them as gospel.

I'm old school, babies conformed to our routine, our routine did not alter round babies. That is probably not appropriate parenting today. Can't be doing with this carting round continuously and on demand stuff. No one would ever get anything accomplished.

I'm afraid if you continue the way you are, your other children will come to resent the baby because it dictates their activities.

rubyslippers · 06/05/2013 12:50

You need a sling

Also, people don't always tell the truth re sleeping

You don't have a bad baby - babies want to be near their mums especially in the early weeks

Original poster
inneedofsomehelpplz · 06/05/2013 12:55

of course i dont have a bad baby just a rather challenging one - she hates the sling - i have to lie flat the sofa so she can sleep after she uses my boob as a dummy :-) my other children would nap in their moses basket/cot but not this little one.

i do love her but my other children do resent her already as daddy works long hours & mummy is always holding the baby....

all my friends think im mad letting her sleep on me all the time but she will simply cry if put down....

OP posts:
DolomitesDonkey · 06/05/2013 13:04

What holly said. You are allowing this baby to dictate what the entire family does. Your choice.

Alligatorpie · 06/05/2013 13:09

Try a different sling. And keep trying until you find one that works.

There are no good or bad babies. Your sounds more high needs, but that isn't bad.

People lie about how much their baby sleeps. For many, sleeping through the night is for five hours.

PicardyThird · 06/05/2013 13:09

What kind of sling do you have? it might be she is more comfortable in another kind. Have you tried feeding her while she's in the sling? I walked for miles round botanical gardens and parks etc. with dc2 feeding in the sling and dc1 running happily along beside me.

As you rightly say, of course your baby isn't 'bad'; her needs are understandable, and I am rather of the attachment-parenting school of thought myself, but her needs do need to be balanced with those of your other children. How long do you try her in the pram/sling before giving up?

maddening · 06/05/2013 13:09

Could she have an uncomfortable tummy or v slight reflux? My ds was an unputable down baby (not so bad as pfb) and looking back I wonder whether he had slight silent reflux.

Maybe try a swing?

Original poster
inneedofsomehelpplz · 06/05/2013 13:11

so what do i do? just read a post where a member gotta flaming for eating her dinner & leaving her baby to cry! ive just tried to put her on sofa & she woke up screaming & the only way to calm her down is breast. my other children need lunch :-(

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 06/05/2013 13:14

I think we can assume the OP has a lot of experience bringing up babies. There's a dfference between "allowing" the baby to dictate what the whole family does (which I was guilty of myself) and honestly having very little choice in the matter. It's no good having a jolly day out if your baby spends the majority of it screaming and grizzling. It is a shame though if you're in that situation - can I ask, have you tried different types of sling? It could be she's just uncomfortable in the one you've got, maybe.

MortifiedAdams · 06/05/2013 13:15

Give her a dummy. Put her in the pram and take her and the kids to the park. If she wont stop crying she wont stop crying - you cant stop living.

LittleLisa78 · 06/05/2013 13:17

So calm her then make lunch one handed? I've done pretty much everything one handed or while feeding since my dd was born 11 months ago. She also hated the car and pushchair til she was about three months but is much better now. For the sake of your other children you need to just accept she's unputdownable right now and get on with it. Why not take them to park? They can play, you can sit and feed, baby can be held and sleep

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 06/05/2013 13:17

Oh yes, I remember that thread Also, a lamb-skin worked for our little tyrant. They're good because not only are they so soft, but temperature-wise it's exactly like lying skin-to-skin.

wonderingsoul · 06/05/2013 13:18

its always a shock to the sytem when your other lo one have been "easy", im sure, but your doing good, you just need to explore other solutions that you didnt have to try with your other little ones.

id try a different sling, theres so many about and you can try them out before buying.

does she have a dummy? if its not something your hugely agasint it could be very usefull, if she likes to suck to comfort her self.

swoddling in the mosses basket, mine both loved to be swooddled "tightly" and some times an tshirt i had been wearing next to them, so they could still "smell" me.

good luck and of course ynbu to want things to be "easier"

CajaDeLaMemoria · 06/05/2013 13:19

This will sound nutty, but if you give her a dummy in her pram and sing to her while you walk, does she stop?

Endless renditions of old macdonald etc used to work for me!

LittleLisa78 · 06/05/2013 13:20

I have other children who wouldn't have enjoyed themselves knowing baby was upset so I sympathise. I carried baby and carried on as much as possible and have found it gets easier as she gets older

Scaredycat3000 · 06/05/2013 13:22

What type of sling do you have? There are lots of different types which will hold the baby differently, the right sling could be your answer. You can borrow slings from sling libraries to test before/if you buy.
I hope you find the answer soon.

Peevish · 06/05/2013 13:23

Also, her dislike of her pushchair / pram may change any minute. My baby would scream like a fire engine every time I put him in his, and I was in despair ( complex CSS recovery meant sling wearing was limited) but one day he suddenly became fine with it, and life changed for the better immediately.

HollyBerryBush · 06/05/2013 13:24

I'm in shock..... look >>>>> ShockShock - a baby that doesn't like the car? I've never heard of one of those before Smile. Crikey, show mine the car and they were asleep before we were off the drive.

chattychattyboomba · 06/05/2013 13:29

12 weeks still early days. DD was hard work (and yes- hated the car too!) we found a technique of getting her to sleep in her bassinet which involved swaddling (Shock oooo ) laying her on her side (Shock noooo!) and patting her to sleep... Pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat pat (ad infinitum)...she's now 2 and sleeps brilliantly. Believe me it gets easier just harder in other ways Confused

HerrenaHandbasket · 06/05/2013 13:30

DS2 fights sleep like a madman (he's 9mo) so I have got into the habit of putting him down in his cot and closing the door/turning off the monitor so that his fury won't distress DS1 (22mo).

DS2 is usually (9/10 times) asleep within ten minutes anyway. I'm not saying to ignore your baby's needs but maybe putting her down somewhere else for ten minutes while you make lunch for the other kids might be a plan.

lola88 · 06/05/2013 13:57

DS was a terrible baby to the point I was thinking of going back to work when he was 4mo because I couldn't stand the constant crying the first 6 months were a bloody nightmare and I hated it to the point I'm never having another. DS is 15mo now and is like a different kid he's so happy and sweet everyone says how good and well behaved he is and easy to love.

This wee story might make you feel better - I have a friend who's baby was the best baby I've ever seen I swear I've never seen her even cry, who I used to be so jealous of and hated to go out with because her DD was so good she made DS look even worse she used to say she didn't know how I coped and felt bad for me (I looked like shit and cried a lot) now has a demon toddler this angelic little girl has turned into a horror, she won't follow instruction, screams to get out of her pram and takes hours to go to sleep. It's like a roll reversal DS is now the 'good' one :)

My gran always says a hard baby is an easy child hang on to that it might get you through :)

HerrenaHarridan · 06/05/2013 14:10

My dd was like this, I made a moby wrap style sling ( it took about ten mins not including getting fabric as it is made from jersey cotton it doesn't require sewing)

I weaned her from falling asleep on nipple to tip of pinkie finger to a piece of muslin and she would nap in sling for a good couple of hours.

How old are other children, can they help? What level of explanation can they understand!

Squitten · 06/05/2013 14:11

Could you give her a dummy so she's less reliant on the boob for comfort?

noblegiraffe · 06/05/2013 14:20

If it takes three hours to put her to bed you are probably putting her to bed three hours too early. My 14 week old naturally falls asleep for the night at around ten. If I was trying to get her to bed at 7pm I'd have three hours of hassle. As it is, I just keep her up with us until we're ready for bed.

Original poster
inneedofsomehelpplz · 06/05/2013 16:56

thanx for all the advice guys - i have a bouncy chair - hates it; a swing - hates it, three slings - hates them all; a play gym -hates it & will not take a dummy or a bottle.

my other children are 2, 5 & 12. all easy peasy babies....

i am not putting her to bed three hours too early as it doesnt matter what time she goes to bed, she will fight it. she was co-sleeping but is now in a cot that is attached to my bed.

i should be back at work (need the money) but as she wont settle and take a bottle (was going to express) have had to take another month off.

just fed up of reading about how perfect my friends babies are whilst mine can actlike the devils sporn lol.

OP posts:
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