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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To start to dislike my nephew...

41 replies

childof79 · 05/05/2013 23:20

First time I have posted in this section. Will try to be as concise as possible.

My nephew (6 yo) has always been really high energy - running around and very active. As a result he has always been quite rough with my children although with the exception of a couple of occasions has been quite sweet.

Anyway, after today I am seriously wondering if there is something wrong with him. He has been so horrible to my eldest son (not quite 4 yo). Started off with pushing him down a slide in a playground and then blatantly lying when I asked him about it - didn't even say sorry when DS started crying; hitting him over the head repeatedly because he did not know how to stop him jumping on the bed - DS crying again and no apology; blaming him for breaking a vase when I saw them play-fighting. I saw them with cushions. They were both playing but DS missed and threw his cushion into the vase by accident.

DH says I should try to be a bit more sympathetic because he has a hard life (DH's brother practically bringing him up single-handedly) but I just actually don't think this behaviour is normal at all and that I am not unreasonable for wanting to keep a hawk's eye on both of them from now on and banning all playfighting. So AIBU.

OP posts:

C999875 · 07/05/2013 00:04

Boys will be boys. They play rough. I can understand you not liking his behavior but to actually dislike him is another story. Tell him what you expect form him and praise good behavior and be more relaxed and laid back. I'm no super nanny but it works for me.

I adore my nephew he is everything to me. It's like we have our own little world. He's a real auntie's boy. xxx

AmberLeaf · 07/05/2013 00:18

You are making him responsible for your sons behavior, he is 6 not 16!

He isn't that much older than your son that he would 'know better' or be the responsible one, he tried to stop him jumping on the bed by hitting him, that is obviously not the right thing to do but maybe its his 6 yr old way of trying to stop him when he knows he will get the blame if he doesn't?

YABU.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 07/05/2013 00:33

My boys are 6 and 4. They kill each other and ds1 has a size advantage and SN which result in a complete lack of impulse control.

I don't dislike ds1. Thats not to say I condone him slapping, kicking, punching, etc. And he gets reprimanded and punished accordingly. But similarly I'm not blind to the fact that a large part of it is ds2 instigating fights he's too little to hold his own in, he's no angel either.

Kids of those ages do tend to be very physical and rarely think through their actions. And it's totally normal to hear 'he did it!' as soon as something breaks

Cut your dn some slack, he's still little. Just because he's older than your pfb doesn't make him a mini adult. You'll look back on this when ds is 6 and be mortified you reacted this way, I guarantee it.

cory · 07/05/2013 08:13

Remember that if you had another sibling with a 2yo, that sibling would probably feel the same about your bigger, stronger and more boisterous child. To you he is still little and needs protecting; to the parent of a younger child he would seem an almost grown-up. Same with your brother's 6yo. Not to mention that your own 4yo will be 6 in no time: don't be too sure that he will have grown out of all his babyish behaviour by then or that he won't have acquired new boisterous habits.

NotYoMomma · 07/05/2013 08:47

I feel like both boys behave similarly really.

Play fighting and not stopping when told
Messing around in the bedroom (that you didn't see)
The only difference is one of them is yours...

And of course a six year old is going to say he didn't break a vase if he didn't actually break a vase. I doubt shared responsibility will be a consideration to him. It's a straight forward 'I didn't do it, ds did!'

treas · 07/05/2013 08:47

Op did you not think that the reason you Dn was 'punishing' your child's bad behaviour by hitting him uncontrollably is because that is what he experiences when he is naughty?

I'm not saying that this is definitely the case but he must have learnt it somewhere, just a thought.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 07/05/2013 08:50

So his Dad is on his own with him? You are the closest he has to a real Mother figure OP....in my mind the best thing you can do is shower him with affection. He's trying to get your attention.

kneedeepindaisies · 07/05/2013 08:56

He sounds like a normal 6yo to me and I have 2 boys.

Yes he needs to be taught to be more gentle with younger children but as others have said it was your DS who broke the vase. To a 6 yo it is nothing to do with him because he didn't break it.

A word of warning, you may look at older children's behaviour and think its awful but your son is only 4 and they change a lot when they start infants and junior school so don't be too judgemental just yet

mrsjay · 07/05/2013 09:40

I doubt shared responsibility will be a consideration to him. It's a straight forward 'I didn't do it, ds did!'

this the nephew didnt break it did he, so he wasn't lying he didnt realise it was due to the mucking about no 6 year old would ,

NotYoMomma · 07/05/2013 09:57

I still do that with dh if we have been play fighting together! I ended up stubbing my toe on the bed and I can assure you it was instantly all his fault :p

QuintessentialOHara · 07/05/2013 10:00

You dislike your nephew because you dont parent your own child?

He is 6! What do you expect him to do? Take over your parenting duties and handle your child like an adult?

Why were you not present? Why was your child jumping on the bed? Why was your child allowed to play-fight with cushions?

OhLori · 07/05/2013 10:26

If your nephew was being aggressive, I think you are right to keep a hawk's eye! ?

I know alot of 6 year old boys and they are often very active, boisterous, playfighting, and so forth. But it doesn't mean they are aggressive, hitting younger children, showing no remorse etc - so I do not agree with those who are saying this is completely "normal" behaviour. It may indeed be a phase he will grow out of, hopefully, but who can say right now. Try and stay kind if you can, but keep the discipline would be my advice .

mrsjay · 07/05/2013 10:30

OP how would you feel if your nephews dad said he didn't like HIS nephew

QuintessentialOHara · 07/05/2013 10:36

After all, that nephew jumped on beds and broke a vase....

ll31 · 07/05/2013 10:46

All I can feel from your post is a bit sorry fir your nephew ,you're blaming him for not minding your son . The vase thing is stupid to blame him for, the hitting,not acceptable but not unusual so deal,manage them better. Pushing him down a slide ? Really?

LEMisdisappointed · 07/05/2013 11:36

I'm sorry OP but i really think you are being unfair here. Why were the children playing alone in the bedroom anyway? Especially if you feel this boy is too rough with your LO? WHY on gods earth were they allowed to have a bloody cushion fight anyway? How is this going to encourage them to be calm? It sounds like the boy reacted by lying because you were shouting and he was worried he was going to be in big trouble. You are responsibly for YOUR son's behaviour, none of which sounds outrageous in the scheme of things, he will be 6 soon and you'll be having to watch HIM with the younger ones.

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